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SWIPE RIGHT! The most fancied people on Tinder

M AY 2 0 1 8

THE STREET STYLE...whoSTAR fooled

the fashion world

(Did you make the list?)

HOW TOP LEADERS THINK... WHY THEIR IDEAS WILL TRANSFORM YOUR 9-5

DEATH BY SOCIAL MEDIA We played the game young women are dying to win By D A N I E L L A S C O T T

RED ALERT!

ZOE SALDANA IS FEELING TALKATIVE. HOLLYWOOD, BE AFRAID 05 9 770141 055290 WWW.COSMOPOLITAN.COM/UK

MAY 2018

onten

✱ On the cover 66 HOW TOP LEADERS THINK… Why their ideas will transform your 9-5 72 RED ALERT! Zoe Saldana is feeling talkative. Hollywood, be afraid 80 DEATH BY SOCIAL MEDIA We played the game young women are dying to win 86 THE STREET STYLE STAR …who fooled the fashion world 93 SWIPE RIGHT! The most fancied people on Tinder (Did you make the list?)

✱ Know 9 SPLICE UP YOUR LIFE Top TV shows are set to join forces – get tuned in 10 HAVE YOU MET..? Talking to Australian actor Louis Hunter set us up for a very g’day 12 CONFESSIONS Just when we think you’re done embarrassing yourselves… 14 UNCHARTED FESTIVALS Pining for Glastonbury? Pah! Try an alternative gathering 16 CATCH-UP CHEAT SHEET Want to watch the new series of a show, but missed the first? Allow us to help… 18 KEEP IT SHORT If you like your stories like you like your drink (short, sharp and full of the good stuff), you’ll love these 20 MY CULTURED LIFE Turns out even singer AnneMarie’s a reality-TV addict 23 THE COMPASS This month’s cultural ups and downs

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72 Inside the bright and beautiful mind of Zoe Saldana

ts

✱ Earn 65 NEW CAREER BREWING How blogging on the job could help you take home the big bucks 71 SELF MADE Entrepreneur Anna Jones on the business of finding your career calling

COVER PHOTOGRAPH MAX ABADIAN. SENIOR FASHION EDITOR SAIREY STEMP. FASHION ASSISTANT MADDY ALFORD. HAIR MARA ROSZAK AT STARWORKS ARTISTS, USING LIVING PROOF. MAKE-UP VERA STEIMBERG AT CRITERION GROUP, USING CHANEL AND NARS COSMETICS. NAILS TINA AU, USING SECHE VITE TOP COAT. PROP STYLING DANNY DIAMOND. PRODUCTION A+ PRODUCTIONS. ZOE WEARS, NEWSSTAND COVER: PLAYSUIT AND BELT, BOTH PHILOSOPHY DI LORENZO SERAFINI. EARRINGS, DINNY HALL. SUBSCRIBER COVER: DRESS, ISABEL MARANT. EARRINGS, MONICA VINADER. BRACELET, MIANSAI. RING (LEFT HAND), ZOE’S OWN. RING (RIGHT HAND), MIANSAI. THIS SPREAD: TOP, SKIRT, BRIEFS, BELT, ALL NO.21. PHOTOGRAPHS, THIS PAGE SAM COPELAND, ANTONIO PETRONZIO, LOUISA PARRY

✱ Glow

112

25 READY FOR THIS JELLY? This new way to wear perfume has us feeling very Destiny’s Child 26 SPLIT LIP Painless, we promise 27 HOT RIGHT NOW! We’ve a serious case of the beauty blues 28 PERIOD EFFING WITH YOUR FACE? Banish bloating, spots and eye-bags for good 32 INGE HAS ISSUES… but it’s nothing a little magic can’t help 34 BEAUTY LAB Foolproof facial tanning that won’t make you look like Donald Trump

Laid-back spring style vibes, we see you

104 WOULD YOU PAY £2,000 FOR PERFECT HAIR? Because that means a lot less to spend in Zara 112 DESERT ROSE Pastel pink and earthy tones were made to be together

✱ Lust

✱ Move 37 LET IT JUJU-BE Berries: set to be bigger than The Beatles? 38 THE DARK SIDE OF SELF CARE The untold story of wellness retreats gone bad 42 ENERGY HIIT Work out like a celebrity and the bank balance/ global adoration will follow, yes? 44 WATER BABY Swimwear worth getting wet for

93 Dating tips from Tinder’s top 30? Oh, go on then

127 RUBBER STAMP IT Why you’ll soon be signing sex contracts… 128 “THERE’S A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN POLYAMORY & SWINGING…” This month, our columnist enjoys an extra-marital tryst with a twist 130 MY BEST SEX EVER WAS… with another woman 131 WORST DATES EVER A date who thinks we’re sort of pretty… from very far away. No, thanks 132 FIRST LOVE We sent two exes out for dinner and there were fireworks alright…

✱ Play

✱ Wear 49 PUMP IT UP Stop.everything. Shoes designed in collaboration with Alexa Chung have arrived 50 IT’S ALL IN THE DETAIL 64 reasons you’ll want to be called ‘Bag Lady’ this summer 58 HEY, HOW DO I WEAR… Yellow? 60 HELLO SUNSHINE If these new shade shapes don’t make you feel excited for summer, we don’t know what will

✱ Read

135 JOIN THE FLASH PACK Group trips just got cool. No, really 136 BEACH, PLEASE In need of sun and zen? These destinations deliver on both counts

✱ And the rest…

28 How to stop your period making your face sad

6 MEET TEAM COSMOPOLITAN 7 FROM THE EDITOR 146 COSMOPOLITAN CONTRACT The money diet ◆ C O S M O P O L I TA N ·

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RANDOM QUESTION OF THE MONTH FARRAH STORR Editor-in-Chief Editorial Assistant DANIELLA SCOTT Deputy Editor SHOSHANA GOLDBERG Creative Director STUART SELNER Associate Editor AMY GRIER

“You have such lovely [looks me up and down desperately]… thumbs.”

What’s the best backhanded compliment you’ve ever received?

ENT ER TA I N MEN T Entertainment Director LOTTIE LUMSDEN

FEATU R ES Senior Editor CATRIONA INNES Features Writer JENNIFER SAVIN Acting Features Intern KATE PASOLA

DESI GN Art Director VICTORIA HORN Senior Designer JESSICA LOCKETT

A former colleague once said, “Aww, you’re really happy for a change. Are you on something?”

PI CTU R ES Picture Director CAT COSTELLOE Picture Editor NICOLE HOLCROFT-EMMESS

One guy on Tinder’s opening line was, “You look like Natalie Dormer from Game Of Thrones! Because you also have a wonky mouth.” I mean, I’ll take it...

P RODU CTI ON Workflow Director CHRISTINA SIMONE Chief Sub-Editor HANNAH JONES Deputy Chief Sub-Editor STEPHANIE JACKSON

B EAU TY Beauty Director INGEBORG VAN LOTRINGEN Beauty Editor CASSIE POWNEY Beauty Writer LUCY PARTINGTON

FASHI ON Fashion Director AMY BANNERMAN Senior Fashion Editor SAIREY STEMP Bookings Editor SOPHIE LEEN Fashion Assistant MADDY ALFORD

COS M O POLI TA N .COM/ U K

“God, you’re tall, aren’t you?”

“Your hair’s great ’cause you can tell you literally do nothing with it. Like, do you even brush it?” Er, yeah... sometimes.

Digital Editor CLAIRE HODGSON Fashion & Lifestyle Editor JESS EDWARDS News & Entertainment Editor ANNA LEWIS Beauty Editor VICTORIA JOWETT Social Media Manager LAUREN SMITH Senior Writer CATRIONA HARVEY-JENNER Writer DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT Fashion & Beauty Writer LAURA CAPON Sex & Relationships Writer PAISLEY GILMOUR Snapchat Editor CHARLOTTE WARWICK Multimedia Producer ALEX HERING Snapchat Animator CHARLOTTE TEMPLE

CON TR I B U TOR S AMANDA STATHAM (Travel) Managing Editor DEBBIE BLACK (maternity) Acting Group Managing Editor CONNIE OSBORNE Finance Business Partner EMMA JONES

P RES ID ENT AND CHI EF EXECU TI VE OFFI CER

A kid I used to babysit told me I was “special”. When I, blushing, asked why, she said, “Because your nose points downwards but everyone else’s points upwards.”

JAMES WILDMAN H EARST M AGAZ INE S U K Executive Assistant to the President and Chief Executive Officer FAYE McNULTY Chief Financial Officer/Chief Operating Officer CLAIRE BLUNT Chief Strategy Officer ROBERT FFITCH Chief Operations Director CLARE GORMAN Chief Agency Officer JANE WOLFSON HR Director SURINDER SIMMONS Head of PR FAY JENNINGS Director, Hearst Live VICTORIA ARCHBOLD 020 7312 4105 MD, Hearst Brand Services JUDITH SECOMBE Marketing & Circulation Director REID HOLLAND Head of Consumer Sales & Marketing MATTHEW BLAIZE-SMITH Head of Subscriptions JUSTINE BOUCHER Head of Marketing Promotions CHARLOTTE CUNLIFFE Digital Marketing Director SEEMA KUMARI Deputy Head of PR BEN BOLTON Head of Business Management LUCY PORTER Luxury Business Manager ROSALIE ATKINSON-WILLES 020 7439 5615

H EARST CO M M E RCI A L Chief Brand Officer DUNCAN CHATER Executive Assistant to the Chief Brand Officer NATASHA MANN MD, Beauty JACQUI CAVE MD, Fashion & Luxury JACQUELINE EUWE MD, Fitness & Health ALUN WILLIAMS Director of Homes JULIA GOODWIN Director of Travel DENISE DEGROOT Director of Motors JIM CHAUDRY Client Director, Personal Finance JACQUIE DUCKWORTH Client Direct Director, Fashion & Beauty EMMA BARNES Director of Client Sales MATT HAYES Hearst Direct Manager LUCY PENNY Group Agency Director SARAH TSIRKAS Regional Director DANIELLE SEWELL Luxury Directors SHARON DAVIES RIDGWAY, LEE BAILEY, JHAN HANCOCK-RUSHTON Head of Classified LEE RIMMER Cosmopolitan UK is printed in Poland by Quad/Graphics Europe and distributed by Frontline Ltd, Peterborough (01733 555161)

HEA R ST MAGA ZI N ES I N TER N ATI ON A L Senior Vice President, Managing Director Asia Pacific & Russia SIMON HORNE Director of International Licensing & Business Development RICHARD BEAN Senior Vice President/Editorial & Brand Director KIM ST CLAIR BODDEN Deputy Brands Director CHLOE O’BRIEN Fashion/Entertainment Director KRISTEN INGERSOLL International Editions Editor JACQUELYN GALGEY Editor-in-Chief, Cosmopolitan (1965-1997) HELEN GURLEY BROWN

I N TER N ATI ON A L EDI TI ON S Argentina Editor, Australia KESHNEE KEMP Brazil CRISTINA NAUMOVS Bulgaria Chile China YVONNE LIU Croatia ALEKSANDRA ORLIĆ Czech Republic SABRINA KARASOVA Finland STINA MANTYNIEMI France MARIE LA FONTA Germany ANJA DELASTIK Hong Kong RUQIYAH LAW KAM YING Hungary JOHANNA SABJÁN India NANDINI BHALLA Indonesia FILISYA THUNGGAWAN Italy FRANCESCA DELOGU Kazakhstan Korea HYUN JOO KIM Latin America LUCÍA SOTELO SANTOS Latvia Lithuania VIOLETA KALIKAUSKIENE Malaysia Middle East KAVITA SRINIVASAN Mongolia Netherlands ANNE MARIJE DE VRIES LENTSCH Philippines MARLA MINIANO Poland HANNA WOLSKA Romania DIANA COLCER Russia ALIONA PENEVA Serbia NASJA VELJKOVIC Slovenia MANCA ČAMPA PAVLIN South Africa HOLLY MEADOWS Spain CECILIA MÚZQUIZ HERRERO Sri Lanka KINITA SHENOY Turkey OZLEM KOTAN Ukraine OLEKSANDRA BURYNSKA USA MICHELE PROMAULAYKO

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Cosmopolitan is a member of the Independent Press Standards Organisation. We abide by the Editors’ Code of Practice and are committed to upholding the highest standards of journalism. If you think we haven’t met those standards and want to make a complaint, contact [email protected] or visit hearst.co.uk/hearst-magazines-uk-complaints-procedure. If we are unable to resolve your complaint or you’d like more information about IPSO or the Editors’ Code, call IPSO on 0300 123 2220 or go to ipso.co.uk.

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PHOTOGRAPH IAN HARRISON. HAIR AND MAKE-UP SHARI RENDLE. ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHS MAX ABADIAN. *SOAS UNIVERSITY OF LONDON

FROM THE EDITOR H ave you noticed how hushed everyone has suddenly become? Have you noticed how people suddenly stumble over their words a little more than they used to, clutching for phrases that wound no one and yet mean nothing? I have. A friend of mine recently confided she no longer speaks up at dinner parties for fear her political stance will not chime with those around her. An ex-colleague, meanwhile, explained how she had been publicly ‘shamed’ for not sharing the same feminist principles as others in her office. Multiple young women I know – smart, liberal, enlightened folk – have shuttered their social-media accounts because of the backlash they have faced when their views do not match those of the masses. Given we live in one of the most progressive times in history, a time when diversity is rightfully being forced to the top of agendas, isn’t it ironic that it has come to this? Because let us not forget, diversity is about much more than the colour of our skin and the class into which we were born. Diversity is not only a place where everyone looks and speaks differently; it’s a place where people should be able to think and feel differently without the threat of verbal admonishment. I often ask my team to disagree with me. In meetings I can get wildly carried away with an idea (I am acutely aware of their glazed expressions and smirks when this happens), and so rely on their divergent opinions to challenge me. We don’t always agree on things, that’s for sure. But then, that’s also kind of the point.

Because here’s the thing: we need diverse thoughts. We need people who challenge and, yes, occasionally rattle us. Some of the greatest inventions and most momentous events in history only came about by conflicting ideas, thoughts and personalities coming together. It is now largely accepted, for example, that part of Britain’s success in defeating Nazi Germany was down to the conflict between Winston Churchill and his Chief of Staff, Alan Brooke. The two men had vastly different approaches to the war, and yet the tension between their opposing viewpoints is what created a winning result. True diversity is not when everyone looks different but ay lead to initial change – thinks the same. Sure, that may but it doesn’t lead to long-lasting progress. And surely that’s the one thing we all agree on. 4 Keep in touch by following me on Twitter @Farrah_Storr and Instagram @farrahstorr

FARRAH ST tor-in-Ch

DIFFERENT VOICES Women I love who are leading diverse conversations around the world

ZOE SALDANA Our cover star is not only vocal about men being part of #MeToo, but is forging the way for Hispanic actors in Hollywood with her media platform BESE.

ANNA JONES My former boss, who put me at the helm of this magazine, is setting the agenda for women in business with her company AllBright.

BARONESS WARSI The House of Lords’ youngest member and the first Muslim woman to serve in the cabinet. She gives women of all faiths a voice.

ROSETTE PAMBAKIAN Tinder’s VP of Brand & Communications has brought diversity to the app, pushing through its genderidentity options.

BARONESS AMOS The first black woman to lead a UK university*, this total badass works tirelessly to promote greater diversity in higher education.

C O S M O P O L I TA N ·

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WORDS JENNIFER SAVIN, MEGAN LEVERS. PHOTOGRAPH ALEKSANDA KINGO. PROP STYLING ELENA HORN

IF IT’S HOT

, I T ’ S I N H E R E ...

SPLICE UP YOUR LIFE Sometimes combining two unlikely favourites can cause highly addictive results – take fried halloumi slathered with honey, for example. And an impending flurry of new TV mash-ups is no exception. HBO and Sky are co-working on original content, while Scandal and How To Get Away With Murder have announced a two-episode collaboration, in which the shows’ heroines will cross paths. Long-standing Walking Dead character Morgan will also transition to the programme’s prequel, Fear The Walking Dead, this year. We predict serious screen hours ahead. You may want to invest in some eye drops…

C O S M O P O L I TA N ·

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HAVE YOU MET Louis Hunter There aren’t many men who can make a gladiator sandal look as appealing as this Australian actor Age 26

Big break After appearing in Aussie soap Out Of The Blue, Louis trod the boards in War Of The Roses in 2009. This year, he stars in Troy: Fall Of A City. Crazy fact #1 Louis was almost recruited into the Australian Secret Service aged 15, but chose acting. Crazy fact #2 After a trip to Thailand aged 18, Louis woke up and couldn’t remember a thing (including his own name) for a month.

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The most misunderstood thing about men?

Most embarrassing moment?

When we ask what you feel like eating, it’s not a trick question. Promise.

At one audition I said I was a little more experienced in dance than I am. I had to learn a salsa piece, then perform it, alone, in front of 200 professional dancers. I felt like crying, but was somehow offered the role.

The worst date you’ve ever had? For a while, I did amateur boxing and once got punched in the mouth so hard the day before a brunch date that I couldn’t eat anything, apart from little slivers of fruit. I could also barely talk to her because my face was swollen.

Weirdest crush? Willem Dafoe. I just saw him in The Florida Project, and he’s so talented, which always makes people attractive. So maybe it’s not that weird.

What are you afraid of? Spiders. When I was a kid, one jumped on my hand and bit me – I had to be rushed to hospital.

The most romantic thing you’ve ever done? Forgiven someone.

What is your greatest love?

The last time you cried?

My family comes first, but acting’s always been an island of sanity within a sea of chaos.

This morning, due to jet lag. I woke up at midnight and couldn’t fall back to sleep.

4See Louis in Troy: Fall Of A City, BBC One & BBC iPlayer

AS TOLD TO JENNIFER SAVIN. PHOTOGRAPH KATERINA STRATOS

Hometown Sydney, Australia

Because sometimes life is stranger than fiction

CRASH & BURN I’d just started a new job and was trying to impress at a client event. While chatting to one big cheese, I accidentally pressed the fire alarm instead of the door button. We looked at one another in horror as the racket began and 3,000 people were evacuated. The only thing on fire that day? My cheeks.

CRIME OF FASHION Years ago, I was shopping with my mum and brother and decided it would be hilarious to hide. After half an hour, my brother found me under a clothes rail. But it was too late: Mum had called the police. Lucky we can all take a joke… eh?

