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READING – RELATIONSHIPS MOTHERHOOD’S BEST-KEPT SECRET One night, not so long ago, just as I was drifting off in bed, the phone rang. It was my 19-yearold son, who is at university in Edinburgh, calling to say that he had broken up with his girlfriend and had been wandering around the city ever since, not knowing what to do. I told him to catch the first train home. He arrived looking a wreck, but after a good sleep and some home cooking, he began to feel his old self again.

Girls I knew then were reasonably open with their mothers, but that was a mother-daughter thing. No male contemporary would ever have admitted asking his mother for advice. Despite all our talk about how important it was for men to let down their defences and learn how to express their feelings, most of us still secretly subscribed to the idea that any man who depended on his mother too much was a bit of a mummy’s boy.

But things don’t work that way anymore. In a world of short-term contracts, downsizing and redundancy, even the most promising of our children experience lows early on in their careers; and whenever they hit those depths, many of them will return to the nest. Indeed, a typical son will continue to be at least partly dependent on his mother will into his twenties.

There’re also better able to see through the mask of apparent self-confidence. When my boy was growing up, he always maintained a fairly invincible front. His early imaginary play involved sieges, ambushes and surprise attacks. His starting point, though, was always a danger against which he needed to defend himself. He used the games he played as a child to convince himself that he could prevail.

In his teens, he used many of these same tricks to keep me at bay. If I drove him anywhere to meet his friends, he insisted I drop him off out of sight of where they were waiting. There were girlfriends I never met and phone conversations which were all in code. But occasionally, a confidential mood would come over him and he would air whatever happened to be on his mind.

“And there’s another important change”, she adds. “Most of us took pains to reassure our sons that it was OK for them to show physical affection or cry. If our boys are not so anxious now about showing their emotions, our efforts in this area have not been in vain.” This seems to be

backed up by research, which shows that boys call their mothers on their mobile phones more than anyone else.

What I didn’t anticipate was for the same thing to happen with my son. I assumed I would lose him, just like all the experts said. It may be that they were wrong all along – that sons have always confided in their mothers – and just made sure that no one else knew. Have I stumbled on motherhood’s best-kept secret= Even if I have, it doesn’t diminish my sense of wonder. It’s still like getting a present you never expected.

A These days, however, mothers can expect to be relied on almost indefinitely for the type of advice that calls on our experience of the outside world. A generation ago, it was accepted that sons would eventually leave their mothers to join the world of men and work. Mothers put their 18 years in and then opened the door to allow their sons to move into jobs for life.

B Other mothers told me that they, too, were getting the same volume of confidences. According to my psychotherapist friends, this is normal behaviour for today’s boys. Our sons will tell us more than their fathers told their mothers, because we have brought them up to do so. Our norm has been to empathize with children when they talk about their feelings, whereas the previous generation tended to be shocked.

C They are not in any doubt about how to respond to the situation. As one friend said of her rather reticent son: “My job is to give my son courage.” And whilst we might welcome the chance to see more of our children, one does have the feeling that there is something antinatural in all this

D Many mothers I know are surprised at this reluctance to break away. One of my friends, however, who happens to be a psychotherapist, assures me that the mother-son intimacy is nothing new. “Mums have always been easier to talk to,” she points out. “They’re more cuddly than their fathers, and sons realize early on that their mothers are more accepting of human frailty.”

E

But don’t assume that girls are any tougher than boys. “Daughters need their mothers, too,” she says. Certainly, I know how much my own daughters need me. But this continuing motherdaughter bond is something I expected.

F Some of the details began to emerge on the following day. Then he told me more. And more. And even more. A moment arrived when I couldn’t help asking myself, should I be hearing all of this? It wasn’t that I was shocked. He reminded me of myself in my own student years, but with one important difference – I would never have confided in my parents this way

G As he got older and had to ride to school on a bus with other children, all too often there were situations in which he did not. I had to teach him how to put up new defences so that his rougher classmates would not see his weaknesses.