BRUNO, 29, MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT, PARIS

TSIU-KIM, 21, MODEL, LONDON

HIGH & DRY I was keen to get back with my ex-girlfriend and decided to blow a load of cash flying last-minute to Paris, where she lived. It went well at first... until, 12 hours later, she wakes up, turns over and says it’s over. So, I get on the next flight home, rejected, single and now broke. SHEY, 24, COPYWRITER, STAFFORD

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PRIDE COMETH BEFORE A FALL

We were waiting for the bus when my mum realised she’d forgotten her phone, so I ran home to get it. Sprinting back to her, day saved, I stacked it completely. Just as the bus pulled up. Full of people I knew, who were all laughing. AZADEH, 24, ARCHITECTURE STUDENT, VANCOUVER

AS TOLD TO DANIELLA SCOTT. PHOTOGRAPHS ANTONIO PETRONZIO. HAIR AND MAKE-UP CHARLOTTE GASKELL, ASSISTED BY CAMILLA AKEHURST. STYLING HARRIET WALKER

DUCKING & DIVING At the end of a great date, I leant in for a kiss. But he dodged it, and I ended up planting a big one on the side of his head. A bit like a distant relative’s Sunday-lunch greeting. HAZEL, 20, STUDENT, GAINSBOROUGH

SWAN QUAKE During a ballet recital at secondary school, I let out the loudest fart of my life, mid-plié. Nobody believed it was a wind instrument. LIANA, 28, OFFICE WORKER, THE WIRRAL

A PERFECT STORM I was on a run when these kids started chasing me, screaming with excitement. When I stopped, they handed me paper and pens, and asked for my autograph. Wondering where this newfound fame had come from, I started signing, making celebesque conversation as I did. There was a moment of awkward silence when I handed the papers back, until one of them asked, “Oh, so you’re not Stormzy, then?”

THE ACCIDENTAL STUNTWOMAN

RICHARD, 28, BOXER, LONDON

SARAH, 24, PHOTOGRAPHER, LONDON

ASKIDS,MYBROTHERAND I WERE IN THE BACK OF THE CAR, ARGUING ABOUT HIM NOT KEEPING TO HIS SIDE. I DID MY BEST STROPPY HUFF AND LEANT AGAINST THE DOOR, ARMS FOLDED. SUDDENLY, I WAS FLYING OUT OF THE MOVING CAR, AND MISSION IMPOSSIBLESTYLE FELL OUT ONTO THE HARD SHOULDER. LUCKILY, ONLY MY PRIDE WAS HURT.

C O S M O P O L I TA N ·

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Uncharted festivals With Glastonbury on hiatus, it’s time to mix it up a

hWhat is it? A literal blinder, at Iceland’s summer solstice, when the sun doesn’t set for days. hWho’s the crowd? Glastonbury goers looking to increase their vitamin D intake. hWhat you will see: By day three, it will feel like The Walking Dead, where the zombies all wear Day-Glo sunglasses. hWhat you won’t see: First-time festival goers. This is not for the faint-hearted.

hHigh points: Partying on a glacier to the likes of J Hus, Stormzy and… Bonnie Tyler. hDisaster potential: That weird guy you pulled on day one? Hard to hide from him when it doesn’t get dark. hComfort factor: Camp on site or walk into Reykjavik. hWhat the organisers might say: “Come for the Vikings… and try not to vomit.” Å21-24 Jun; Secretsolstice.is

NE ON A BO EO AT TH

THE ARK CRUISE hWhat is it? A five-day jaunt from Barcelona to the Balearics on a boat with 4,000 shipmates. hWho’s the crowd? Ibiza babes meet The Inbetweeners on tour. hWhat you will see: Bikinis, platform rave shoes… hWhat you won’t see: Your mum and dad in their glad rags, off to the cruise cabaret. hHigh points: Partying isn’t limited to the boat. Stop off at Mallorca, Ibiza and Sète.

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hDisaster potential: Swimwear fails, especially on the on-board climbing wall. hComfort factor: Luxury bunks, room service and roller-skating waiters. hWhat the organisers might say: “If the moment takes you, you can get married on-board at our wedding chapel…” Å30 Aug-3 Sept; 3-7 Sept; Theark.cruises

U VA F E ST I VA L hWhat is it? 500 people come together in a 15th-century monastery turned vineyard in Andalucía, Spain, for a mash-up. hWho’s the crowd? Billed as ‘a festival for making friends’, it’s a mix of people who like gaining mates or, indeed, have none. hWhat you will see: Stunning views of the countryside. hWhat you won’t see: Long queues for the loo.

hHigh points: The setting, surrounded by cliffs and lush vegetation. hDisaster potential: Copious cheap drinks, in the middle of nowhere. Go figure. hComfort factor: Airbnbs in the ancient city of Ronda. Camping not an option. hWhat the organisers might say: “Swap your Stella for sangria at our house party.” Å8-10 Jun; Uvafestival.com

LASSICAL RA EC VE TH

N E W G E N E R AT I O N F E ST I VA L hWhat is it? This classical music festival in Florence has concertos early evening, and DJ raves late at night. hWho’s the crowd? Cultured folk of all ages. hWhat you will see: Straw hats and bottles of the finest Chianti. hWhat you won’t see: Girls in flower crowns peeing into cups. hHigh points: Late-night revelling to sets by DJ Harold van Lennep in the magical

private gardens of the Palazzo Corsini. hDisaster potential: Waking up in a hedge with a hot violinist, surrounded by discarded red-wine bottles. hComfort factor: ‘Picnic furniture’ is provided. hWhat the organisers might say: “We love Beyoncé as much as Bach.” Å29 Aug-1 Sept; Newgenerationfestival.org

WORDS MEGAN CONNER. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, SHUTTERSTOCK, LEYLA HESNA, GUY BELL, LILJA DRAUMLAND

S E C R E T S O L ST I C E

IENDLY PL E FR AC TH

E

R

2-HOUR BEND E7 E H T

book a summer alternativee

Catch-up cheat sheet When time is short, backtracking through old episodes of a returning series just isn’t an option. Here’s our guide to the big ones back this month, so you can dive straight in

PLEBS

So what is it? In a the eme park populated by really realistic robotss, human visitors can do whatever they like. The robots should forget everything at the end of each day, but they start to develop memories… Who’s in it? Thandie Newton and Evan Rachel Wood. What’s happened so far? Some robots have worked out what’s going on, and are fighting back. How many hours have I missed? Roughly 10. But solipsistic panic will make time lose all meaning. The episode where it got really hen good: The second, when Maeve (brothel-ownerr ers robot, right) remembe the awful things that have been done to herr. What your colleaguess will say about it over the desk: “I can see g Disneyworld becoming a warzone led by a homicidal robotic Mickey Mouse.” Sound knowledgeable with… “Security chief Ashley’s played by Luke Hemsw worth. Yes, another Hemsworth.” Å Season 2 iss on Sky in Apriil

So what is it? A comed dy about three young me en trying to get with girlss, hold down jobs and raise their social statuss in ancient Rome. It’s like The Inbetweeners set in 27BC. Who’s in it? Friday Night Dinner’s Tom Rosenthal. What’s happened so far? Not much has changed. Oh, and Michelle Keegan popped up in one episode. Popularity and girls? A work in progress. How many hours have I missed? About 11 over three t series, but each e episode has its own story, sso you can dip in and out. T The episode where it got rea ally good: Number two. Like most series, get through the pilott and you’re golden. What your colleagues will say about it over the desk: “Tom Rosenthal is weirdly hot in a toga.” Sound knowledgeable with… “Seth Rogen is developing a US version of this awardwinning sleeper hit.” Å Season 4 is on ITV2 in April

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FUGITI So what is it? A subtit Chilean drama about f people who go on the after a dodgy drug deal. Who’s in it? Um... quite to a lot of South-American actors you probably won’t know. What’s happened so far? Lead Tegui has figured out who set them up, and plans to expose them to clear his name. How many hours have I missed? Factor in tea breaks and subtitle breaks and it’s a full 13 hours. T The episode where it got really good: The series opens with a car chase, with one of the titular fugitivess shot and bleedin ng. So, straight away really… What your colleagues will say about it over the desk: “I’m not even doing any drug deals but I still feel paranoid that I’m about to be double-crossed.” Sound knowledgeable with… “This was the first Chilean show to make it onto British TV.” Å Serries 2 is on Walte er Presents/ Chann nel 4 in April

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS o what is it? It’s tflix’s grown-u up e on Lemony Sni et’s dark h children’s books. Who’s in it? Neil Patrick Harris and d comedy queens Joan Cusack and Lucy Punch. What’s happened so far? The orphaned Baudelaire children are trying to lead a normal life and escape from their murderous moneygrabbing guardian, Count Olaf. How many hours have I missed? Eight hour-long episodes. The episode where it got really good: Number three, when the Baudelaires escape Count Olaf (left) and live with their Uncle Monty. What your colleagues will say about it over the desk k: “I physically laughed, instead of just exhaling g loudly through my nose.” Sound S knowledgeable e with… “Of course, Neil Patrick Harris [right] also sings the theme song…” Å Season 2 is on N Netflix in April

WORDS DANIELLA D SCOTT. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, CHANNEL 4/WALTER PRESENTS, NETFLIX, ITV, SKY

WESTWORLD RLD

Keep it

short No time to wade through a 700-page tome? These literary heavyweights are slimming their output right down

Y 

our average commute probably consists of rewatching Instagram stories, dodging BO-filled armpits and avoiding eye contact with, well, everyone. A more enriching way to survive those hours? Short stories. Three major new collections are being published, allowing you to expand your mind with the writing of great authors – without needing a fortnight on a sunlounger to reach the ending. Want to know which ones are worth your precious time? We read them all to find out. The collection:

The collection:

You Think It, I’ll Say It

Property

Beautiful Days

By: Curtis Sittenfeld Who? Her novel American Wife was a bestseller, but at 640 pages long, you’ll need a beach holiday to finish it. Got an hour? Read: The Prairie Wife. An Instagram star paints herself as the ultimate country wife but is secretly a lesbian – and her old girlfriend wants to expose her. It will take 48 minutes to read and you can spend the remaining g 12 stalking your Instagram favourites… and wondering what’s behind the filter. Got 15 minutes? Read: Bad Latch. A mother th feels judged by a woman in her maternity yoga group. The story unfolds at sprint speed. Bluff it: “Sittenfeld expertly shines a light on how quickly we rush to judge others. It certainly made me re-evaluate my opinions.” £16.99, Doubleday, out 3rd May

By: Lionel Shriver Who? Lauded journalist and author of the award-winning We Need To Talk About Kevin, which was also made into a film starring Tilda Swinton. Got two hours? Read: The Standing Chandelier. This novella about the friendship between a woman and a man (and his jealous fiancée) is ideal for train journeys. Got 12 minutes? Read: The Royal Male. At just six pages, you could read it in the kitchen while your pasta cooks. Bluff it: “Shriver’s theme here is ‘property’ in all senses of the word: examining our relationship with our homes, as well as the people who inhabit them. Essentially she’s asking: do we own parts of our friends and family?” £14.99, The Borough Press, out 19th April

By: Joyce Carol Oates Who? One of America’s greatest writers. Aged 79, she has published more than 40 novels, five of which were finalists for the Pulitzer Prize. Got an hour and a half? Read: The Bereaved. A stepmother comes to terms with the loss of her stepdaughter, who she never really got on with. Got 16 minutes? Read: The Memorial Field At Hazard, Minnesota. A former US President wakes up in hospital, and goes to see the bodies of the hundreds of people whose deaths he feels responsible for. Bluff it: “As she does in most of her writing, Oates brilliantly treads the line between condemnation of, and fascination with, her flawed characters.” £18.99, Ecco

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Reading the small print Literary legends in as little time as possible… The Death Of Ivan Ilyich & y Other Stories, Leo Tolstoy One of his masterpieces, and a lot quicker (and easier) to read than Anna Karenina. Lady Susan And Eighteen Other Short Stories, Jane Austen These 19 tales, penned when Austen was a teenager, even include her spelling mistakes (‘freindship’), which makes us feel much better about our own misspellings. The Complete Stories, Franz Kafka This volume includes all of Kafka’s work apart from his three novels. Instant smug points right there..

WORDS CATRIONA INNES. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES. BASED ON THE AVERAGE READING SPEED OF 200 TO 250 WORDS A MINUTE: ROUGHLY TWO MINUTES PER PAGE (EXECUREAD.COM/FACTS/)

The collection:

MY Last thing o Three pairs of sun s, from Etsy. I collect them, and have hundreds. Favourite emoji? I like the smiley face, showing all its teeth – as that’s what I do when I smile!

First thing you read in the morning? My phone! Which is bad… but I also have a book full of happiness quotes, so then I’ll read from that. Last thing you do before yo ou go to bed? I watch Say Yes To The Dress on repeat until I fall asleep. What TV shows do you binge on? [Reality show]] Long Island Medium, abou ut a woman who is psychic. The last film that made you cry? I cry at everything. But the last time was on a plane watching The Big Sick. What book is on your bedside table waiting to be read? The Chimp Paradox by Prof Steve Peters – it’s all about the mind d, and how much control we have over it. I’m fascinated by that subject. Last time you were starstruck? At the NME Awards, when I had a photo taken with Naomi Campbell.

Song that’s guaranteed to get you on the dancefloor? Survivor, by Destiny’s Child. Even thinking about it makes me want to dance. Last podcast you listened to? I don’t listen to podcasts at all. I want to, I just don’t have the time. What’s on your workout playlist? Run, by Rudimental and Will Heard. Current wallpaper on your phone? A picture of my granddad. Go-to takeaway dish? Veggie korma. I’m trying to go vegetarian. What was your last Google search? It was ‘the difference between “affect” and “effect”’… I still don’t quite understand it! Last person you followed on Instagram? Shawn Mendes. Anne-Marie’s album, Speak Your Mind, is out 27th April

AS TOLD TO CATRIONA INNES. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, TLC/BRIAN BOWEN SMITH, BEN GOLDSTEIN/STUDIO D, INSTAGRAM/@SHAWNMENDES

Singer Anne-Marie tells us what’s keeping her entertained this month...

The app you can’t live without? WhatsApp, or maybe Waze, as I never know where I’m going.

The SSILKY DRAWERS W Warning, footballers: lock u up your shorts ASAP. Vuitton sent them down the runway for S/S 18 paired with regal costume pieces. Marie Antoinette meets Match Of The Dayy.

ALLBROW As A well-versed in Love IIsland as you are in Brexit neegotiations? Fed up n being pigeonholed as of b exclusively high- or lowbrow? Welcome to the allbrow club. W

THUGG BOOTS Oh my God, her legs are melting! Call an ambulance!! Oh no, wait. She’s just wearing thigh-high Uggs – y’know, the ones that look like the foreskin of a giant?

EAR JOBS Kris Jenner is said to have spearheaded the recent rise in cosmetic lobe procedures – which rejuvenate ears/support heavy accessories – along with close family friend Pat Butcher.

HEADBONES Designed for outdoor runners, Aftershokz Trekz headphones (£99.95) conduct soundwaves through your actual cheekbones (to also allow for background noise – stay alert, folks). Nope, not creepy at all.

SNORECASTS

BATHLEISURE

Listening to a monotonous, snoozesome voice used to be the preserve of bad first dates. Now, it’s used in the world’s most boring podcast, Sleep With Me. Weirdly effective.

The new Instagram scenario overtaking infinity-pool-posing in the race for likes. What is it? Influencers and celebs reclining in towels and robes. We miss clothes.

GRAFTER-PARTY The UK’s biggest fitness festival, Be:Fit, is back (4th-6th May)* with an after-party (featuring glitter and skinny prosecco, of course) to ease that thigh burn. Lycra optional. Dancing not.

Sinking our ship

WORDS JENNIFER SAVIN. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, REX FEATURES, JASON LLOYD-EVANS, WALT DISNEY/COLLECTION CHRISTOPHEL/ARENAPAL. *AFTER-PARTY TICKETS £45 FROM BEFITLONDON.COM (INCLUDES AN ALCOHOLIC DRINK, CLASS ACCESS AND A LUXURY AFTER-PARTY GOODIE BAG)

CHILLI DOUGH Remember when stuffed crusts blew our minds? Now it’s Zizzi’s smokedchilli-dough base that’s getting us hot under the collar. It’s a yes y from us.

Floating our boat

Pointing you in the right cultural direction this month...

CLAPBACK MIRRORS The HiMirror Plus+ (an absolute steal at £319) has an in-built camera that analyses your face, then suggests a better skincare regime to solve your many, many problems. Too mean.

C O S M O P O L I TA N ·

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WORDS LUCY PARTINGTON. PHOTOGRAPH ALEKSANDRA KINGO. FOOD STYLING LUCY-RUTH HATHAWAY. PROP STYLING ELENA HORN

YOUR NO–BS GUIDE TO ALL THINGS BEAUTY

READY FOR THIS JELLY? The Far East has a lot to answer for: first came the influx of BB creams. Next, an avalanche of CCs, then, before we knew it, the entire world was drowning in sheet masks. And now? We have the first of what promises to be a plethora of perfumed jellies. Flower By Kenzo Le Sponge, £29.50, is much like those foundation/highlighter/blusher cushions that are floating around in the bottom of your handbag. Except this compact is filled with Flower By Kenzo-scented gel that’s designed to be dabbed onto pulse points, whenever, wherever. Think of it as a modern version of a perfume powder puff, except there’s a whole lot less dust and, we imagine, a whole lot more elegance.

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TRY THE TREND HELMUT LANG S/S 18

SPLIT LIP

1

No need to book into a boxing class – these looks pack their own punch

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BLANK SPACE DIFFICULTY 3/3

Not only do negative-space lips resemble sideways hearts (cute!), but Tillman says this’ll also help fake a fuller pout. “A good-quality, sharp lip brush is key,” she says. Pick a hot-pink, matte lipstick and, using said brush, trace a line from the outer edge of the top lip to the top of your Cupid’s bow. Continue the line down, leaving a small gap at the centre of your lips, ending up where you started.

Colour it in and repeat on each side, top and bottom. Keep make-up remover and some cotton buds handy – this may take a few attempts.

Estée Lauder Pure Color Envy Paint-On Liquid Lipcolor in Pink Zinc Matte, £25

BareMinerals Double-Ended Perfect Fill Lip Brush, £18

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Zoeva Luxe Crease Brush, £8.99

Jo Malone English Mint & Ginger Lip Care, £20

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BOLD MOVE DIFFICULTY 1/3

At L’Oréal Paris’s first catwalk show, models wore dramatic contrasting lip shades. Tillman says prep lips first to soften dry skin – use balm, then blot. Next, apply colour – matte liquid lipsticks are best as they bleed less – to the top lip. “Let that set before you move on to the bottom lip, so the two shades don’t transfer,” she says. Purple and blue not quite your bag? Try pink or red against orange. And if one of your lips is thinner than the other, just use the lightest shade on it to make them look more even. Who needs fillers?

WORDS LUCY PARTINGTON. PHOTOGRAPHS IMAXTREE, JASON LLOYD-EVANS

This dual-toned lip isn’t quite as difficult to do as it looks, we promise. First, choose yourself two contrasting shades – one bright and one dark. “Start with the darker colour, and apply from the outside corners of the lips to around a quarter of the way across,” says Emma Tillman, Estée Lauder UK Pro Make-Up Artist. “Then, apply the brighter shade in the centre of your lips, making sure you define the Cupid’s bow.” Use a fluffy eyeshadow brush to carefully blend the two shades together, et voila! If you want to switch things up even more, try playing with textures: Tillman suggests a dark matte with a bright glossy or metallic shade. Talk about endless options.

Fenty Beauty Lipstick in Clapback, £16

L’OREAL S/S 18

DIFFICULTY 1/3

MARTIN MARGIELA S/S 18

1

OMBRE LOVE

Nailberry Oxyge ed l Lacquer in Maliblue, perfect £14.50 most p e. And by Na erry, so one of our five day, yes?

Clarins Hydra-Essentiel Moisturizing Reviving Eye Mask, £29 Late night? Salvation comes in the form of two blobs of this under your peepers.

Neighbourhood Botanicals Dream Dream Dream Facial Oil, £28 Dreamy name, dreamy texture, dreamy smell. Can we bathe in it?

Charles Worthi ton t ing ue u Sha , ftily li s neutralise red and orange tones in brunettes.

WORDS LUCY PARTINGTON. STILL LIFES PAVEL DORNAK/HEARST STUDIOS

Nin icci Les Monst a Ricci Luna £50.50 (50ml)) Fruity hints of lime and pineapple make the juice just as sweet as the bottle.

Hot right now!

Versace Pour Femme Dylan Blue EDP, £99 (100ml) Blackcurrant and jasmine notes that linger on clothes for days. First-date perfect.

La Roche-Posay Hyalu B5 Serum, £37 Hyaluronic acid and vitamin B5 in one easy-to-use formula. Hello, plumped-up, well-hydrated skin.

Glamglow Waterburst G Hydrated Glow Moisturizer, H £39 Packed with hyaluronic acid, this Korean-skincarenspired moisturiser is the in perfect make-up base. p

Feeling blue? Us, too. Well, we were until we laid eyes on this lot Shay & Blue Black Tulip, £55 (100ml) A bit spicy, a bit floral, a bit sweet (white chocolate notes, FYI). Bit obsessed…

LOVES + 2 01 8 +

When you see beauty products with this logo anywhere, you can be guaranteed they are Cosmopolitan-beautyteam-approved.

Spectrum Collections Air Brush Set, £49.99 There’s nothing we don’t love here. Cute bag? Check. Cuter brushes? Also check.

Guerlain La Petite Robe Noire Lip Colour’Ink in Blue, £23 Any colour layered on top will transform into an icier shade. Genius.

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PERIOD WITH YOUR FACE? It’s bad enough that hormones wreck your mood, but the fact that they mess with your skin, too? All too much! Here’s how to get on top of your cycle

MENSTRUATION

OVULATION DAYS As your body prepares itself 13-15 for ovulation, production

DAYS A typical 28-day cycle 1-5 begins with your period. As the lining of your uterus is shed, hormone levels decrease – oestrogen, testosterone and progesterone are at their lowest, says Alisa Vitti, founder and CEO of Floliving.com and the MyFLO app, nutritionist and writer of WomanCode.

of testosterone and oestrogen continues to steadily increase.

h Hormone hack

h Hormone hack You’ll likely experience redness and sensitivity due to a rise in prostaglandin (a hormone-like compound that ups inflammation and lowers pain tolerance, explains dermatologist Dr Joshua Zei er), as well as an increase in blood f w to capi rie ries. Use soothing skincare, e anti-inflamma y e ening primrose oil. Aveeno Daily Moisturising Lotion, £5.99f

eMalin n+Goetz Recove ery Treatm ment Oil, £62 2

You’ll be at your glowiest. “Oestrogen boosts collagen production and keeps skin moist and plump,” says Dr Lauren Streicher, clinical associate professor of obstetrics and gynaecology. And testosterone makes the skin produce more sebum, which acts as a moisturiser, adds Vitti. However, if your skin is oily, testosterone can lead to pimples (P-acne, the bacteria behind breakouts, feeds off sebum), so use an exfoliating wash. L’Oréal Paris Pure Clay Glow Scrub uses three different types of clay and red algae to d pores.

eL’Oréal Paris Pure Clay Glow Scrub, £3.99

FOLLICULAR PHASE Hormone levels start off low, but

DAYS start to rise slowly (specifically 6-12

oestrogen) as your body begins to mature follicles in the ovaries.

h Hormone hack At this point, your skin will feel less sensitive, red or reactive. “Now is the time to use more intense treatments and active products,” explains Vitti. Try a DIY facial with Sand & Sky Brilliant Skin Detoxify + Brighten Purifying Pink Clay Mask (its natural acids resurface skin). Follow it up with Algenist’s Genius Liquid Collagen super-plumping serum (active collagen water softens lines and firms). It’s also the best time for a wax: research shows that as oestrogen lev vels l rise, i so does pain tolerance. i

Algenisst Genius Liquiid Collagen, £90f

Need special attention when battling your period? Woman:kind is a spa treatment that tackles hormonal changes, soothes sore tummies and balances skin. For locations and price (£49–£80), visit Naturalspafactory.com

eSand & Sky Brilliant Skin Detoxify + Brighten Purifying Pink Clay Mask, £39.90

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3 WAYS TO DEAL WITH HORMONAL CYSTS STS

Struggling to stay on top of your symptoms? Exercise. It’ll help regulate your hormones, increase circulation and shed water to relieve bloating.

LUTEAL PHASE DAYS This post-ovulation/ 16-28 pre-period phase is usually the longest. Before your period begins, oestrogen drops, while progesterone spikes.

hHormone hack The trickiest time for your complexion. “The hormonal imbalance causes inflammation in the skin and can trigger androgens (a type of hormone) to produce thicker sebum in pores,” says skin specialist Kristina Holey. Pre-empt breakouts with a probiotic-infused mask to reduce acne-causing bacteria sans stripping, says Dr Zeichner. Increased circulation to capillaries coupled with sleepless nights (common during this part of the cycle) can also lead to dark circles, so don’t forget the eye cream!

Alpha-H Liquid Gold Firming Eye Cream, £52f

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eGallinée Face Mask & Scrub, £17.90

Oral medications The pill keeps hormones in check, which can greatly reduce hormonal acne. Another bonus: it also suppresses your ovaries by supplying the body with excess oestrogen, which makes skin naturally glowy, says Dr Streicher. If that doesn’t work, talk to your GP about spironolactone – which can be used as an androgen-blocker to treat hormonal acne.

BLOODY HELL ART ATTACK “I was teaching an art-activity class when I started to leak. I checked my skirt and noticed a mark so I grabbed a bottle of red paint, squirted it over my skirt, and then ‘accidentally’ bumped into a table of paint pots.” WHITE OUT “I used to think I could wear whatever I wanted during my period. Until the day I put on very white jeans to go to a restaurant. I had to wrap my boyfriend’s coat around me as we left because, yep, the inevitable happened…”

A healthier diet “The quality of your sebum and whether or not it has an inflammatory effect on the skin plays a big role in hormonal acne,” says Holey, adding that you can thin out your sebum by sticking to a diet that is low in inflammatories. Sadly, that means fewer sugary treats and more vegetables. Perhaps it’s worth jumping on that vegan bandwagon after all...

The (true) stories that left people more than red-faced… RED DREAD “I was 15 and doing a Duke Of Edinburgh trek while on my period. On my heaviest day, I didn’t get to change my pad at all. When I finally got to the toilet, the wings had chafed so much they’d cut into my vagina. And we had two days of hiking to go.”

SMEAR QUEST “I went for my first smear test and agreed to let some training medics watch, totally forgetting I was on my period. My legs were in the stirrups and a team of people was crowded around my crotch when the doctor, without saying anything, removed the tampon I’d forgotten about, and walked it, blood and all, over to the bin.”

WORDS LAUREN BALSAMO. ADDITIONAL WORDS LUCY PARTINGTON. PHOTOGRAPHS LOUISA PARRY. ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, J MUCKLE/STUDIO D, PIXELEYES, HEARST STUDIOS

Topical treatments These deep, painful spots don’t tend to have a head, so traditional acne treatments struggle, says Debbie Thomas, advanced skin care and laser specialist. Something with salicylic acid combined with azelaic or mandelic acid will penetrate deeper and help to break up the blockage, as well as reduce inflammation. Try: Lixir Night Switch BHA/AHA 10%, £20

INGE HAS ISSUES Cosmopolitan’s beauty director INGEBORG VAN

RING

s some t

What’s the deal with …

off her chest

PERSONAL SHOPPER

MAGIC MAKE-UP?

OBSESSED ✱ Isle Of Paradise SelfTanning Water, £18.95* With unique skin-colourcorrecting actives: cue a totally blotch-free tan.

What’s new for lips? Marc Jacobs’ Le Marc Liquid Lip Crayon is a pencil that slicks on like a liquid lipstick, but ends up glossy-ish. Huh? It’s a trick achieved with ‘ghost pearls’, which give the melty long-wear texture a wet-look effect. A gloss that stays put for 16 hours? Miraculous! Eyes? OK, so this doesn’t actually come away in one satisfying little strip, but Too Faced’s peel-off glitter liner can be picked off in flimsy bits. The upshot is that its film-forming agent really does lock down the glitter, so for once you can trust it won’t end up all over your face – or anyone else’s.

IMPRESSED ✱ Mary Kay Timewise Vitamin C Activating Squares, £22 Patches of active vit C you mix with serum before applying to get a potent, fresh hit.

WIZARDRY FOR YOUR MAKE-UP BAG

NON-PLUSSED Hourglass Veil Retouching Fluid, £25

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Nars Natural N N t Radiant Longwear Foundation, £35

Marc Jacobs Le Marc Liquid Lip Crayon, £22

Too Faced Glitter Pop! Peel-Off Eyeliner, £16

✱ Lipstick Queen Girls Will Be Boys Lipstick, £22 Claims its bullet ‘easily glides onto lips of both men and women’. Wow, breakthrough technology.

PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, SHUTTERSTOCK, ALLSTAR/DISNEY. *PRICE PER BOTTLE

Make-up brands are falli over each other to dazzle uss with innovation and texturees we never knew we needed. Some of it is style over rehashed substance, but there’s also stuff that solves our problems and blows our little minds.. Such as? Hourglass Veil Retouching Fluid is a concealer and brightener, but not as you know it. A serum packed with super-fine siliconecoated pigments, it can be piled on top of existing make-up to give it a new lease of life without caking or gathering. And that makes life easier. Can I put it all over my face? That would be silly (you’d use half the little bottle). Instead, try Nars’ new foundation (below), which has the same serum texture, but gives full coverage and stays put, making touch-ups redundant.

Vita Liberata Self-Tanning Anti-Age Serum, £29.95 After mixing three drops of this fresh-smelling serum into my usual moisturiser, I watched my pasty complexion warm within the eight hours promised. It took a couple of days to look officially ‘tanned’, even when applied directly to the skin, so a good one for first-time tanners and paler skin tones. The anti-ageing additions of rose, cucumber and cell-supporting peptides are not to be sniffed at either.

Tropic Sun Drops, £22 I was dubious about the thick, caramelcoloured liquid at first, but appreciated having a colour guide when it came to mixing it with my moisturiser. What followed (10 hours later) was a natural golden glow, thanks to a plant extract that mimics the colour of the skin’s own melanin. Clever. I ditched my bronzer for the rest of the week.

Balance Me Gradual Tanning Drops, £30 An impressively high 98.8% natural formula (if that’s your bag), no colour guide and a noticeable-yet-natural skin warmth after one or two uses (darker than Vita Liberata, subtler than Tropic). The dry-oil consistency makes it perfect for skin on the dry side, as do the skin-loving ingredients aloe vera and vitamin E.

Editor’s pick... Tan-Luxe Sleep Oil, £34 These beforebed drops contain six nourishing oils, including the much-loved likes of argan, raspberry seed and jojoba. It blends like a pampering product (no moisturiser-mixing required), and contains certified-organic DHA (that’s the tanning agent). I rose from my pillow looking like a sun-kissed goddess. Legit skincare with beauty benefits.

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Tmhoins th...

Tanning drops Could the humble pipette be the key to foolproof facial tanning? Sun-avoider CASSIE POWNEY seeks a summer glow Marks & Spencer Autograph Self Tan Luxe Oil, £12.50 Full marks for the just-returnedfrom-two-weeks-abroad colour, which is easily maintained with every-other-day application directly onto the skin. But at less than half the price of its contender oil, what’s the catch? A noticeably less nourishing ingredients list, which didn’t go unnoticed – I had driedout skin for the whole week I used it.

PHOTOGRAPHS TODD BARRY

BEAUTY LAB

WORDS CATRIONA INNES. PHOTOGRAPH PIXELEYES. ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES. *PER 100G, ACCORDING TO NUTRITION-AND-YOU.COM/JUJUBE.HTML

STRETCH YOUR BODY AND YOUR MIND...

LET IT JUJU-BE We’ve finally learned how to pronounce acai, added pond (OK, spirulina, same difference) to our smoothies and convinced ourselves that turmeric lattes are better than a regular cup of Joe. And now there’s a new superfood in town to get our tastebuds (and vocabulary) around: the jujube. Thankfully fairly easy to pronounce (joo-joob), this berry gives us 115% of our RDA of vitamin C,* plus minerals, phytonutrients and 18 of the 24 amino acids our bodies need to build muscle and function properly. Even better news? They don’t taste like your granddad’s insoles – eaten fresh, they’re akin to a sweet apple. You can get dried ones (which taste like dates) to snack on from Ocado.com (£1.99). Maybe this is one health craze that’ll actually be a hit.

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T 

More of us than ever are travelling in search of enlightenment, but do we really know what we’re getting into? KATE GRAHAM investigates what happens when retreats go rogue...

he soaring sandstone cliffs of Sedona in Arizona are magical. When the morning rays hit the towering rock formations at just the right angle, they seem to catch fire, flickering from red to ochre, orange to umber. Little wonder, then, that thousands of devotees come to this city every year in search of spiritual enlightenment, lured by the dozens of centres and retreats that have sprung up over the past 10 years. New Yorker Kirby Brown, 38, was one of them. She came for a retreat she hoped might unlock her potential as an entrepreneur. By the time that retreat was over, 18 people were in hospital and three, including Kirby, were dead. “We called her Hurricane Kirby. She was drunk on life,” says her mother, Ginny Brown. An adventurous spirit, Kirby loved to climb, cycle and surf, always grabbing opportunities with both hands. So, when she wanted to take her painting business to the next level, she went all in, blowing her life savings on a five-day motivational retreat led by the charismatic James Arthur Ray. The millionaire guru promised to help her and more than 50 others “push past their self-imposed borders” to better their lives. What that involved was foregoing sleep for a 36-hour food-and-drink fast and shaving off all her hair. Finally, in the stifling heat of the Arizona desert, she entered a crowded ‘sweat lodge’ made of wood, plastic and blankets. As the temperatures soared, people started vomiting, but they were told to stay and push through the pain. They were told it would feel like they were dying. Two hours later, Kirby died from acute heat stroke. i C O S M O P O L I TA N ·

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W  

e’re in the middle of a wellness boom. We live in an age where a £46 egg-shaped crystal for your vagina, touted by Gwyneth Paltrow, sells out. Festivals at which you swig cider and sing along to indie bands are on the decline, while fitness festivals are flourishing. The multi-day Wanderlust event has grown from a one-off in the US in 2009 to something held in 10 countries worldwide. The entire wellness industry is said to be worth roughly £3trillion.* The fastest-growing sector within that? Wellness tourism. Worth around £350 billion,** it saw a 10% rise last year alone. And its main consumers? Experience-thirsty millennials. Spafinder’s State Of Wellness Travel Report revealed that not only are millennials the core wellness tourism demographic, but also that our goals are ‘adventure’ and ‘enlightenment’ rather than ‘fluffy robes’.

UP HIGH If it’s deep enlightenment and an experience-unlike-any-other that we’re looking for, then ayahuasca seems to offer it. The hallucinogenic plant, taken primarily in Peru, Brazil, Colombia and Ecuador, has been used in South America for centuries as part of religious ceremonies within tribes. However, of late, retreats offering it have seen a rise in young people, women in particular, eager to ‘discover’ themselves through the drug. Taken in tea, ayahuasca gives a high that can last up to six hours – it causes strong hallucinations, with those who have tried it saying they’ve had visions from their past and advice given to them from deceased loved ones, or even God. Some claim that they’ve left with a deeper understanding of their life. In the UK and US, its active ingredient, dimethyltryptamine (DMT), is an illegal, class-A drug.

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More than 50 people

And with good reason. Side effects went on the retreat include seizures and respiratory arrest, and there have been at least five deaths at retreats in recent years. “Ayahuasca puts people in touch with their deep psyches and memories,” explains anthropologist Jeremy Narby. “It’s possible not to know how vulnerable you are until you take it. By then, it’s too late to turn back.” That’s something Julia, a 29-year-old advertising manager, experienced firsthand. She tried The makeshift lodge’ desert ‘sweat iboga, an African plant with similar hallucinogenic properties, at an underground retreat. “Before I took the drug, I was asked to submit a history detailing my life’s emotional events. That included the fact that I was attacked, raped and nearly murdered at 17,” Julia says. The retreat leader’s advice shocked her. “He said I should relive the event. It was the most terrifying experience of my life. The visions were more real than the actual memories – it was like allowing someone to rape me again.” At first it seemed to help: “I remembered different parts of the attack and saw that I just couldn’t have fought back. It helped ed with my guilt tremendously. I was told I was cured. Three months later, I realised I wasn’t fixed at all.” Violent visions suddenly appeared; she constantly felt people were attacking g her. Julia was referred to a mental-health professionaal and treated for extreme depression and posttraumatic stress disorder. Iboga didn’t create those issues, she explains, it just brought them to Ray served 20 James Arthur hss n for the deat iso pr in s th mon

Kirby Brown at her home

LL.CO.UK. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES (POSED BY MODEL), SHUTTERSTOCK. ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHS TRANSFORMATIONATANGELVALLEY.COM. *ACCORDING TO THE GLOBAL WELLNESS INSTITUTE. **ACCORDING TO LONELY PLANET. SOME NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED

the surface. But without proper medical guidance or aftercare, she wasn’t equipped to cope with the psychological impact. There’s also the danger that while trapped in a high, you’re also trapped in tight confines with strangers, who may not have your best interests at heart. That was the experience of Perrie, a 32-year-old PA who was sexually assaulted on an ayahuasca t year. For days, her shaman touched her repeatedly. Temperatures in the lodge hit “The only way 90°C out was by boat,” she says. “I played along with his game because I had no other choice. On he final night, the haman yelled at me or not standing up hen he told me to. t 1.30am I got up, t my passport and oney in a zip-lock g, walked to the river slipped into the er, prepared to swim afety. I wasn’t afraid. Survival was my only thought.” Finally, she managed to flag down a boat and paid its crew to take her to Iquitos, the nearest city.