2- Find and circle the following nouns in the text. Write them in your vocabulary notebook, together with the verb which is used with each one. Record any adjectives which are used as well. Front: Maintain a fairly invincible front Feelings Pains Affection Emotions

3- Find and circle the following phrasal verbs in the base text and paragraph D and with your partner, discuss their meaning in context · Drift off · Break away · See through · Back up · Stumble on · Let down

Dead interesting Lucy Kellaway investigates her family history. Ancestral Footsteps, a travel company that organises exclusive tailor-made holidays to help people to investigate their family history, had invited me on a heritage tour of my roots. I’d accepted the invitation gladly, not because I had any particular interest in my forebears but to understand the bizarre modern craze of ancestor worship. Genealogy tourism, combining holidays with ancestor hunts, is on the rise. A recent study by the University of Illinois argued that the trend was the fastest-growing sector of the travel market and a response to our consumer-driven lifestyle – a search for connection and authenticity in an inauthentic world. Maybe. But I think there’s a more obvious and less high-minded cause at work, too: the runaway success of the BBC reality TV programme Who Do You Think You Are? The format, which has been copied in twelve countries, involves a famous person finding his orher roots and watching their emotional reaction as they discover that a distant relation was a villain or a hero. The show is good celebrity TV, with a nice bit of colourful social history thrown in, if you like that sort of thing. But the name of the programme is a bit of a sham. Who we actually are is a matter of our own personality, luck, circumstances, education and that of our parents. Ancestor scepticism is in my blood. When I told my dad I was going on a genealogical holiday, he quoted something his father used to say to him: ‘It's more important to be an ancestor than to have them.’ My sister and I were brought up to dismiss people who were obsessed with family trees. For a start, it's boring. Any sentence that begins with ‘my great-great-uncle’ is never going to go anywhere interesting. People should try to make something of themselves rather than piggy-back on the fact that a distant and long-dead relative was a prince or a prisoner. As I awaited the results of my own ancestor research, I decided to research other people doing theirs. In the crowded upstairs room at the National Archives at Kew in south-west London, every desk was occupied by someone staring at a screen in a sort of rapture. They were poring over microfiches with a focus more intense than any I’ve ever seen in any other library or anywhere else at all. I realised I’d got it all wrong. For them, the fun isn't in the facts, it’s in the hunting. With obvious delight, the woman nearest me explained that she’d just discovered an ancestor who’d been convicted of stealing. A few months later I travelled to Wareham in Dorset to meet my personal researcher, Jo Foster. Jo showed me a series of documents explaining how the Kellaways arrived in Australia: my great-grandfather’s death certificate says that Alfred Charles Kellaway, son of Amos and Jane, was born in Dorset, England and died in Australia. But the 1861 census reveals that while Alfred and Jane Kellaway were living in Swanage, Dorset, of Amos there was no trace at all. I tried instantly to resist the modern urge to apply psychobabble to explain Amos’s disappearance. Would I have been able to forgive him for abandoning his family? But then I discovered that what actually happened was rather different. Ships’ records recounted that my great-greatgrandfather deserted ship in Sydney in 1857 to go in search of gold. He didn’t find any. But he found New World riches of another sort. After six years in Australia, he had made enough money as a farmer for Jane and their six-year-old son Alfred to sail out to join him. Their story ended happily ever after. The boy received an education and became a clergyman. His son, my grandfather, became a doctor, discovered a treatment for snakebite and lost all interest in his roots.

My father and sister predictably swallowed the story hungrily, along with a big side order of humble pie. And although I still don’t think of them as my family, I was more interested than I’d expected to be in the fate of Amos, Jane and Alfred and I’m only sorry I ignored them for so long. So who do I think I am now? The truth is that I’m not who I thought I was six months ago. I still maintain that who I am does not include deserting sailors and failed gold diggers. Time has washed them away. But it does include something less expected. Who I am now is a bornagain ancestor bore.

5- You are going to read an article about a journalist called Lucy Kellaway and her investigation into her family history. 1 Why did Kellaway accept the invitation by Ancestral Footsteps? A She felt it was time she caught up with a popular pastime. B She was curious to discover the appeal of ancestor research. C She felt it was a more attractive option than doing the research herself. D She was tempted by the idea of a luxury holiday mixed with research. 2 What overall point is Kellaway making about the TV programme in the second paragraph? A She thinks it teaches people nothing about their identities. B She admits to secretly enjoying it despite disapproving of it. C She thinks it is only providing good publicity for celebrities. D She is concerned that it only presents a sensational view of history. 3 Kellaway's family is uninterested in ancestor research because they believe A they would find the process of carrying out the research dull. B there was little of interest to discover about their own ancestors. C people are interested in ancestor research for the wrong reasons. D people should focus more on their own achievements 4 What is Kellaway's attitude to the researchers in the national archives? A She admires their dedication. B She is envious of their absorption in their task. C She is impressed by the strength of their obsession. D She is amazed by the kind of information being discovered. 5 What was Kellaway's initial reaction to Amos's story? A disappointed that his story had a predictable end B upset by his misfortune C proud of his achievements D concerned for the welfare of his family 6 In the final paragraph Kellaway admits that she A feels embarrassed about her feelings for her ancestors. B has changed her mind about the attraction of ancestor research. C regrets knowing so little about her family history. D was surprised by her family's reaction to the story.

Online dating: the way to find Mr or Mrs Right? In Autumn 1965, Peter Lake filled out a survey that changed the course of his life. He signed up to Operation Match, a computer dating service. 'It was such a good deal you couldn't turn it down,' Lake says. 'For three dollars they would guarantee to match you with at least three compatible people or they would give you your money back.' But there was more to Lake's decision than the fact that it made good economic sense. Although he had met lots of girls during his first semester at college, he just hadn't clicked with any of them. He mailed the survey back and was matched with a dozen women. With the exception of one who lived too far away, he met all of them. 'The eleventh was a student at Wellesley College. She and I talked on the phone and then we met for coffee and I just fell in love with her right there and then. We started dating immediately and married a year later.' Computer dating was simple way back then. Fast forward almost fifty years and it has graduated from paper-based surveys directed at lonely students to become a multi-billion dollar global industry, generating income from both subscriptions and advertising. While many dating sites allow their subscribers to freely roam through lists of potential mates, niche services promise to match you with that special someone. The punch card technology that united Peter Lake with his future wife has been replaced by patented online personality tests, devised by psychologists and anthropologists. One site, for example, uses a questionnaire with more than 400 items - cut back to 100 if you're using the mobile app - supposedly designed to match clients with the man or woman of their dreams. But can they? The dating service claim that their product is backed up by rigorous research into the characteristics of couples in committed, long-term relationships and that they have managed to identify the shared personality characteristics and values that best predict successful matches. Not everyone is sold on the science, however. In a recent issue of a major psychology journal, psychologists sought to pour cold water on the scientific claims of this and other similar sites, noting that none have ever subjected their algorithms - their secret sauce that matches couples – to peer scrutiny. In fact, a 'selection bias' - a statistical bias that occurs when your sample population is different from the norm - may be at work. People using matching sites are, after all, different from the average Joe or Jill. For starters, they're likely to have a higher disposable income and, given that they sit through a 400-question survey, more highly motivated than the average dater. In my opinion, the claimed success of matching sites may have more to do with narrowing the pool of eligible daters than psychological tests or computer science. Associate Professor of Psychology Paul Eastwick says that another problem is that the sites claim to do much more than weed out Mr or Ms Wrong. 'They promise to find you someone who is especially compatible with you - your soul mate. That's a very different promise that they cannot fulfil,' says Eastwick. He argues, for example, that there may be a placebo effect at work. Just as placebos work because of the aura of authority around the person prescribing the 'drug', rather than its inherent medicinal value, so online matching services may work because the couple believe their coupling has been validated by relationship experts using complex computer science. But can the digital Cupids guarantee living happily ever after? Peter Lake and his wife, two of computer matching's first success stories, divorced after eleven years of marriage. Lake has returned to computer dating but the barrier to finding true love has turned out to be more geographical than technological. 'I met a really nice dentist but she lived too far away,' says Lake. 'Eventually, I realised unless they live down the street, I'm really not interested.' He has abandoned algorithm-assisted online dating in favour of online chat rooms and forums. 'Now, if I want to meet somebody, I just go online, find them and chat them up.' Matching software, it seems, is no match for a good chat up line.