DANGEROUS MINDS It can be easy to think that, were something to go wrong, you would be strong enough to deal with it. But at the extreme end of the wellnessretreat scale, often you’re pushed so far out of your comfort zone that you’re not yourself – even when there are no drugs involved. Lauded retreats of recent years include the Ayurvedic cleanse – eating ghee (that’s clarified butter) for three days, before spending a day drinking milk, mixed with salt water, until you throw up – or colon hydrotherapy, where water is pumped into your intestines. Even less extreme

practices tend to involve early rises and restricted diets. And when your body is deprived of sleep, water and food for prolonged periods of time, your ability to think clearly is disturbed. Away from home and surrounded by like-minded people, it’s easy to be swayed into questionable ways of thinking. And those in place to take care of you during this time are often not qualified to cope should something go wrong. When teacher Laura, 37, went on a weekend meditation retreat, she didn’t know she had an undiagnosed bipolar disorder. The retreat leaders did no mentalhealth screening at all. “I meditated for hours asking, ‘Who am I?’ over and over,” she says. Days later, Laura was committed to a psychiatric ward. She’s clear the retreat didn’t cause her disorder, but argues that meditation is a powerful practice that should be taken seriously by those running retreats. Clinical psychologist Dr Rachel Andrew agrees: “If people have suffered traumatic events in their past, they often cope by blocking them out. Suddenly having to think about these memories can lead to being re-traumatised. Mental-health professionals work slowly and carefully to ensure therapies are helpful, not harmful. Some retreat teachers are simply not qualified or skilled enough to do this properly.” Nurse Louisa, 24, tried out the now-famous Vipassana silent meditation retreat. Her experience was nightmarish. Forbidden from going outside, given very little food and deprived of sleep, she quickly began to feel disorientated. And that was before the leaders turned off her water to keep her “punctual”. By the fourth day, she’d decided to leave, which was trickier than expected due to exhaustion and confusion.“I saw

people coming down the stairs like zombies, their eyes blank and their mouths open. They walked so incredibly slowly, their faces completely dead,” she says.

INDUSTRY TRAPS These stories, of course, don’t reflect an entire industry. But what they do highlight is a problem with the ever-expanding market: that almost anyone can set up a retreat. There are no qualifications needed to call yourself a ‘guru’. And there’s no definitive list of vetted, safe retreats. Throw into the mix the mindset of people who might book themselves onto a retreat: vulnerable people, searching for closure after a break-up or bereavement, or those like Kirby – go-getters, eager to push their limits, regardless of physical or financial cost. When these people are put in the wrong hands, the results can – and have – proved deadly. After the Sedona deaths (James Shore, 40, died upon arrival at hospital and Lizabeth Neuman, 49, passed away after more than a week in a coma), Ray was convicted of three counts of negligent homicide and served 20 months in prison, but he’s now trying to rebuild his self-help career. Ginny Brown has dedicated her life to speaking on her daughter Kirby’s behalf, setting up Seeksafely.org to offer advice to self-help retreat attendees. They ask those running retreats to follow the ‘Seek Safety Promise’, agreeing to a list of principles and practices to keep participants informed and safe. The key, Brown says, is the way that retreats are run. Find one that’s safely organised, with qualified experts on hand, and it can be a wonderful experience. “Kirby isn’t here, so I can say this on her behalf: don’t stay away from things. Just walk into them with open eyes as well as an open heart.” ◆

“Anyone can call themself a guru”

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TARGETS Glutes, thighs 1 Stand with your hands on your hips. 2 Step back, bending your left le at 90˚. Get your knee as close to the loor as possible (without touching it! 3 Using that glute, drive back into standing position and kick. 4 Repeat with your right leg.

STEP1Runner’s lunge

icture the scene: the clock hits 4pm, and you just stay sitting at your desk. You don’t rush to make yourself a double espresso, or chow down a doughnut. You don’t need to. You have enough energy already. Impossible? Not according to Bradley Simmonds. Trainer to Theo Walcott, Frank Lampard, Louise Redknapp and Maya Jama, he says if we begin our day with HIIT, we’ll feel full of juice for the rest of it.“The moves are tough,” he says. “You don’t have to breathe through them, just go as hard as you can before pausing.” Do each move for 30 seconds, rest for 30, then repeat three more times.

Feeling sluggish? Try this workout, by the man who keeps the A-list on their A-game

TIP!

WORDS CATRIONA INNES, MEGAN LEVERS. PHOTOGRAPH SHUTTERSTOCK. ILLUSTRATIONS LIZZY THOMAS. GET IT DONE BY BRADLEY SIMMONDS (HQ, £16.99). FIND HIM ON INSTAGRAM @BRADLEYSIMMONDS

Simmonds recommends doing these HIIT moves in the morning, on an empty stomach, before having some overnight oats with a banana.

C O S M O P O L I TA AN ·

TARGETS Glutes, thighs 1 Start in plank – back straight, your chest aligned with your hands. 2 Engage your abs and glutes – and ensure your bum isn’t in the air. 3 Bring one knee into your chest, then move it back to starting position and bring the other in. 4 Now jump both feet out, then back to starting position, once, quickly. 5 Got the hang of it? Now do it again, faster.

STEP2Mountainjacks

STEP5Squatwalks TARGETS Glutes, thighs 1 Begin in a squat stance – hips back, knees in line with fe t 2 Lower down, an when you’re at your low s , take four steps fo r 3 Explode into a squat jump. 4 Land back on your feet, and repeat.

STEP3Chest-to-floorbur ee TARGETS Full body, upper body, glutes 1 Begin standing up straight. 2 Bend knees, then jump back into a plank position. 3 Lower your chest to the loor, pushing your elbows behi d you. 4 Once you’re as close t t e floor as possible, push back up i t plank. 5 Now go back down o t your chest once more. 6 Push back to standin

1 Start sprinting on the spot, bringing each elbow to the opposite knee. 2 Bring your knees up as high as possib keeping your body straig and balanc 3 If you be to wobble, slow down but push yourself as hard as you can. You got this.

STEP4Sprints TARGETS Glutes, core

O’NEILL S/S 18

Swimsuit, £46, Seaspray

Backpack, around £15, Finis

Foam roller, £49.95, Nike

Sliders, £30, Lacoste at Asos.com

Towel, £44.99, O’Neill

Swimming cap, £17.95, Adidas

WATER BABY Take your strokes to the next level in the sleekest of swimming gear Paddle, £17 (part of set), Speedo at Wiggle.co.uk

PSST… Lie face up and hold a kickboard to your chest – it’ll make your abs work hard to keep your head above a ter.

Swimsuit, £285, Caroline Constas at Net-a-porter .com

Nose clip, £4, Arena at Simply swim.com

Flip flops, £26, Havaianas

Water shoes, £8.50, Hot Tuna at Sports Direct

Kickboard, £15, DHB at Wiggle.co.uk

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Underwater MP3 player, £85, Finis at Wiggle.co.uk

Dumbbells, £22, Speedo.com

COMPILED BY MADDY ALFORD

Goggles, £15.95, Adidas

Pedometer watch, £70, Swimovate PoolMate at Simplyswim.com

SOMETIMES IT’S WHAT’S ON THE OUTSIDE THAT COUNTS

WORDS AMY BANNERMAN. PHOTOGRAPH LEO ACKER

PUMP IT UP We spent hours, OK, maybe days, perfecting her nonchalant cat-eye flick, wrestled a granny to the floor in Marks & Spencer to get our hands on that iconic ruffle-neck shirt, and despaired that our wardrobes were like a bad jumble-sale rail in comparison to hers. Now Alexa Chung has put her heart and literal sole into a collaboration with Italian pump brand Superga. These new kicks come in high/low and backless styles, as well as classic white and satin jewel colours, which are totally evening-appropriate. But how does the queen of insouciant chic wear hers? “Personally, I like to wear mine with dungarees or jeans and a denim jacket,” she told us. *Cue frantic googling of dungarees* Superga x Alexa Chung, from £72

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Need an effort-free way to update your look? We’ve got 64 of ’em. Spring’s hottest bags have landed…

t's al in the Senior Fashion Editor SAIREY STEMP Photographer CAROLINE LEEMING

Top, £28; shorts, £32, both River Island. Bag, £335, Yosuzi

SHOP ME NOW

£24, Topshop £250, Michael Michael Kors

£30, Oasis

£49.99, TK Maxx £45, V by Very.co.uk £22.99, New Look

The woven basket

£89, Plümo

Pop one of these on your arm and you’ll forever feel like you’re wandering through a sunny market in Marrakech. Feel free to add a cherry on top. Also, pompoms

£390, Loeffler Randall

Psst... Raw textures like these can snag embroidery or delicate fabrics like silk. When you’re taking your woven tote out, stick to tougher fabrics such as denim, cotton or corduroy.

£16, Peacocks

£78, Sensi Studio at The Outnet.com

£100, Claudie Pierlot

£18, Matalan

£45, Nine by Savannah Miller at Debenhams i

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£250, Aspinal Of London

£440, Orla Kiely at Very exclusive. co.uk

£110, Matt & Nat £26, Warehouse

£12, Asos.com

£180, Maykher.com

The mega tote £125, Mix/Zocalo Chic by Label: Mix at Next.co.uk

£99, Ri2k

What’s a girl to do when she needs to buy four pints of milk, a set of encyclopaedias and a Shetland pony? Turn up the volume, of course Psst... Rooting through one of these supersizers to find your keys isn’t fun. Keep go-to essentials in a make-up bag and attach to the inside of your tote with ribbon or cord.

£375, Tory Burch

£45, Label Lab at House Of Fraser

£99, Kurt Geiger London

£45, M&S Collection

£18, George

£89, Whistles

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Shirt dress, £395, Victoria, Victoria Beckham. Bag, £185, Essentiel Antwerp. Rings (left hand), £65; (right hand) £65, £140, all Pandora i

Jacket, £315; trousers, £185, both Sandro. Multicoloured bag, £490, Les Petits Joueurs. Blue bag, £22, Oasis. Ring, £140, Pandora

£65, Zatchels

£189.99, Ecco £650, Hill & Friends £260, Sandro

£65, Dune London

The mini cross-body

£110, Tommy Hilfiger

£8, Primark

“All my stuff? Oh, it’s outside in the limo with my driver. I only carry the essentials.” Presenting the sleekest, chicest way to roll this season

£25, Star by Julien Macdonald at Debenhams

Psst... Use your strap to adjust your look: long for a classic effect that’s perfect for work, or when it’s playtime, shorten as far as it’ll go and wear high for a more versatile, sporty look.

£280, Diesel

£115, Bimba Y Lola

£59, Guess £

£99, Kurt Geiger London

£90, Cath Kidston i

£250, Theory

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£22, Eastpak £18, Miss Selfridge £80, Lacoste £210, Diesel

£70, Biba at House Of Fraser

The new bumbag

£22, Accessorize

£22, V by Very.co.uk

£22, V by Very. co.uk

To recap, for those recently returned from the moon: in the fashion world, this little bag is now a big deal. The ’90s revival continues. Fingers crossed for a Dawson’s Creek reunion

£12.99, New Look

Psst... Want to infiltrate the fashion elite? Wear yours casually slung cross-body (right). The classic way works, too: thread a mini version through the belt loops of your jeans.

£19.99, Mi-Pac

£28, Topshop

£17.99, Lamoda.co.uk £105, Bimba Y Lola £6, Primark £29, Urban Outfitters

£15, Asos.com

£178, Kate Spade New York

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£12.99, New Look

Shirt, £220; dress, £350; bag, £195; sunglasses, from a selection, all House Of Holland X Hair Jason Crozier at Stella Creative Artists, using Sachajuan and Milk + Blush hair extensions. Make-up Rebekah Lidstone at Stella Creative Artists, using Too Faced. Model Marine Dandoy at The Squad. Fashion assistant Emily Bond

HEY, HOW DO IYellow? WEAR… …without looking like Laa-Laa the Teletubby

3 CHOOSE YOUR SHADE

If your skin has warm undertones, you’ll be able to pull off richer, deeper shades of yellow, such as mustard or amber. On skin with cooler undertones, pastel will look best. Not sure which you are? If the veins on your inner wrist look blue-ish, you have cool undertones; if they look more green, you’re a warm-toned gal. True Crayola brights and neons look best on darker skin tones (just tell your friends not to forget their sunglasses).

1 WHY IT WORKS

Agreed, yellow is a tricky colour. It’s easy to look washed out or garish wearing it next to your face. But balance sweetcorn-coloured trousers out with a pastel-pink long-line jacket and you’ll nail it.

2 STYLE IT RIGHT

The trick to being taken seriously when wearing yellow is all in the styling. Tailored pieces like trousers, blazers or structured jumpsuits all look grown-up because they err on the side of formal. A short slip dress is elegant for evening, and can be dressed up or down. Or, just add a pop of the colour via your accessories – a bag charm, phone case or high heel. Head-to-toe yellow is probably best saved for the red carpet.

Kate Bosworth

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4 COLOUR PAIRINGS

Think back to the colour wheel from primary school. Purple and yellow sit on opposite sides of the wheel, meaning they’re complementary colours and work together well – same with yellow and blue. Earth tones such as brown and rust, meanwhile, play nicely with similarly earthy yellows. This season also brought forth lots of unexpected colour mash-ups, like Kate’s golden yellow with pastel pink. Still scared? Neutrals like grey, black, nude and white are fail-safes.

4 THE ACCESSORY

Fashion stylist Emili knows the simplest yellow hack: save it for your accessories if you’re not feeling it as a separate. Brown (especially in on-trend corduroy) and yellow are perfect together (see tip 4 for more on earth tones), and neutrals and pastels blend in without overpowering. The bright flash of colour from the accessories helps to add playfulness to an otherwise elegant outfit. A*. Blazer, £69.99, H&M. Top, £89, Finery. Skirt, £35.99, Mango. Bag, £450, Shrimps at Matchesfashion.com. Shoes, £149, Kurt Geiger

Emili Sindlev

WORDS AND STYLING MADDY ALFORD. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, REX FEATURES, ACIELLE/STYLEDUMONDE.COM, PIXELATE

4 THE SUNNY SLIP

A loose, short slip dress is a great canvas for this bold hue, because you’ll still have lots of skin on show, meaning the colour won’t be overwhelming. Blue is a complementary colour, so a denim jacket or silky bomber are ideal layers for your look. Hailey’s darker yellow shade plays well with her tan – it could leave someone with cooler skin tones looking washed-out.

Hailey Baldwin

Jacket, £255, Colmar. Dress, £12, Missguided. Sunglasses, £16, River Island. Bag, £75, Paul’s Boutique. Boots, £30, Hidden Fashion

PSST... Against a yellow one-piece, navy is less harsh than black, and makes bright, canary shades more wearable.

4 THE TROUSER If a trouser-and-blazer combo is o formal for you, take inspiration m Victoria’s Secret model Nadine and p your look off with a white e ee. Tailoring not your thing? r ck pant with trainers keeps the look on-trend and casual.

Nadine Leopold

T-shirt, £65, Etre Cécile. Trousers, £149, Baum Und Pferdgarten. Necklace, £45, Rachel Jackson London. Earrings, £53, Tad daandtoy.com. Trainers, £39.95, United Colors Of Benetton

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GUCCI S/S 18

£177, Black Eyewear

£190, Markus Lupfer x Linda Farrow

£69, Po oppylissiman. com

£5.99, H&M

Hello £10, Claire’s

HEART EYES

£239, Miu Miu at Sunglass Hut

Team with faded denim flares and a shrunken tee to look like you’ve just stepped out of That ’70s Show. (Ashton Kutcher sadly not included)

£3, Primark

£220, Yazbukey x Linda Farrow

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THE EDIT £15.99, Zara

FAR OUT PRADA S/S 18

Super-slanty shades: stylish, spunky and perfect for hiding eye-roll when your mum’s bemoaning Auntie Sue’s potato salad again

£160, Illesteva

£12, Asos.com

su shine The sun has got his hat on, so you should be accessorising, too. Whether you’re into heart eyes, cat eyes or just enjoy giving the occasional side eye, here’s our pick of the hottest shade shapes i Senior Fashion Editor S A I R E Y S T E M P

£715, Linda Farrow

£118, Gigi Hadid for Vogue Eyewear

£12, River Island

£290, Céline

£10, Monki

£177, Black Eyewear

£71, Poppylissiman.com

£14, Asos.com i

£7.99, New Look

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£18, Topshop £47, Poppylissiman.com

£157, Emporio Armani at Sunglass Hut

£180, No.21 x Linda Farrow

£90, Toms

£180, Kaleos Eyehunters

£7.99, New Look

£120, L F Markey

£75, Le Specs

ALBERTA FERRETTI S/S 18

GUCCI S/S 18

CAT EYES The more angled these bad boys are, the fiercer, and more feline, you’ll look. A pussycat in lion’s clothing, if you will

OVER-THE-TOP £85, Le Specs at Revolve.com

£177, Black Eyewear

£159, Kymesunglasses.com

£14, Urban Outfitters

£160, Illesteva

£159, McQ

For the brave. Or the hungover/very tired/ *insert your issue here* – these will divert attention from your pasty pertly p y

£300, Moncler £12, River Island

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£280, Linda Farrow

£335, Gucci at Coggles.com

£320, Cutler And Gross

£49.95, Komono

£12, River Island

£165, Stella McCartney

£87, Poppylissiman.com

£220, Freda Banana at Net-a-porter.com

£118, Gigi Hadid for Vogue Eyewear

£17.99, Mango

£160, Kymesunglasses.com

£45, Quay Australia

ROUND

£33, Izipizi

BOTTEGA VENETA S/S 18

Part beach chic, part festival cool. Pair these with tousled hair to look Palm Springs, even if you’re only in Portsmouth

£136, Ray-Ban

£8.99, H&M

£255, Oliver Peoples

£25, Skinny Dip

GUCCI S/S 18

£75, Le Specs

£160, Illesteva £535, Linda Farrow

£310, Christopher Kane

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PHOTOGRAPHS JASON LLOYD-EVANS

OBLONG Yes, Gucci’s shades aren’t unlike the 3D glasses you get at the cinema. No, you can’t just wear your Odeon freebies Od f bi

WORDS JENNIFER SAVIN. PHOTOGRAPH LOUISA PARRY. *OH SH*T, I ALMOST KILLED YOU! BY SONJA SCHWARTZBACH, OUT NOW

WORK SMARTER, NOT HARDER…

NEW CAREER BREWING First came the fashion bloggers, then the beauty vloggers, then the fit-fluencers. Now, it’s ‘cloggers’ – yep, that’s career bloggers: people who write about their 9-to-5s. The Secret Barrister offers a fly-on-the-wall view of the criminal justice system, Nurse Sonja’s musings from the A&E frontline are so compulsive, they’re now a book*, and Dutch Pilot Girl impresses 92,000+ followers with an insight into life at 35,000ft. So, how do you turn your part-time gig into a like-fest? Beckii Cruel, of influencer marketing agency Social Circle, advises balancing education and entertainment: “Combine making your audience laugh – or cry – with useful tips they can deploy in their own lives.” Not sure it’s for you? Use the trend to find frank career advice, by searching out the hashtags for your dream job (just take the profession and add the word ‘life’). Next up: commutefluencers.

C O S M O P O L I TA N ·

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T GET Want a free pep talk from the stars of business and beyond? Step this wayy

T

hey’ve launched hundreds of careers, landed unknowns lucrative book deals and notched up billions of views on YouTube. Ted Talks are a phenomenon – we started ‘leaning in’ thanks to Sheryl Sandberg’s Why We Have Too Few Women Leaders, we upped our sleep game because of Arianna Huffington’s rallying cry, and we know a good chunk of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s We Should All Be Feminists after Beyoncé sampled it on Flawless. But finding new talks can be tough – each one is supposed to be on an ‘idea worth spreading’, but often it’s a trope you’ve heard before. We’ve waded through hours of footage to find the talks that will actually inspire you.

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THE TALK

GET COMFORTABLE WITH BEING UNCOMFORTABLE The idea: Be the domino. Who: Luvvie Ajayi – a writer and activist who calls herself a “professional shade thrower”, and whose fans include Bono and Shonda Rhimes. What? Ajayi believes troublemakers can make real change – just by stating the

controversial opinion. She talks about times in her life when she’s said something she assumed would be unpopular (like criticising a well-known author), only to realise others not only felt the same, but were thankful she’d started the conversation. Quote: “For a line of dominoes to fall, one has to fall first, which then leaves the others choiceless to do the same… Being the domino, for me, looks like speaking up and doing the things that

are really difficult, especially when they are needed.” Apply it: Criticising an idea or process thatt everyone else seems OK ke with may not seem lik it’s worth the trouble – but chances are others are sitting theree thinking it’s a duff ide too. In these instances, Ajayi has three questio s she asks herself. “One Do you mean it? Two: Can you defend it? Three: Are you sayin it with love? If the ans is yes to all three, I say it and let the chips fall.

Ashley Judd salutes the power of a good Ted Talk

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THE TALK

WHAT I LEARNED FROM 100 DAYS OF REJECTION

HOW FRUSTRATION CAN MAKE US MORE CREATIVE

The idea: Rejection resilience. Who: Jia Jiang – author, blogger, entrepreneur and allround charming man. What? Jiang overcame his paralysing fear of rejection by forcing himself to confront it every day for 100 days. He began by asking a stranger for $100 (er, no, mate) and eventually convinced a university professor to let him teach a course. He found the more he got used to the word ‘no’, the easier it was to stay and challenge it. Quote: “People who really change the world, who change the way we live and think, are the people who were met with initial and often violent rejections.” Apply it: This is the basic premise of exposure therapy: confront yourself with things you’re afraid of. Scared of cold-calling clients? Do it every day. And next time you’re knocked back, instead of running home and diving headfirst into a tub of Ben & Jerry’s, force yourself to ask (nicely) why. At the very least, you’ll get useful feedback – and you could end up changing someone’s mind.

The idea: Deliberate disruption. Who: Tim Harford – financial journalist and author of the book Messy: The Power Of Disorder To Transform Our Lives. What? We all like it when things happen easily, right? Except for Harford, who argues that the more awkward and messy the process, the better the outcome. He cites how students who were given handouts in ‘difficult’ fonts, like italicised Comic Sans (our eyes!), did better in tests, as it forced them to slow down and work harder. Quote: “The ugly font, the awkward stranger, the random move… these disruptions help us solve problems, they help us become more creative.” Apply it: Find a way to challenge your normal routine. Think you’re best in the morning? Start a project at night. Write out a proposal by hand instead of typing it first. Basically mess around with things a bit.

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“Confront yourself with things you’re scared of”

THE TALK

THE TALK

WHY IT’S TIME TO THE SURPRISING FORGET THE PECKING HABITS OF ORDER AT WORK ORIGINAL THINKERS The idea: Superflocks. Who: Margaret Heffernan – former CEO of five companies and business author. What? In a famous experiment, a biologist put together a flock of very productive chickens, thinking it’d produce a ‘superflock’ and lots of eggs. It didn’t. Only three chickens survived – the rest were pecked to death. In comparison, an ‘average’ flock were thriving. Heffernan says this is like many offices – and instead of striving to hire the very best, we should work together to become the best team. Quote: “No idea is born fully formed. It emerges a little bit as a child is born… messy and confused but full of possibilities – and it’s only through generous contribution, faith and challenge that they achieve their potential.” Apply it: Got an idea you think would work, but not quite sure how? Suggest a brainstorm with colleagues. Work alone? Ask your contacts’ opinions on projects – they might see things differently.

The idea: Vuja de. Who: Adam Grant – psychology professor and author of New York Times bestsellers Originals and Give And Take. He also co-wrote Sheryl Sandberg’s Option B. What? Like the reverse of déjà vu, silly.“Vuja de is when you look at something you’ve seen many times before and all of a sudden see it with fresh eyes,” says Grant. According to him, it’s one of the most common habits of creative people. Encouraging doubt – not in yourself, but in an idea – is a good thing. Quote: “It’s about being the kind of person who takes the initiative to doubt the default and look for a better option.” Apply it: Don’t accept the first version of something. Try to leave yourself enough time to go back to a project, document or important email – even if it’s just the next day. And if you suspect something can be done better, dig around to find another way to do it. ◆

PSST... Want to know the number one thing Cosmopolitan editor-in-chief Farrah Storr has learned in her career? Check out her Ted Talk at Cosmopolitan.com/uk/ FarrahsTedTalk

WORDS CLARE THORP. PHOTOGRAPHS MARLA AUFMUTH/TED, GETTY IMAGES, JAMES DUNCAN DAVIDSON/TED, BRET HARTMAN/TED, RYAN LASH/TED

THE TALK

‘Test, learn and move on’

SELF MADE

AS TOLD TO JENNIFER SAVIN. PHOTOGRAPH TIM BISHOP. *ACCORDING TO DATA FROM M&A, PRIVATE EQUITY, AND VC DATABASE PITCHBOOK

From leading a huge company to co-founding AllBright, a members’ club for women in business, ANNA JONES, 43, has the pedigree to pass on advice ³Don’t let a good idea get away If you can’t leave an idea alone, then don’t. Before setting up AllBright, a members’ club and 360° support system for women in business, I was the CEO of publishers Hearst UK. I’d spent years working my way up – I was in charge of the best part of 1,000 people, but had always wanted to start my own company. Six months after reading the shocking data surrounding female entrepreneurs [just 2% of all venture capital went to female founders last year*], and meeting my co-founder Debbie Wosskow, a serial entrepreneur, I knew I had to make the leap. We sketched out our first businessplan draft on the back of a menu and never looked back. We named the business after [US politician] Madeleine Albright, who said, “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.” ³Value your reputation Imagine your mum is sitting next to your desk or that what you say’s being broadcast. Reputation is everything and it never ceases to amaze me how many people don’t act professionally at work. It’s important to be authentic, but keep the conversations you have over cocktails separate. ³Keep getting feedback People talk about ‘failing fast’ in business, but few actually do. When we first started

ANNA’S BUSINESS ESSENTIALS Podcast: I love Badass Women’s Hour, hosted by three businesswomen who I find very cool and inspirational. My co-founder and I went on the show as agony aunts once – it was so much fun. Book: I read it about 10 years ago, but still recommend Freakonomics by Stephen J Dubner and Steven Levitt. It takes data and looks at the art of storytelling with stats. Publication: THE WEEK The Week – it has information on everything that’s happened in the past seven days. It’s great for people who have no time but want to stay informed.

AllBright, we tried to create a crowdfunding platform. It wasn’t working in the way we’d hoped, so we created the members’ club. I’m a marketer at heart and have seen first-hand that the best way to operate is to test, learn and move on – and keep getting feedback. I’m not suggesting that if you have a business selling handbags and that fails, you move on to buying rocket ships. It’s about evolving. If handbags didn’t work, why not try suitcases instead? ³Combine purpose and profit It’s vital you do something you care about. A lot of the women I meet at work have businesses with a mission: they marry purpose and profit. Quite often, people come up with great ideas when they encounter something in their own lives that could be made better. It wasn’t until I got the spark of AllBright that I knew it was time to answer my entrepreneurial calling. 4Want to start your own business? Join us at the Cosmopolitan Self Made Summit, 14th-15th April 2018. Book now at Selfmadesummit.co.uk C O S M O P O L I TA N ·

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‘I ALWAYS WANTEDTO BE THE Actress, wife, mother, activist… best not to mess with Zoe Saldana, as we found out i Wo r d s L O T T I E L U M S D E N

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PREVIOUS SPREAD: TOP AND TROUSERS, AU JOUR LE JOUR. THIS PAGE: TOP; SKIRT; BRIEFS; BELT, ALL NO.21

oe Saldana takes a sip of rosé from a white-china cup and looks out towards the mellowing LA skyline. We’ve been together since 9am this morning and choosing to drink wine out of a coffee cup is probably the least surprising thing about the actress.

On set, shortly after she decamped into the make-up chair, a small shoal of children arrived with a rugged, handsome, long-haired Italian man and a smiling older couple in tow. This was Saldana’s family – her three sons, Cy, Bowie, and Zen, her husband, Marco, and his parents. The children did what children do – ran about, shrieked, but also snuck a look at mummy at work on set. Saldana explains that it’s important they see she is happy at work – that’s one of the reasons she tries to bring them to everything she does. Marco, meanwhile, is a quieter, steady presence, always watching. Watching and smiling, like the most handsome pirate on earth. Saldana, 39, made the decision last year that her family should join her at work wherever possible. She’d had a crazy few years of it, what with filming Avengers: Infinity War (out this month), Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2, and starting work on the long-awaited Avatar 2. And then

there were the promotional tours for the franchises, moving house and, you know… giving birth to Zen. “It [2017] was my most hectic year,” she smiles. “A lot happened in our lives. I was dividing my time between my family life, personal life and also two of my movies, which were shooting in different locations – Atlanta and Los Angeles. It became very stressful. I realised that life needs to be more balanced. Not only was it affecting me, but it was affecting my children and husband.” Twins Cy and Bowie are three, and Zen is now one. “A lot of decisions were made for the betterment of our health.” Saldana and Marco married in 2013, with her artist husband famously taking the actress’s name, to become Marco PeregoSaldana. She says he is her greatest confidante, and that it is he she turned to while trying to process

everything going on in Hollywood in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein harrassment scandal and subsequent #MeToo and Time’s Up movements, of which she is very much a part. “My husband has been an inspiration in this whole thing,” she says.“The conversations we’ve been having, safely and intimately, have been evolving. And it’s been very rewarding. He is a part of the #MeToo group.” She adds, “We have to broaden the narrative of #MeToo. The same way it applies to victims, it should apply to men who were blind who have now seen. If there is one thing I have to advise, it’s to be kind to the men who are making an effort and don’t put them all in one box. Let’s not do to others what has been done to us. If we know how bad it’s felt for so long, then we know what not to do and how not to teach.” It’s easy to forget up here in the calm of the Hollywood Hills, amid the swaying palms and multi-million-dollar mansions, that Hollywood is burning up, vaporised from the inside out by one of the biggest revolutions to have ever hit the industry. But when you are living and breathing it every day, like Saldana, it can never be far from your mind. “I get choked up,” i

“I realised that life needs to be more balanced”

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she says, her eyes widening. When she tries to speak again her voice is hoarse, constricted by palpable emotion, something I’ll see time and again throughout our interview. “Never in my life would I have dreamed what happened last year. We were all reaching out to each other, as women, providing care for each other.” She pauses. “I never experienced that when I arrived in Hollywood 20 years ago.” Saldana moved here aged 19 and, soon after, was cast as a ballet dancer in her debut film, Center Stage. She had been signed to a talent agency after they spotted her in a New York Youth Theatre production of Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Although she was born in New Jersey, she moved to the Dominican Republic aged nine with her Puerto-Rican mother and two sisters, Mariel and Cisely, after her father, who was Dominican, tragically died in a car crash. Later, they moved to New York. Growing up, her role model was Alien’s Ellen Ripley. “She was everything,” she says. “It was all I wanted to watch. It wasn’t easy for me to look at princess movies – I always wanted to be the warrior, or the ninja.” As a child, Saldana describes herself as “insecure, vulnerable, confident… but also a loner. I was picked on by other girls. I always felt I was the luckiest girl because my best friends were my sisters, but they have said, ‘It must have been painful for you as you cried a lot.’” Arriving in Hollywood for the first time was “fun”, she smiles. “It was great. You arrive here and you’re just as innocent and impervious to good [as you are to] bad things. You learn as you grow – what to do, who you should not ever work with again…” She laughs. “And who you should have been more thankful to.” Small film roles came early on in Crossroads with Britney Spears and

Get Over It with Kirsten Dunst. But it didn’t take long for Saldana to realise that being a woman in the film industry came with its issues. “You cry [now], because you didn’t know how hard you had it,” she says. “Now I see it differently. We were all suffering quietly... The high road for a woman for centuries was silence. You kind of go, ‘F*ck!’ The new high road is speaking up. I don’t want to go back to feeling minimised and like I’m lucky to be here. It was unfair and uneven… from how you built the part to why you were cast…” Her voice breaks. “To how you are dressed. And that one scene where you have to be in your underwear and why you have to have this sex scene that feels gratuitous. Or when you arrive on set and see your male director and male co-star having a collaborative discussion about a scene that involves you and you’re not a part of it because you’re the serviceable character. And how hurt you then feel in your trailer. I don’t want to go back to that. You feel stupid. I don’t want to hear another man tell me, ‘Oh, you were my muse’. I don’t want to f*cking be your muse any more. I don’t want you to just post me on your wall and look at me. I want you to listen to me!” Saldana’s first big film role came in the form of pirate Anamaria, in 2003’s Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl. It was a learning curve. “I was very young – it was my first massive production of a movie. I was dealing with a lot of people who were great and a lot of people who were not so great. I left that experience feeling a little bitter,” she says. “It was super-elitest. My time is everything to me. And when I don’t spend it wisely I am unhappy. So if I’m like, ‘I could have been with my family, in school learning, or travelling, and instead I’m here being

“I don’t want you to just post me on your wall”

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treated like an extra, but in a very despicable way by people who don’t even speak properly…’ my time is being wasted. A lot of that has to do with your personal insecurities, too, though, and your inflated ego. So I was immature also.” Still, that experience almost led to her quitting the industry. And it was only her next job, a Steven Spielberg production alongside Tom Hanks, that stopped her. “I booked [my role in] The Terminal right after, so I got to work with an amazing director who is known for being humble and a mentor,” she says. How did she get her passion back? “By speaking up. I shared [my experience] with him, and he said, ‘That’s very unfortunate you went through that. But keep doing this. You’re really good at it. There are good people out there.’ “He would invite me to sit with him on set – there would be a chair right next to his. It made my heart ache with happiness because he remembered that I’d been made to feel so irrelevant before and he went out of his way to make me feel the exact opposite.” Shortly after, Saldana made her name as warrior Neytiri in James Cameron’s epic Avatar in 2009. Until December (when Star Wars: The Force Awakens overtook), it was still the highest-grossing film in US history, having pulled in a lifetime gross of £542million. She’s in the middle of filming the long-awaited second instalment now, in cinemas in 2020. But two years ago, trouble brewed again... this time for very different reasons, when Saldana took the eponymous role in the biopic of singer and civil rights activist Nina Simone. Social media, as well as certain factions of the press, were incensed that she had had to wear dark make-up to play the part, because her skin was too light. At the time, she tweeted a Nina Simone quote, ‘“I’ll tell you what i

DRESS, PHILOSOPHY DI LORENZO SERAFINI

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freedom is to me – no fear. I mean, really no fear,” #NinaSimone.’ Simone’s estate responded by tweeting, ‘Cool story but please take Nina’s name out your mouth. For the rest of your life.’ Today, Saldana is reflective about the whole situation. “There’s a personal feeling because I’m a human being. I had my reactions to that, but there is also an acknowledgement that it’s a systemic issue and I’m just a fragment in it. Listening was the only answer at that time. Not to the hate, but to the facts, and the issues. I learned a lot, but I have no regrets about why I decided to do it. I just wanted her story to be told. Nobody else was willing to do it,” she says. This is not the first time Saldana’s ethnicity has caused her grief. As well as everything that comes with being a woman in Hollywood, she has found herself, at times, “dealing with race on top of that”. She reveals, “That was quite difficult because it was hurtful. It has always been hurtful. I’ve always known it’s wrong.” Frustrated by her own experiences, in 2013, Saldana co-founded production company Cinestar Pictures with her sisters, aiming to create content that reflected them, as women. Then, in February this year, she and her husband launched BESE, a digital media company that focuses on empowering Latinos. Does she feel she has had to work harder because of her skin colour? “I’m not going to sugar-coat it for you,” she smiles, sadly. “Ask any artist of colour if they feel like they have to work harder. I don’t mean that we deserve any special treatment – I don’t want anybody’s sympathy. But I do encourage empathy because you do have to work twice as hard to make someone in a position of power who has the power to f*ck with your life and your dreams see why they should hire you, and why you are the right person for the role.” “We are yet to have an Asian superhero. And I’m waiting for that.