1 Why, according to the writer, did Peter Lake feel the need to sign up to Operation Match? A He knew he would not be able to afford more expensive services. B There were very few girls in the degree course he was taking. C He was too shy to go out and meet girls in the normal way. D He and the girls he met at university didn't seem to be compatible.

2 What is the writer's attitude to the modern versions of computer dating? A He is impressed by the sophistication of their approach. B He thinks the simpler methods of the past were just as effective. C He is not entirely convinced that they always fulfil their claims. D He dislikes the way they restrict access to their database.

3 What prompted the psychologists to write a journal article about the dating services? A They objected to the fact that the services were out to make money. B They believed the method the services used should be checked by independent scientists. C They thought the services should employ professional scientists. D They had evidence which undermined the validity of the tests.

4How does the writer explain the apparent success of the services? A It is easy to find partners for people who have a lot of money. B Unsuitable people are excluded from subscribing. C Many subscribers lie when they complete the questionnaires. D Subscribers to services like these all share a number of characteristics.

5 What does Professor Eastwick consider the services do effectively? A match subscribers to people they get on quite well with B convince subscribers that the methods used actually work C eliminate people who are unlikely to find partners D make people feel better about their chances of finding a partner

6 Why does the writer return to Peter Lake's story in the last paragraph? A to demonstrate that online dating services have major limitations B to make readers feel sorry for Lake C to persuade readers that it may be worth giving online dating services a try D to suggest that other methods of finding a partner may be more effective

Replace the underlined verbs with phrasal verbs from the article. You may need to change the form of the verbs. I'm thinking of registering to do a yoga course. He asked her out but she refused him. Education spending cannot be reduced any further. There's no evidence to support his claims. He spent the whole evening talking seductively to my best friend. Personality tests sometimes help human resources staff eliminate unsuitable candidates

A working life: the guide dog trainer As mobility instructor for Guide Dogs for the Blind, Gareth Evans has the rewarding job of matching dogs to their owners. I'm blindfolded and frightened. Cars are roaring past as I stumble along busy Leamington Spa pavements, terrified I'll unwittingly stray into the path of a vehicle. But Spriggs, the black Labrador whose brown training harness I'm desperately clinging to, soon has me at ease, calmly steering me around hidden obstacles, pedestrians, workmen and parked cars with every wag of his tail. Spriggs is close to finishing his training with Guide Dogs for the Blind and will soon be partnered with a visually impaired person. At some point Spriggs will have been tutored by Gareth Evans, a local man who has worked with the charity for close to sixteen years. 'It has to be a partnership when you take on a guide dog,’ he explains. 'We can only get the dogs to a certain level and then the owners have to take over and they will get out of that partnership what they put in.’ Evans grew up in nearby Warwick surrounded by puppies - his family were regular 'puppy walkers' for the charity, the name given to families that look after a puppy for its first 12-14 months before handing it back for training, as well as breeders. ‘Guide dogs have always been in my life and I'd always wanted to work for the charity.' He achieved that ambition when he was nineteen, spending five years working in the kennels before a broken wrist led him to shadow the organisation's rehab workers, who provide training and guidance to help people live independently. 'What impressed me most was how you could give someone the smallest piece of advice, some of it not even related to dogs, that would make a huge difference to their lives, such as how to make the text on their television screen bigger,' he remembers. ‘So I retrained as a rehab worker and did that for eight years.' Four years ago he became a mobility instructor for the charity, which means that as well as finishing off the dogs’ tuition with advanced training, he helps match dogs to owners, provides support while they get to know each other and makes annual aftercare visits. Evans thinks there are many myths about the role of guide dogs. 'A lot of people think they take their owners for a walk, that the owner says, "Right, off to the fish and chip shop, please," and the dog takes them there,' he says. 'The owners are the ones in control and who need to know where they are going. The dog is only helping them look out for roads and obstacles, it’s not actually taking them anywhere - although if it learns a route, it might pop into a shop if the owner visits frequently.' He talks of the occasional embarrassment suffered by owners whose guide dogs betray their love of takeaways by padding into the kebab shop even if the owner wishes to walk past. When I am blindfolded and partnered with Spriggs for my walk, I immediately realise how big a jump it is from trusting your own eyesight to trusting that a dog will guide you safely around town. For the first five minutes I am genuinely scared that my life is held in the paws of a canine I've never met but I slowly become attuned to Spriggs’s subtle movements when he pulls me to the left or right to avoid obstacles or as he prepares to stop at a kerb. I marvel as he obeys my command to turn right at one pavement edge. All the while Evans is telling me what to do, how to give the dog feedback, to pat him affectionately when he has done well, along with numerous other instructions. By the time I take the blindfold off, I have genuinely bonded with Spriggs, to the extent that Evans jokes: 'I'd better check your bag to see you haven't stolen him,' and I get an inkling of the incredible bond that dogs and owners must share. On the train back to London I spot one of Spriggs's black hairs on my leg and it reminds me of my childhood pet Sid, a Jack Russell