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It’s time.‘Time’s Up’!” What’s the answer? “Standing up and speaking with love and respect whenever you feel you’ve been treated unfairly.” This month, Saldana reprises her role as green anti-heroine Gamora in Avengers: Infinity War. “Maybe I chose to live in space for many [of my] roles, because in space I wasn’t just someone’s

“Art should be depicting women more accurately”

other,” she muses. “I was my own person. I think art should really start depicting women more accurately.” With that, it’s time for us to go. The sky has blackened around us and the temperature dipped. She grabs her blazer and pulls it tight around her body as she makes her way to the purring car in the driveway. She envelopes me in the sort of hug an old friend would pull you into. And then, just like that, she’s gone. Back home to her babies. To her husband. To saving the world. Whether that is on-screen or in her own universe. ◆ Avengers: Infinity War, in cinemas 26th April

Zoe Saldana

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2020: Neytiri, Avatar 2 “It’s wonderful to be back filming. Kate Winslet has joined our cast, and we just had our first full rehearsal, which involved tapping her into all of the emotional beats that her character needs to have in relation to ours.” 2018: Gamora, Avengers: Infinity War “A lot of the women from the Marvel universe are involved in the Time’s Up movement. We all reached out at the time and encouraged each other to send emails and make phone calls to bosses and producers. And we did – and they replied. It was inspiring.” 2018: Launches BESE “Latinos are expected to comprise 30% of the US working population by 2060. BESE is an acknowledgement of where we’re headed.”

2013: 201 3: Uh Uhura, Star Trek Into Darkness 2011: Dir irect ectss shor shortt d drama, Kaylien, starring Bradley Coop ooper er 2009: Neytiri, Avatar “II played this warrior, which was am mazing, as the female icons I’d adm mired grow rowing ing up were created by Jamess Cameron – Alien’s Ellen Ripley and Th he Terminator’s r Sarah Connor.” 2009: Uhura, Star Trek “I’m part off a series that has made history. It bro ough ghtt peop people le together th 50 en it was unimaginable. years ago whe e African-American Uhura gave the it needed; community the aspirations a ence in high ranks.” it gave them prese 2007: Kat, After Sex x 2004: Andrea, Haven

2017: Gamora, Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 2016: Lieutenant Uhura, Star Trek Beyond 2016: Nina Simone, Nina 2014: Gamora, Guardians Of The Galaxy “I don’t see Gamora as tough, [I] just [see] how broken she is and that’s what makes me like her. The fact that she can kick ass and defend herself makes her a complete woman.” 2013: Co-founds Cinestar Pictures production company with sisters “My sisters and I have never felt bad about what we look like. We are American. Cinestar, and the content we create, is for that and about that.”

2004: Dolores Torres, The e Terminal “[Working with] Steven Spie elberg reminded me that I mattered. d I have had all these mentors in my life fe: my mum, my ballet teacher, Steven, James Cameron. Whenever my sp pirit was broken, they’d restore my faith h in people and what I was doing.” 2002: Kit, Crossroads 2001: Maggie, Get Over It 2000: Eva, Center Stage 1999: Belinca, Law & Order 1995: Burger King, server “I was 17 and making my own money. I had a blast! It was empowering.”

E D U C AT I O N Newtown High School, New York “Growing up, I was pretty wholesome. I was a little bit of everything – brave, a coward, insecure, scared but also very confident.” ECOS Espacio de Danza Dance Academy, Dominican Republic

SUICIDE Suzie* is a 17-year-old schoolgirl. She struggles with making friends and seeks solace in chatrooms in her bedroom

Suzie is actually Danny, a 24-year-old reporter for Cosmopolitan on the hunt for online predators

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BY SOCIAL MEDIA Matthew* is a 33-year-old office worker. He is lonely and seeks friendship with young women on the internet

Matthew is also an ¶DGPLQLVWUDWRU·IRU Blue Whale, a suicide cult that lures young women to their deaths

For six weeks, Daniella Scott was groomed by an online figure who convinced her he was her best friend – until he asked her to commit the unspeakable. What happened over the next few weeks is one of the most shocking stories you will read all year i Photog raphs S A R A H B R O W N

aring back kind and is face is dark hair, ree-day d a pair of tal-rimmed e’ve been n-stop for this is the I’ve seen his ace of the confided y darkest, onal “I care ,” he tells always here e says he best for me, that I can trust him to look after me and, most importantly, that he is the person who is going to guide me through a series of tasks, culminating in my suicide in 50 days’ time. This is what ‘best friends’ do, he tells me. Last year, a Russian man named Philipp Budeikin was jailed for inciting two young girls to attempt suicide, through an online socialmedia game he claimed to have invented, called ‘Blue Whale’. Budeikin had never met these girls or spoken with them face-to-face. Instead, he’d infiltrated their lives through their social media, putting himself astride every update: wherever they went, he was in their pockets; whoever they were with and whatever they were doing, he was an inescapable factor in their lives. Over the course of 50 days, he controlled and manipulated each of them into performing a number of tasks involving everything from humiliation to self-harm and, eventually, in order to ‘win the game’, they had to kill themselves. He received a three-year sentence. The girl at the centre of his trial had lived, and could testify as to his involvement, but Budeikin has claimed to be behind the deaths of

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Danny used filters to make her photos look younger

17 girls, and it was reported that the game he created was responsible for more than 130 suicides. Budeikin’s case brought to light the myriad others that go on every day. A quick Google search will tell you that being encouraged to kill yourself by a faceless manipulator online is not rare. Anecdotally, we know Budeikin was not the only predator of that type. But just how widespread is the problem? Weeks later, I set up a fake profile to find out. I create the profile with ease, years of watching Catfish: The TV Show have taught me what to do: it’s all

about building a picture. In reality, I’m 24, have a full-time job and a tightknit group of family and friends. But I become a fragile 17-year-old girl with a turbulent family life, an embittered relationship with my mother, no friends and an obsessive nature. I am resentful of others for not sharing my loneliness, and I am average-looking, with a less-than-impressive academic record. I am entirely ordinary, yet wholly isolated. I use an avatar of a cartoon crying girl as my display picture, and write in my bio that I am looking for a safe space to talk about being

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Text messages exchanged by Danny and Matthew

depressed away from the prying eyes of the mother I hate so much. I set up profiles on several social-media and blogging sites with subtle links connecting them to create a picture of a genuine identity. Slowly, this persona becomes part of my reality. In Budeikin’s testimony, he described how he would attract children with “depressive content” before singling out those he thought were vulnerable. With this in mind, I embark on

getting myself noticed. I begin to join groups, follow threads, request access to blogs and sign up to message boards. Then I post, comment and repost frantically, ensuring I always leave a breadcrumb trail of loneliness and isolation, concerned that it would take a lot to stand out from the crowd. Within 10 minutes I am inundated. I have messages and friend requests from all over the world, mainly from men, and all with pictures of idyllic

“Don’t cut anywhere that’d ruin your beauty”

family lives, and comments about their ordinary jobs. They ask me everything from ‘Why are you unhappy?’ to ‘Have you ever cut?’ The messages keep rolling in. One man asks about self-harm: was it something I did? How often? And when was the last time? Before telling me, ‘If you were really brave, you’d make sure you didn’t survive.’ A ‘19’-year-old boy is keen to tell me how to cut myself in a way that would prevent my family from noticing, but, ‘You should never cut anywhere that might destroy your beauty.’ Over the course of the next two weeks, the messages not only increase, but become more and more gruesome. Multiple people across several platforms message me every day. It was relentless and inescapable: if I do not respond to them immediately, I’m inundated with a deluge of fraught messages asking why I’m ignoring them. Am I angry with them? Do I not want to be friends? More distressing than the volume and frequency of contact is the content. Each person would fixate on a particular aspect of my suicide, from the one who harangued me to use a certain method because ‘we’ wouldn’t want it to be ‘too messy or ineffective’, and then sent me links to products and shops where I could buy the required tools, to the person who emailed me regular suggestions on my suicide note. Another sent me information on how to illegally acquire a particular sedative that is lethal in large doses. I had emails about suicide pacts from men almost three times my age, and one person sent me a video with instructions demonstrating how to tie a noose and test tree branches to ensure they could hold my weight. I felt claustrophobic. I was not permitted to take a break, ignore their messages or change my mind. They would be back to check on my progress. And then, one Tuesday, when the chatter is at its loudest and the torrent i C O S M O P O L I TA N ·

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of demands at its most tormenting, one voice cut through the noise: ‘Do you want to play?’ He tells me he’s an administrator for ‘Blue Whale’, the game Budeikin claimed to have set up and was imprisoned for. He tells me that he can guide me through it, that he will set me challenges and if I put my trust in him, we can get me to my suicide together. The way he writes is gentle, his manner so much less aggressive than the others who have harassed me in recent weeks. His display picture is a teddy bear. ‘There are a lot of tasks. Including hurting yourself. Obeying me. Nudity. Et cetera. You must be ready to do all I say,’ he says. He explains that I would have to do a task a day and that I was his ‘whale’ now. He even had a method picked out for me because he liked ‘a clean death’. This was all to be ‘our secret’. The first task required me to carve writing into my arm using either a knife or a pen, then send him pictures. The next day, he told me to write the word ‘whale’ over my entire body, a method which is typically used on young girls to make them feel overweight and self-conscious (a different tactic apparently used on boys is to make them feel unpopular instead, by calling them ‘losers’). Again, he asks me to send photos. Next, he asks that I send him a video of my face as I say, “I am your whale.” This would be the first time he’d see my face. I lock myself in the toilets at work and mumble the words into my phone camera. My stomach drops and my mouth goes dry as I watch the blue send-bar spread across the top of the screen. He would now have that video forever. I feel owned.

“There are a lot of tasks. You must do all I say”

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Over the next week, he bombards me with messages, darting between inappropriate, twisted praise about my appearance and suicidal encouragement. We speak all day, every day. I am supposed to be completing a new task each evening, but I am stalling, taking two weeks to do three tasks. Every time I complete one he

simply says ‘fine’, or ‘OK’, and moves on to the next. He tells me he is mentoring another girl and I feel oddly jealous and competitive. Slowly, he drip-feeds me information about himself. He tells me he is 33 years old and works in an office. He said he was lonely, just like me, that he had loved someone who didn’t love him back

and he had suffered because of her. ‘You are similar to me,’ he says. ‘I like you.’ But I realise that I can’t trust anything he tells me, from the story of the girl who had already killed herself through Blue Whale under his instruction, to the fact that he sleeps with a teddy bear. Another of our secrets. Some weeks later, I ask to video-chat, and, to my surprise, he agrees. And so, hidden away in the first-aid room in my office building, with my heart thumping and an oversized grey hoodie pulled halfway down my head in my best attempt to look teenage, I hit ‘call’. There is a flash of a bearded face, then the picture goes black, like someone has turned the lights off. I wave, say hello, and do my best to look confused at the ‘technical fault’, pretending I don’t know he is there, hiding, staring at me in the dark. A few seconds later, the face reappears, the mic he told me had broken is miraculously fixed and I am greeted by bright white teeth, a warm smile, and those kind eyes. I finally see him: Matthew.* “It is really nice to see you,” he says. His voice is deep and silky and he speaks with a rich French accent which, despite myself, I find attractive. It was the face of a normal guy, the kind of person I would have passed in the street, sat next to on the bus or held the door for in a shop and never thought twice about. There was nothing about him that would mark him out from the crowd. We speak for what feels like an hour, but turned out to be only 10 minutes. He

seems awkward and a little distracted. I tell him I am struggling and afraid of some of the tasks. He repeats lines of reassurance, but he is cold as he speaks, appearing to spit out the phrases, as though he has learned them by rote. His eyes rove around the room behind his phone. Why does he care about me? I ask. “I am a naturally caring person,” he replies. It is only when we speak about the tasks that he seems focused and comfortable. As has become a theme, he is punitive: saying that as I have not done enough tasks in the past two weeks, I must do several in one day, “to make up for lost time”. He asks me to do everything from shaving my whole body to be smooth “like the whale”, and sending him a video of it, to holding my head under my bath water until I cannot hold it any longer, and even to start finding tall buildings, or railway tracks that I could throw myself onto. He says this as casually as if he were reading out a to-do list. At this point, I decide not to take it any further. I need a break, and I’m concerned how little I want to take one. I wake up the following day, ready to carry on with my life as normal. But as soon as I sit down at my desk, I check to see if he has messaged, relieved that he has. I don’t reply, but almost every day for weeks, I check to make sure he is still there. I go out with friends and have dinner with my boyfriend, acutely aware that something is missing. I decide not to speak about him for a day, and I notice I have much less to say. He is on my mind much more than I am comfortable with. Something has happened that I did not intend. I grew up on the internet, as many of my generation did. As a teenager, my parents worried about how dangerous it was, but I maintained that I could work out what was safe and what wasn’t. I came into this

wholly believing that I would be able to differentiate between lies and truth, that the man who stole my attention would only get to me in the ways that I would let him. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I’m still realising the ways in which he got under my skin. There are so many lies I didn’t notice and endless tactics that worked on me without me knowing. However, I’d still struggle to say I dislike him. And that’s how I know this has to end. Over the next few weeks, I start to feel more separated from him. I stop checking the accounts, wondering what he’s doing, and eventually forget the sound of his voice. And then he comes back into my life. He texts a phone I’d used to video-chat with him, which he believes belongs to my mother. He asks where I am, saying that we were friends and I had confided in him. Acting as my mum, a colleague tells him that I’ve tried to hurt myself and am in hospital. There’s a pause; he’s online but saying nothing. I wait in silence, aware of the shallowness of my breath in my chest, and the impatient ticking of the clock next to me. Surely now he will be remorseful? Or at the very least, say nothing and disappear into the quiet of his shame at the pain he has caused. His response? ‘She had been having bad thoughts, I had been trying to help her get better.’ ◆

“He tells me to start finding tall buildings…”

SANE aims to improve the quality of life for anyone affected by mental illness. Call 0300 304 7000 or visit Sane.org.uk. Cosmopolitan has reported this issue to the Metropolitan Police BEHIND THE SCENES

Daniella Scott “Early on, one of the tasks Matthew asked me to do was carve writing into my arm. The picture I sent him was actually of some very convincing stage make-up using fake blood on a colleague’s arm. It was scarily realistic.”

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HAIR AND MAKE-UP JOLANDA COETZER AT LHA REPRESENTS, USING URBAN DECAY AND PAUL MITCHELL. SET DESIGN NICOLE HOLCROFT-EMMESS. POSED BY MODEL NIKKI FIDDES. *NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED. MADISON OFFICE DESK AVAILABLE IN BLACK AND WHITE, £547; STRAIGHT BACK GLOSS HOME OFFICE CHAIR IN WHITE, £99, BOTH DWELL.CO.UK

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Canthiswoman’s style make her

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Every season, the sartorially minded masses descend on London Fashion Week. But what does it take to get ‘papped’ like the style elite? AMY GRIER went to great lengths to find out i BY OWN

I am at London Fashion Week (LFW to those in the business) – the cavalcade of shows and parties that descend on the capital twice a year. The multi-day event sees journalists, models, photographers and a lot of B-list celebrities running between its three main central-London locations. Once upon a time, all the action at LFW (and its sister locations, New York, Paris and Milan) happened inside. Nameless fashion insiders would turn up, dressed almost exclusively in headto-toe black, before slinking into the show with their notepads and pens. But not any more. Because around 2007, something happened. And that something was ‘street style’. Its leading proponent was a small, serious fatherof-one, Scott Schuman (AKA The Sartorialist), who chose to photograph the outfits worn outside the shows rather than those on the catwalks. His images made fashion a democracy – anyone could be famous for having good taste and a keen eye. His subjects were fashion editors, models and the occasional immaculately put-together mere mortal. But by 2013 things had changed. A growing troop of street photographers wanted more than

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fashion editors in cashmere camel coats stalking the Corso Como. They wanted dazzle, flamboyance and pictures that would go viral. And fashion bloggers were the people to give it to them. You will have seen these people plastered across Instagram: they have identical poses, wear hats shaped like lobster cages, and appear to have no other job than to stand outside shows wearing said hats in the name of Fash.On. It is this side of the fashion industry I have never quite understood. As a bookish 32-year-old with a mortgage, a crumpet addiction and a growing collection of M&S footwear (don’t knock it till you’ve tried it), I could never comprehend why someone wearing a cape made of curtain tassels deserved a bank of fawning paparazzi. To the untrained eye, the dizzying and evermore extreme street-style images on my Insta feed kinda look like anyone could create them. Which is how I find myself on the first day of LFW, in a yellow fur coat, fishnets, satin dress and builder’s hat.

My plan started three weeks earlier. Rumour has it, some bloggers spend up to six months planning their looks, often changing five times a day. To do the same, I enlist the help of a stylist to try and channel the season’s key trends. I also look to some of street style’s major players for inspiration – from fashion director Sarah Harris to street-style icon Pandemonia, a 7ft-tall walking/talking latex doll. As all the fashion shows require a ticket and I, alas, do not have any, my plan is to loiter outside the main show spaces. Some streetstyle photographers tell me that half the people they photograph never go in, and that most hire their own photographers, too. To this end, I find a seasoned

“‘Is she a blogger?’ I hear one person say”

LOOK ONE: COAT, MANGO. JACKET, INTHESTYLE.COM. T-SHIRT, ESSENTIEL ANTWERP. SOCKS, BECKSONDERGAARD. LOOK TWO: COAT, AMO COUTURE. TRACKSUIT, VINTAGE KAPPA FROM BEYOND RETRO. EARRINGS, PRIMARK. BAG, ESSENTIEL ANTWERP. BOOTS, PRETTYLITTLETHING

couple to my right are pretending they have just met. I have been watching them stage this ‘Oh hi!’ kiss for around seven minutes. He wears black chaps, cowboy boots, a fringed jacket and what must be the world’s hottest trousers (black leather, as narrow as a garden hosepipe). She is resplendent in a fascinator, a sparkly rainbowhued twinset and a pleated skirt that catches the light with every gesture of faux surprise. Each time they embrace, flashbulbs go off, as nine or so paparazzi capture this moment of disingenuous emotion that will later, when the pictures appear on blogs and news sites, no doubt look like a candid capturing of two old friends.

Bringing your own prop bus is costly but effective

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LOOK THREE: COAT AND SUNGLASSES, PRETTYLITTLETHING. CATSUIT, BEYOND RETRO. BERET, FRENCH CONNECTION. BAG AND SOCKS, BECKSONDERGAARD. SLIDERS, BOOHOO. OTHER CLOTHES, AMY’S OWN

LOOK ONE

Fashion Week photographer on Instagram and hire her to follow me around. We will pretend not to know each other outside the shows, I tell her. However I expect her to start furiously snapping whenever I walk past. After weeks of research, I realise the biggest street-style influencers have five main poses I need to master. They are the ‘Abbey Road’ (walking astronaut-slow across a zebra crossing); the ‘Where Are My Keys?’ (looking down and fumbling with your handbag); the ‘Baywatch’ (a slowmotion run that, when photographed, looks like a very modish walk); the ‘Tap Dancer’ (static pose, one foot turned out, head looking to the side, body to the front); and the crucial ‘Someone’s Calling Me’ (pretending to be on the phone to a VIFP – Very Important Fashion Person).