terrier I still miss to this day. It then strikes me why Evans has been with Guide Dogs for the Blind for so many years: when you are a key part in forging so many beautiful relationships, partnerships that lead to vastly improved lives, why would you want to work anywhere else?

Match the underlined verbs in the article with their meanings. Write the infinitive of the verbs. · Create something very strong · I begin to understand · Follow and watch someone doing something · Hold tightly to something · Notice · Cover someone's eyes · Walk unsteadily · Visit quickly

1 Why does the writer start to feel more relaxed in the first paragraph? A He knows he will shortly regain his sight. B He has survived a difficult experience. C He begins to have faith in his guide. D He is approaching the end of the journey.

2 Gareth believes that a successful guide dog is ultimately the result of A the breeding and quality of the dog. B the level of training the dog is given. C the early stages of care when they are young. D the interaction between owner and dog.

3 When working in rehabilitation, Gareth was A encouraged by the degree of independence the blind people had. B surprised by the value of his own contributions. C confident that he could learn from the experience. D undeterred by his physical problems.

4 The writer mentions the 'fish and chip shop' to A illustrate the talents of a good guide dog. B correct a common illusion. C explain a difficult procedure. D emphasise the importance of training done by owners.

5 When taking part in the experiment, the writer believes that A being in control of the dog is a very powerful feeling. B knowing how to direct the dog takes time. C relying on the dog takes considerable courage. D reacting to the dog's affection is important.

6 What is the writer's reaction to the experience? A He would like to do the same work. B He can identify with the satisfaction Gareth gets from his job. C He values the experience of being dependent on a guide dog. D He wishes that he could have another dog of his own.

Back to the nest Spiralling property prices and the collapse of the labour market are forcing many young people (and some not so young) to move back in with their parents. But how are both generations coping with this living arrangement? When stand-up comedian Nat Luurtsema hit the ripe old age of 28, she found herself living back in her parents’ house in the Hertfordshire town of Watford. For six long months she languished amid the boy-band posters of her childhood bedroom, and traipsed round, like a reluctant toddler, after her mum in the supermarket. ‘When I moved back I really felt I had messed up,” she says. ‘I was so lonely I started blogging about it. That turned out to be my saving grace. Loads of people started getting in touch saying they were in the same position; I even had emails from high-flying corporate managers saying they were back with mum. The response was amazing. I stumbled upon a Zeitgeist.” Luurtsema, it soon became clear, was part of a ‘boomerang generation” - the group of young adults who have found themselves returning to the family nest. There is something of a preoccupation with the living arrangements of these boomerangers right now. Currently one of the biggest shows in the States is Girls, written by 25-year-old Lena Dunham, about four twentysomethings adrift in a sea of unpaid internships and sofa-surfing in New York. Dunham, incidentally, wrote most of it while living at home with her own mum and dad. Then there’s the cumbersomely titled How to Live with your Parents for the Rest of your Life - an entire sitcom built around the premise - which is currently being piloted on the ABC network. It’s not surprising, then, that Luurtsema’s blog was swiftly picked up by publishing company Hodder and turned into a book, entitled Cuckoo in the Nest. The figures speak for themselves. A US report published last month found that as many as three in ten are returning to the family nest - the highest proportion since the 1950s. According to parenting expert Sue Atkins, the nature of the experience is dictated by how well a new set of boundaries is established. ‘Given the chance, these young adults will revert back to being teenagers again,” she claims. In order to stop any regression, Atkins proposes that parents say ‘This is a new phase of your life now and it’s going to be different.” They have to sit down and have a conversation about them paying their way and what is acceptable and what is not. Then follow up on it and make sure they’re not taken for a ride.” It’s interesting that, whatever the circumstances, everyone Nat talked to had a firm moving out date set - usually within a year-and-a-half - both for their own sanity and to avoid imposing on their parents. For Luurtsema, it was around the six-month mark that she knew her time in Watford had to come to an end. There’s a moment in the book that says it all: she had just finished a gig and was hanging out backstage with comedians Richard Herring and Stephen Merchant when, absent-mindedly, she pulled from her bag a Tupperware box containing a packed lunch made by her mum. ‘A heavy silence broke out, with undertones of pity,5 she writes. Shortly after, she was gone. Actress Gemma Swead, 27, moved back in with her parents after she’d been working in Los Angeles for three years. Having now been with them for a year and a half, she says “There was no question about me going back. In fact, it was just kind of assumed I would. I am very, very close to both parents.” She concedes, however, that ‘the fact that they want to know everything - not in a controlling way - means they can get a little bit on top of me. If I’m down, they will want to know if everything is all right. And they repeat things just to make sure I’ve

heard. So now, if one of them asks me the same question more than once I just pretend I didn’t hear it. But at the same time I wouldn’t change any of it. Right now I am totally focused on my career. I wouldn’t be able to do what I’m trying to do without them.’ It does make you wonder what impact this might have in the future. Are we heading for an era where adolescence stretches right through the twenties? Are these ‘kids’ going to be holding down jobs while still getting their shirts washed and meals cooked? Or will it create a new, modern family structure with stronger, more adult bonds between generations and a chance for some of your parents’ terrible memories of you as a stroppy teen to be extinguished?

1 When Nat Luurtsema began to blog about her experience of living at home, she A felt humiliated by some of the comments she received. B was relieved to discover that others were in a similar position. C was surprised to be contacted by people she knew from work. D felt reluctant about revealing all her personal details. 2 What does the writer suggest about Nat's Luurtsema's book in the second paragraph? A The story it tells is more convincing than others on the same theme. B The US public may be unreceptive to a British writers experience. C There are elements of it which come across as slightly cliched. D Its subject matter seems to be growing in popularity at the moment. 3 Parenting expert Sue Atkins maintains that adults who move back in with their parents A tend to behave immaturely. B need to set out their expectations. C have to expect a degree of conflict. D must recognize it is a temporary situation. 4 The writer refers to Nat's meeting with other comedians in order to A make the point that children will always take parents for granted. B show how adults' attitudes towards living with parents can vary. C support the idea that the time spent living with parents must be limited. D illustrate a particular benefit of returning briefly to the parental home. 5 What are we told about the actress Gemma Swead? A She can be frustrated by the way that her parents express their concern. B She resents the way her parents attempt to restrict her personal freedom.

C She intends to move out as soon as she has secured new employment. D She had never expected to live with her parents again once she had left home. 6 The writer suggests that living arrangements in the future may mean that A the next generation of adults has no sense of responsibility. B the relationship between parents and adult children improves. C the significance of the parental role will eventually diminish. D adults will choose to delay having children of their own.