My first look is the ‘control test’. It’s how I would dress if I was styled by a professional every day. I’m in denim, flats, a bit of sharp tailoring, and holld an oversized clutch bag under my right arm. I walk purposefully towards the braying pack of photographers. As I step off the kerb and into the road, the first snap happens. Emboldened, I slow down, pretending to be on my phone as I’ve rehearsed, to allow them to get those all-important movement shots.“Hi, are you there? I’m here,” I say repeatedly into the receiver, speaking to no one. “Oi! Can I take your picture?” yells one man. I stop, and turn to one side, then the other, before looking coyly down at my bag. A few others follow his lead before the snappers suddenly start to disperse. I see why. They have turned, like a swarm of bees, to a woman wearing a black cape and one red embroidered elbow-length glove. She poses with her arm in the air as if about to pull an imaginary rabbit from the clouds. I skulk away.

LOOK TWO My second look can only be described as leisurecentre chic. A vintage shell suit, white stiletto oots and a plush faux-fur. bo my mum in 1985 and If m Cent circa 2003 had 50 C d a style baby, it would had have llooked h k d exactly like this. I retrace my steps from earlier, walking the catwalk-esque stretch of pavement towards the main LFW space on the Strand. The response is immediate. As I strut across a zebra crossing, a handful of paparazzi start snapping away.

“Is she a blogger?” I overhear one of them say. Dozens more photographers cluster around me. Two tourists ask for selfies. I go through my rotation of poses: looking up, looking down, draping my jacket over one shoulder, fiddling with my bag, talking on the phone. Dying inside… As the initial flurry of attention calms down, my own photographer taps me on the shoulder.“Excuse me, is it OK if I take your picture?” she says. We pretend that we are strangers and it works. A few more photographers follow her lead and then disappear, as a blogger wearing a jewelled mini-dress with what looks like an iron-on rainbow swimming badge on the front emerges from a LFW-branded Jeep.

LOOK THREE Keen to capitalise on my newfound success, I change location, to the Fashion Scout space up the road. Here, the crowds are smaller but more serious, wackier yet somehow more discerning. I change outfits again, this time into a long dusky-pink puffa coat (channelling Moncler’s designer quilting), a velvet leopardprint long-sleeved catsuit, fluffy sliders, and a red beret. It is millennial Che Guevara meets Bet Lynch. I cross the road. Photographers turn, look me up and down, and turn back. Nothing. Street-style photographers prowl the line of people queuing for the upcoming show. I join the back and watch as they snap. The girl in front of me is wearing a white judo-suit-cum-straitjacket outfit, with red-tinted sunglasses and a fluffy clutch bag. She is photographed by everyone who walks past. Me? No one so much as bats a shutter. I need to step it up. i C O S M O P O L I TA N ·

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LOOK FIVE

LOOK SIX Undeterred, I have one final trick up my sleeve. Colour worked once before, maybe it would work again? I emerge from a café toilet in a bubblegum-pink hippo onesie. If Anna Dello Russo could rock a watermelon hat, then I can take LFW dressed as George from ’80s children’s TV show Rainbow. I step out. People snigger behind their phones. Valiantly, I pose again. Crowds get out of my way, but for the wrong reasons. Admiration has curdled into admonition. I am the LFW pariah. With the light fading, I head home to the safety of my regular wardrobe when I get a phone call. It is my picture director. “It worked! You’re all over the agencies!” she says. I open my email to find my own face staring back at me – in the hard hat and yellow coat – from every main photo agency in the country. I smile to myself. Then walk, astronaut-slow, over the zebra crossing doing my best ‘Abbey Road’. ◆ BEHIND THE SCENES

Amy Grier “As I was walking to the station after two days of shooting, someone behind me rustled a camera out of their bag. I listened to the click and flash, taking in the Piccadilly Circus lights, and the compulsion to stand, turn and pose was almost overwhelming. Maybe this street-style business is addictive after all.”

The dos and don’ts of getting papped DO Watch Baywatch That slow run they do? Ridiculous IRL, great for walking shots on camera.

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DON’T Wear your jacket Are you mad? Jackets aren’t made to be worn! Drape, shrug, dangle, place or belt.

DO Use landmarks Lamp posts, phone boxes and buses add context. Just mind the traffic, yeah?

DON’T Go emptyhanded Hands look awkward in shots, so carrying is a must.

HAIR AND MAKE-UP MAXINE SMITH AT LHA REPRESENTS. LOOK FOUR: COAT, AMO COUTURE. JACKET, H&M. DRESS, VERO MODA. HAT, TOOLSTATION.COM. EARRINGS, PRIMARK. BOOTS, BOOHOO. LOOK FIVE: COAT, ZARA. T-SHIRT, BOOHOO. LEGGINGS, PRETTYLITTLETHING. SHIRT (AROUND WAIST), MISSGUIDED. HAT, ESSENTIEL ANTWERP. BAG, BECKSONDERGAARD. DOG, BIGFATBALLOONS.CO.UK. LOOK SIX: JUMPSUIT, SMIFFYS.COM. NECKLACE, BOOHOO. OTHER CLOTHES, AMY’S OWN

“I love your jacket,” she purrs. “The colour really… pops.” Paparazzi circle around us like reef sharks. “I love After a quick change your dress,” I blurt. “Thanks, I made in a nearby café toilet, it myself. Shall we have a photo?” I emerge in a satin slip We turn and face our public. Now dress, fishnets, walking I know why fashion people wear boots, logoed sweatshirt, sunglasses. One rebel photographer yellow faux-fur coat and hard hat from Toolstation. follows me as I walk away. “Can I get you against this wall?” It’s an order, com. I am calling this rather than a question. “Are you look ‘Big Bird Meets Bob The Builder’. a blogger? What’s your name?” “Canary yellow is the shade this “@Geeee,” I mutter. season, and the colours “It’s spelled ‘at G, E’,” and printed sweatshirt aree Papped with Pandemonia I say to him, feigning very Rita Ora,” my stylist confidence and assured me when I tried wishing I’d thought this on, horrified, a few of something better. days before. And the hat? “How long have There was a long pause… you been a blogger?” “It’s your talking point.” “A year.” I head back to the “What did you main show area, now a do before?” throbbing hub of people On his command, I put on my hat. spilling out into the road. Someone “I was a workman. Obviously.” wheeling a rail of clothes out of a He doesn’t laugh. side door looks up at me and yells, “FINALLY! Some colour!” with a theatrical eye roll. I walk the same road as before, but this time I can’t I save my last two looks get across it. Photographers block ffor the penultimate day my path, snapping constantly. I surge of LFW, a rainy Monday. o on, but am stopped again. A dozen IIf I’ve learned anything, photographers surround me. “Put on iit’s that if you really your hat!” they shout. I pull it down want attention, your outfit w to hide my giggles, and mortification. ds a) texture, and b) need “Show us the Pepsi logo! Show it to ps. On go PVC leggings, prop us!” I ignore them. A true influencer biker boots, a clear plastic raincoat, changes her styling for no one. and a cuddly toy dog. I was at once I whip around, preparing to take entirely waterproof, and yet distinctly yet another fictional phone call, flammable. A dribble of photographers and bump into none other than turn to look as I walk. I get nothing. Pandemonia, who stares at me.

LOOK FOUR

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It’s back, Cosmopolitan and Tinder’s algorithmically proven Hot List...

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MOST RIGHT SWIPED How long does it take to make a first impression? Pop science tells us seven seconds, psychologists say a tenth of a second. However, any seasoned single person knows that in the dog-eat-dog world of digital dating, you have nanoseconds to catch the eye (and halt the thumb) of future suitors swiping left or right on your romantic fate. And no one knows that better than the elite class of daters whose profiles are the country’s most right-swiped. Last year, Tinder hooked Cosmopolitan up with exclusive access to the lives and profiles of the app’s 10 most-fancied UK users. Now, once again, we’ve got the lowdown from their most successful daters – but we’re booting things up a notch. Meet Tinder’s top 30, as this year’s super-swipers lift the lid on the details of their overflowing inboxes i Wo r d s K A T E P A S O L A

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Photog raphs A N T O N I O P E T R O N Z I O Jamie

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IMMY

26, BRADFORD, COMPLIANCE WORKER What’s your Tinder bio? My name and my location. Opening line? ‘Hello :)’ It’s worked out so far. Best date you’ve had? At Go

Ape, on a whim. It was different, and sometimes one-to-one can be a bit intense. What makes you swipe right? Nice hair, that’s always a bonus. What makes you swipe left? If they come across as judgemental in their bio.

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33, LONDON, CABIN-CREW MANAGER What’s your Tinder bio? ‘I like it simple and honest. Chemistry is all that matters. Terms and conditions apply.’ Opening line? ‘How’ve you been?’ Best date you’ve had?

I matched with someone who lives in Panama, but we didn’t manage to meet. We kept in touch and ended up going on a date in London six weeks later. What makes you swipe right? A genuine look. What makes you swipe left? When all the pictures are selfies.

DAVID WEARS: JACKET AND JEANS, BOTH H&M. TOP, NEW LOOK. SHOES, RIVER ISLAND. VITALJUS WEARS: JACKET, ZARA. TOP, JEANS AND SHOES, VITALJUS’S OWN. IMMY WEARS: TOP, LEVI’S. TROUSERS, PRETTYLITTLETHING. SHOES, TOPSHOP. ROBYN WEARS: JACKET, ZARA. TOP, MATALAN. BRALETTE, NEW LOOK. SHOES AND JEANS, ROBYN'S OWN. AMY WEARS: DRESS, DIESEL. SHOES, MISS SELFRIDGE. VINCENT WEARS: TOP AND JEANS, BOTH ASOS.COM. SHOES, MAISON KITSUNE

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Best date you’ve had? We played Topgolf. I couldn’t 18, SURREY, STUDENT do it, so we just had a laugh. What’s your Tinder bio? What makes you swipe ‘Happy chap.’ right? If they’re goodOpening line? ‘Hola!’ Often looking! they’ll be like, ‘Oh, are you What makes you swipe left? Spanish?’ and I’m like, ‘No…’ A crude bio. Or if all their It’s worked every time. photos are group ones.

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AMY ➤ 24, LONDON, MARKETING ASSISTANT What’s your Tinder bio? I don’t have one, but I’ve set my Spotify anthem [on Tinder] to Hall & Oates’ You Make My Dreams.

Opening line? I’m never the first to talk… that’s really bad! Best date you’ve had? At a bar, and then on to a cocktail bar. What makes you swipe right? Tall rugby players! What makes you swipe left? Something weird in their bio!

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ROBYN 22, DUNDEE, SALES ASSISTANT What’s your Tinder bio? ‘Stunner x.’ It’s a Dundee thing. Opening line? I always let them speak first because I think it’s more gentlemanly.

Best date you’ve had? At the cinema. It was just so comfortable and normal. What makes you swipe right? A tan and good teeth. What makes you swipe left? When you can’t tell who they are in a group picture.

23, BRISTOL, STUDENT What’s your Tinder bio? ‘London Boy.’ [He grew up there.] Opening line? ‘Tell me an interesting fact about yourself.’ Best date you’ve had? I’m not huge on the ‘let’s go for a drink’ thing. My perfect date would be Laser Quest! What makes you swipe right? I quite like it when people have done cool stuff. Anything that’s not just five selfies. What makes you swipe left? Snapchat filters. That’s off-putting. i

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Bunkers del Carmel, these civil war ruins that have the 31, LONDON, highest vantage point over OPERATIONS DIRECTOR Barcelona. The language What’s your Tinder bio? barrier was made easier by ‘Loves dogs, seeing how picturesque it all was. friends, travelling.’ What makes you swipe Opening line? If there’s right? When a profile seems something interesting like an honest reflection of in their pictures or bio, a person, not totally staged. I’ll ask about that. What makes you swipe Best date you’ve had? left? Snapchat filters. I went with a Spanish girl to Instant swipe left.

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Best date you’ve had? Probably when I was 25, LONDON, CORPORATE in Sydney using Tinder INVESTIGATOR internationally to meet new What’s your Tinder bio? people. I went to a bar with ‘Love the outdoors and my date, and then we met dogs. Value laughter, up a couple more times to a good Negroni and explore the city together. the simple things in life. What makes you swipe Ideally looking for someone right? Good pictures to build a fort with in the and taste in music. living room of a Sunday. What makes you swipe Let’s grab a drink?’ left? Obnoxious bios Opening line? ‘Is there making demands like a boyfriend I should be ‘If you’re not gym-fit, concerned about?’ don’t swipe right’.

20, LONDON, STUDENT What’s your Tinder bio? My Instagram, my height and my university. Opening line? A funny GIF. Best date you’ve had? The zoo. If you have a laugh, it’s not so pressurised. What makes you swipe right? Funny pictures. I have swiped right on people before simply because I haven’t been able to stop laughing at their profile. In a good way, of course! What makes you swipe left? People who seem arrogant.

JOHN WEARS: JACKET, PE NATION. TOP, NEW LOOK. JEANS, H&M. SHOES, JOHN’S OWN. BEX WEARS: JACKET, DIESEL. TOP, NEW LOOK. TROUSERS AND SHOES, BOTH TOPSHOP. CHRIS WEARS: JACKET, NEW LOOK. TOP AND SHOES, BOTH ADIDAS. JEANS, H&M. DAVID WEARS: JACKET, H&M. TOP, RIVER ISLAND. JEANS, NUDIE. SHOES, JONES BOOTMAKER. EMILY WEARS: TOP AND TROUSERS, BOTH NEW LOOK. SHOES, DUNE. PABLO WEARS: JACKET, REISS. TOP, ZARA. JEANS, H&M. SHOES, HUDSON BLACK

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Best date you’ve had? Talking for hours over the 21, YORK, RETAIL ASSISTANT dinner table in his kitchen What’s your Tinder bio? with a takeaway. What I studied at uni and What makes you swipe my Instagram. right? A really good smile. Opening line? I try to target What makes you swipe left? something in their pictures, Too many selfies and like an interest. body pictures.

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my wine preferences described perfectly to the sommelier. I’d 34, LONDON, have thought that behaviour on a HEAD OF TRADING SERVICES date was tacky, but I was surprised What’s your Tinder bio? by the knowledge behind it. It’s deliberately blank. What makes you swipe right? Opening line? ‘Where are you Someone who looks natural and from?’ Everybody’s up for whose photos were taken by others. answering that. What makes you swipe left? Best date you’ve had? Being taken When pictures seem to to a good restaurant and having include their exes. i

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DAVID

34, LONDON, REVENUE CONTROL TEAM LEADER What’s your Tinder bio? ‘Midlands boy, living in the big smoke.’ Opening line? Just the typical, ‘Hey, how are you?’ It tends to work.

Best date you’ve had? When we ended up doing shots with the barman in a tapas place! It all got a bit crazy. What makes you swipe right? Aesthetically, a great smile and eyes. What makes you swipe left? People in sunglasses. It’s like, ‘Hello, I can’t see your eyes!’

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29, LONDON, PRODUCTION MANAGER What’s your Tinder bio? ‘Tolerant of your beliefs, judgemental of your shoes.’ Opening line? They always talk to me first. Best date you’ve had? The one where just before

28, TIPPERARY, IRISH DANCER What’s your Tinder bio? ‘Southern-Irish guy. Dancer in Riverdance and have travelled the world touring. Now teach kids. Primary-school teaching degree with German. Model. Love all sports; athletics, football, tennis. Animal lover – especially dogs!’

Opening line? I usually chat about something in their bio. Best date you’ve had? A second date. We walked on Brighton pier at sunset. I was due to fly out that night, but changed it last-minute. What makes you swipe right? Someone who’s physically active. What makes you swipe left? Cockiness.

the date came to an end, he asked me what other skills I was hiding. I told him that I could sing, so he called his friends and we went to a karaoke bar until 4am. What makes you swipe right? Their eyes and their smile. What makes you swipe left? Square-toed shoes.

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Best date you’ve had? Watching Sunset Boulevard. 23, NOTTINGHAM, STUDENT We had orchestra seats and What’s your Tinder bio? it was amazing because ‘Down-to-earth guy looking I’d never done anything for mates and dates. Love like that before. to travel and any excuse to What makes you swipe right? see the world and explore Career-minded people. I’m new places.’ a sucker for a suit. Opening line? ‘Hey, how’s you?’ What makes you swipe left? Straight to the point. Snapchat filters or no bio.

BRIAN WEARS: JACKET, H&M. TOP AND SHOES, BOTH ZARA. JEANS, RIVER ISLAND. DANNY WEARS: JACKET, REISS. TOP, NEW LOOK. JEANS, ZARA. SHOES, TOPMAN. JAMIE WEARS: DRESS, H&M X BALMAIN. SHOES, JAMIE’S OWN. LAUREN WEARS: JACKET AND JEANS, BOTH JOE’S JEANS. TOP AND SHOES, BOTH TOPSHOP. JEWELLERY, LAUREN’S OWN. PETER WEARS: JACKET, LEVI’S. TOP, WAVEN. JEANS, TOPMAN. SHOES, TIMBERLAND. CHARLOTTE WEARS: DRESS, ASOS.COM. SHOES, OFFICE

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24, MANCHESTER, POSTGRADUATE STUDENT What’s your Tinder bio? ‘Irish citizen with a British accent. If you need an EU passport without arousing the suspicions of your Brexit family, I’m your man. Dog ownership a plus. References available upon request.’

Opening line? I personalise it each time. Best date you’ve had? We went into Primark with 10 minutes and £15 to buy each other an outfit, and did a mini-golf course dressed up. What makes you swipe right? If they seem to have a life outside of social media. What makes you swipe left? Exclusively group photos.

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32, LONDON, SOCIAL MEDIA CONSULTANT What’s your Tinder bio? ‘5’2. Born and raised Londoner. You’ll do.’ Opening line? ‘Now, then…’ or ‘You’ll do.’ If they respond, I’ll ask about their favourite crisps.

Best date you’ve had? I really love dinosaurs – Jurassic Park is one of my favourite films – so he took me to the Natural History Museum. What makes you swipe right? Dark hair, light eyes, a bit of stubble and a cheeky smile. What makes you swipe left? Pouty and posy selfies.

21, LONDON, PR ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE What’s your Tinder bio? ‘I’m a shortie. I hate people who step on escalators slowly. I love the sea.’ Opening line? ‘But do you have a puppy?’ Best date you’ve had? We went to a racing track. It was so cool. You can’t not have fun. What makes you swipe right? Somebody who looks like they have a fun life. What makes you swipe left? Generic selfies, topless photos, overly white teeth. i

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24, LONDON, BRAND PARTNERSHIP MANAGER What’s your Tinder bio? ‘Ideally, I’m looking for dark hair, a red jumper and quite a large face.’ It’s a quote from Nighty Night. Opening line? I don’t often open the conversation.

Best date you’ve had? Mini-golf. We sacked the game off halfway round the course because we were just getting on so well. What makes you swipe right? Images of dogs go down a treat. What makes you swipe left? Overly posed photos – they’re a bit of a mood-killer.

28, LONDON, BUSINESS CONSULTANT What’s your Tinder bio? ‘Live and work in London.’ Opening line? I tend to wait for people to message me. Best date you’ve had? A really thoughtful date in a place called Corby. What makes you swipe right? To be honest, it’s mostly about the photos. What makes you swipe left? Body shots and selfies.

CIARAN WEARS: TOP, UNIQLO. JEANS, CHEAP MONDAY. SHOES, MAISON KITSUNE. CALLUM WEARS: JACKET AND TOP, BOTH DIESEL. JEANS, H&M. SHOES, DUNE. JOHN WEARS: TOP, GYMPLEX. JEANS, TOPMAN. SHOES, LACOSTE. SEAN WEARS: DRESS, ASOS.COM. SHOES, HIDDEN FASHION. EMILY WEARS: JUMPSUIT, PRETTYLITTLETHING. SHOES, SCHUH. SUSAN WEARS: JACKET, NEW LOOK. TOP, ASOS.COM. SKIRT, MONKI. SHOES, HIDDEN FASHION

Best date you’ve had? We went to a gin-tasting. 23, MANCHESTER, Pretending to notice the STUDENT subtle differences was fun. What’s your Tinder bio? What makes you swipe ‘Student and Shirley-from- right? Nice eyes, nice skin EastEnders stunt double.’ and a funny bio. Opening line? I normally What makes you swipe don’t start conversations left? People who have because of my crippling pictures with drugged-up fear of rejection. animals from their travels.

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Vegas with a friend and made it clear to my date beforehand that 22, LEEDS, STUDENT my friend and I wouldn’t separate. What’s your Tinder bio? My old I assumed he’d bring someone, job title and ‘University of Leeds’. but he turned up alone. The three Opening line? ‘I find you of us learned to play blackjack! a-peel-ing’, with banana emojis. What makes you swipe right? It usually goes down well. Someone smiley who looks fun. Best date you’ve had? It was kind What makes you swipe left? of the best and worst: I was in Sunglasses in every photo.

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on to become one of my good friends. It was 18, BIRMINGHAM, really romantic and COLLEGE STUDENT ended with that princess What’s your Tinder bio? moment where you kick ‘I am label-free, gender up the heel of the foot non-conforming, and and kiss the guy. a “one-of-a-kind What makes you swipe collectible”,’ a quote right? Interesting from American drag pictures and queen Violet Chachki. beautiful faces. Opening line? ‘Kakaw, What makes you swipe kakaw, I’m an eagle!’ left? Someone who Best date you’ve had? looks the part yet With a boy who went only exudes beige.

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EMILY

23, LONDON, ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE What’s your Tinder bio? ‘Need someone to share pasta with, eating it on your own can get cannelloni sometimes.’ Opening line? ‘Would you rather have your commute narrated by David Attenborough or your internal monologue by Morgan Freeman?’ Best date you’ve had? With a boy I met on holiday. We went for dinner on a sunny rooftop, followed by a late-night trip to the beach. What makes you swipe right? Someone who’s tall, dark and handsome – but also smiling. What makes you swipe left? Topless bed selfies and Thailand tiger gap-year pictures. i

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21, EXETER, HOSPITAL DISPATCHER What’s your Tinder bio? ‘Not as grumpy IRL as I look in photos.’ Opening line? A sassy GIF of Beyoncé or Honey Boo Boo.

34, LONDON, RECRUITER What’s your Tinder bio? ‘I’m leaving this blank intentionally, so you can judge me entirely on my looks.’ Opening line? A Joey Tribbiani GIF. Best date you’ve had? The one that ended up in me getting my boyfriend. He loves coffee as much as I do, and after brunch we ended up going for about six rounds of it. We stayed in that coffee shop for about three or four hours. What makes you swipe right? A pretty face, blue eyes and a nice smile. What makes you swipe left? Group photos and torso pictures.

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MOST RIGHT SWIPED

Best date you’ve had? It’s also my worst. We had oysters at the beach. We both felt so ill, and my bus wasn’t for two hours. What makes you swipe right? Rebellious-looking people. What makes you swipe left? Photos of the back of their head!

23, LONDON, BRAND MANAGER/SEMIPROFESSIONAL FOOTBALLER What’s your Tinder bio? Just my Instagram. Opening line? The love-hearteyes emoji. It works more than 50% of the time.

Best date you’ve had? I met up with a match in Bali. We spent two days going to dinner and the beach; it was like a romantic getaway with a total stranger. Short, but very sweet. What makes you swipe right? Someone genuine. What makes you swipe left? Fakeness.

SANDRO WEARS: TOP, RIVER ISLAND. JEANS, H&M. SHOES, MAISON KITSUNE. TOM WEARS: JACKET, ALL SAINTS. TOP, AMAZON FASHION. JEANS, ZARA. SHOES, AXEL ARIGATO. REBECCA WEARS: JACKET AND TROUSERS, BOTH VERY.CO.UK. TOP, FRENCH CONNECTION. SHOES, PUBLIC DESIRE. ALISON WEARS: TOP, PULL & BEAR. SHORTS, ZARA. HAT, URBAN OUTFITTERS. SHOES, TOPSHOP. MAX WEARS: JACKET, RIVER ISLAND. TOP, LEVI’S. JEANS, MANGO. SHOES, LACOSTE. ELLIE WEARS: TOP AND TROUSERS, BOTH KENDALL AND KYLIE. SHOES, REISS

The

Best date you’ve had? The zoo. You don’t have 20, MANCHESTER, STUDENT to worry about finding What’s your Tinder bio? something to say. ‘Why do Norwegian ships What makes you swipe have barcodes on the side?’ right? Someone who To Scan-da-navy-in.’ looks pretty relaxed and Opening line? A GIF of a is dressed smartly. woman waving frantically. What makes you swipe People reply 90% of the time. left? Men in white jeans.

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ELLIE 22, LONDON, STUDENT What’s your Tinder bio? ‘I’d try and woo you with herb and fish jokes, but I don’t know if this is the thyme or the plaice.’ Opening line? ‘I hope you like my chat-up line’, then I send a line emoji. Best date you’ve had? At some hidden waterfalls in Greece. It was a cool adventure. What makes you swipe right? A funny bio. What makes you swipe left? Topless selfies. ◆

COSMOPOLITAN &

WANT TO PARTY WITH THE HOT LIST? MAX

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SENIOR FASHION EDITOR SAIREY STEMP. FASHION ASSISTANT SHANNON HYLTON. HAIR AND MAKE-UP CHARLOTTE GASKILL, USING NARS AND REN; HANNAN PARKIN, USING BOBBI BROWN AND SACHAJUAN HAIR; DAVID LAWRENCE, USING MAC COSMETICS AND PAUL MITCHELL; CHEZELLE BEAUTY, USING NARS AND WELLA HAIR; JENNI DAVID, USING MAC AND PAUL MITCHELL; CAMILLA AKEHURST, USING NARS AND PAUL MITCHELL, ALL AT LHA REPRESENTS. *TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY

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ALISON

26, SURREY, PROJECT MANAGER What’s your Tinder bio? ‘Came in a black Benz, left in a white one.’ Opening line? I try and take something from their profile and ask a question based on that. I think it works – I don’t get ghosted too often.

Best date you’ve had? White-water rafting at the Olympic Stadium as a surprise. It was a really cool date. What makes you swipe right? If they look wholesome. What makes you swipe left? Anyone who just seems too into themselves.

Well, we’re offering a lucky few the chance to do just that. Bag your free ticket to the rooftop party of the summer, bring a plus-one of your choice, and have a cocktail with the 30 most right-swiped. All you have to do is download or open Tinder. Then, on 22nd April (for one day only), swipe until you come across a branded Cosmopolitan card. Swipe right on the card to enter, and fill in the short form. Yep, it really is that simple. See you there!* THE DETAILS Entries open on: 22nd April Party: Evening of 9th May Venue: A rooftop location in London (all will be revealed once the form is complete…)

BEFORE

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Would you* pay £2,000 for perfect hair?

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AFTER

Josie Copson spent a lifetime faking it (badly) in her quest for longer locks. Here, she recounts her road to extension nirvana i

remember the day I got my hair cut the way most people remember the day their family pet died. I was 13. Days earlier, my older sister Abbi had said, “You know, you’ve got the perfect face shape for a bob,” while absent-mindedly flicking through a copy of Heat magazine. Sibling coercion is a powerful thing. I mulled it over for all of two minutes, then insisted my mum booked me in for a cut and blow-dry at the hairdressers above our local gym. The minute she left, I instructed the hairdresser to cut the lot off. To understand what followed, you need to know what came before. I had lovely hair. It was long, shiny as a horse chestnut and reached that teeny little nook in the small of my back. My long hair was a part of my identity but, of course, I didn’t realise this until it was gone. Ten minutes later, there it was – chocolate tendrils scattered across the floor of the hairdresser’s whitetiled floor like shrapnel. I now had a bob. But this was no VictoriaBeckham bob. It wasn’t even a vaguely hipsterish Velma from Scooby-Doo bob. This was a bob of epic proportions, a bob that floated around my head like giant cumulonimbus clouds. I waited eagerly for my mum in the gym reception, hopeful of some reassurance. It never came. She looked at me and said,“Cute,” which sounded far more like a question than a statement. My hair never grew back. I was now saddled with braces, acne and a malfunctioning bob.

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It wasn’t an easy time. The boys at school called me ‘Mushroom’. My boyfriend dumped me. At the exact moment girls in my class were emerging from their adolescent chrysalises as beautiful, elegant butterflies, I was Ann Widdecombe. Two years and about one inch of hair growth later, despite trying every supplement, treatment and piece of advice available to womankind, I had no choice but to fake it.

THE EARLY YEARS AGED 15-16

(VERY CHEAP) GLUE-INS

My mum has Afro hair, so that means I spent many, many hours of my childhood in Caribbean hair salons. One of the few benefits of this (besides the fact that I got a magazine and a Morrisons hot-counter chicken drumstick) was that I learned what you could achieve with some fake hair and

very cheap glue. Armed with this knowledge, I found a hair-extension stockist on Brierley Hill high street and got myself a bag of hair and a bottle of black hair glue. I then returned to my hairdresser with my two bags and asked them to get to work. Two hours later, I emerged looking like Katie Price. Who cares that my entire head smelt of mackerel (that glue is potent stuff)? Or that the jet-black extensions looked like they had been liberated from Alice Cooper? I had long, swishy hair again. I felt like me.

THE HOPEFUL YEARS

CLIP-INS

The thing is, there’s only so long a girl can put up with her entire head smelling like a fish supper. And besides, my real hair was matting at the roots, the glue was dripping out and I’d spend my life finding little tails of hair all over the place. Often I couldn’t afford to go back to the salon to get them reapplied (you try and afford hair-extension upkeep when you’re earning £10 a week teaching primaryschool children maths, and £5 for doing the entire family’s ironing), so I would glue them back in myself. The results included, though were not limited to: black hair glue over my entire wardrobe, thick globules of hastily applied glue all over my hair, and one carpet stain in my sister’s bedroom that we still do not talk about. Thankfully salvation came from the most unlikely of places: TOWIE. I’d heard Lauren Pope (her of the lustrous hair and Lilo lips) was flogging hair extensions that you could attach temporarily with clips. They seemed the perfect solution – until I applied them. They were heavier than your average extension – so heavy, in fact, that my poor natural hair struggled with the weight and would break off in fine AGED 16-18

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Josie in hair heaven and, left, less so

little wisps. There was also the comedic sight of me having to hang my hair over my laundry basket every evening, bringing to mind the Dolly Parton quote: “Home is anywhere I hang my hair.” Still, my clip-ins took me all the way to university where I became adept at removing them mid-marathon-make-out sessions.

THE BROKEN YEARS

MICROBEADS

Oh, these sounded so good! At least, according to their website. Teeny plastic beads that required no heat, no glue, and which attached delicate strands of extensions to my own rapidly diminishing head of hair. My mum insisted on doing it by following a YouTube tutorial in a bid to cut costs (at £200 per application, you can see why). She is a woman so heavyhanded that she once broke the door off our washing machine simply by AGED 19-21

opening it, so you can imagine what my scalp had to go through as she put the extension inside a bead in my real hair, then used dad’s pliers to secure it. A year later, I had two bald patches.

THE WISER YEARS

TAPE-INS

Imagine Sellotape, but for your hair. That is tape-ins. Literally. The first time I went to get them done, the hairdresser grabbed a piece of what little hair she could find, put a piece of tape below it and a piece of tape above it and then patted it down like two pieces of Warburtons bread over a slice of ham. The tapes were longer and lighter than the beads, which meant less pressure on my real hair. In truth, the ‘tape years’ were pretty good to me and my hair. My own remaining tendrils certainly preferred them. The only issue was they tended to fall out the closer I got to maintenance day AGED 22-24

– seriously, just running my hands through my hair would result in a mass exodus of extensions. I could be mid-conversation with someone and the next minute I would be talking with a fistful of my own hair in my hand (is that called a ‘power move’?). In the end, I took to keeping an envelope in my handbag where I could safely store any errant extensions to be reused on my next salon visit. At one point I had more hair in my handbag than I did on my head. Something had to change.

THE WISEST YEARS

MICRO RINGS

I’ll admit. I was dubious. For a start, micro rings sound like some odd variation on the vibrating cock ring. But I was told on good authority that these are the gold standard of hair extensions. I headed to Vixen & Blush, a salon in London where i PRESENT

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the staff are all specially trained in hair extensions, rather than being hairdressers with an extension side hustle (or my mum and a pair of pliers from dad’s toolkit). Micro rings are basically little copper tubes that flatten when they’re applied so you can barely see anything – although you do have to wave goodbye to the high pony. They’re less weighty than beads, too, so theoretically cause less damage to your hair. What intrigues me the most, however, is that a) they’re made from ‘virgin Russian hair’ – I didn’t ask, but I presume that means pure, ethically sourced human hair rather than hair plucked from a poor Muscovite with her hymen still intact. And b) you should only wash them using a downward motion, which will make shampoo time fun. It took all of three hours to put the extensions in, but I did feel like I’d stepped out of an ’80s L’Oréal ad when they were done. I had properly big, bouncy, swish-it-allabout hair for the first time in my life. So great did I feel that I went straight from the salon to a hot date. I have genuinely never felt more confident meeting a guy. I thought nothing could go wrong with that hair. I was wrong. The date was a disaster. Still, I did have good hair while I was enduring it. Three months into my micro rings and there have been no breakages, no rogue tendrils scattered on the pillow in the morning, and no bald patches. As for me? I’m making up for all those lost teenage years by flicking my new hair at everyone from my poor Uber driver to the guy who delivered my ASOS order. Some girls like to apply expensive make-up to feel good. Some lift weights three times a week and some turn to Botox. And some, like me and Dolly Parton, just wear a hell of a lot of hair not grown out of our own follicles.

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She liked it so she put a ring on it

Damage limitation

“When it comes to bonds, damage is not implicit,” says founder of Vixen & Blush, Sarah McKenna. “But it is determined by how experienced your stylist is, the glue they use, how it’s removed and how you treat your hair.” Assuming your hair type is suitable for them to be applied, the ‘glue’-free micro rings are generally considered the most user-friendly. “If an extension is tugged, the ring slips down the hair, rather than taking your natural hair with it,” McKenna says. i

AFTERCARE KIT HairBurst Mulberry Silk Pillowcase, £34.99

Easilocks Rose Gold Oil Heat Protector Pro, £25.81 Wet Brush-Pro Epic Extension Brush, £17.99

Pureology Hydrate Shampoo, £16; and Conditioner, £20

READ

Is picking the right type making your head hurt? Here’s our definitive guide…

MICRO RINGS

TAPES

AS SEEN ON JOSIE!

Say what? Tiny metal rings flattened around your hair and the extension strand, sealing them together. Best for: People with naturally thick hair. Although discreet, they’re more likely to peek through finer hair than micro-bonds (see below). Downsides: You’re more likely to feel them when lying down or touching your head. People with oilier hair find they can slip down the hair shaft – not always a bad thing according to some experts (see ‘Damage limitation’, on the previous page). You’ll love them because: There’s no glue or heat involved, so the hair can be reused with only a three-tofour-monthly refit required. Kinder to your hair and your bank balance.

MICRO BONDS

Say what? Keratin resin (a hairfriendly, glue-like substance) moulded into tiny bonds around your hair and the extension strand. Some extensions come pre-bonded, but the hand-bonded method offers a more bespoke service, as stylists can adjust each strand perfectly to your own varying hair density. Best for: People with naturally fine hair. They’re almost undetectable.

FA I R H A I R Don’t be afraid to ask, “Where’s my hair from?” With demand for human hair rising, exploitation is inevitable, driving dealers to target women from

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Say what? Larger strips of hair attached to the root using medical-grade tape. Best for: Those lacking budget and time, or not wanting to commit to one of the more long-term, high-maintenance methods. Downsides: They need to be removed or readjusted every six-to-eight weeks. You’ll love them because: They’re quick and easy to apply and remove, low-budget and reusable.

WEAVES

Say what? A bundle of extensions (also known as a weft) sewn into the wearer’s natural hair, which has been braided against the scalp. Best for: Thick, coarse or Afro hair. Downsides: Braids that are too tight, heavy-duty bonding glue and heavy wefts can all cause long-term damage to the hair follicle. Reinstallations are required roughly every eight weeks to avoid the weight of the weft pulling on the natural hair regrowth. You’ll love them because: They’re often seen as a protective style, giving the natural hair a break during harsh winter months. They also aid the transition from relaxed to natural hair without damaging daily styling.

poor areas in India, Peru and eastern Europe. “We are committed to ensuring that all our hair is donated ethically and willingly, and that a fair price is paid,” says Great Lengths

education and creative manager Louise Jenkins. “For example, Indian hair is donated to temples as part of a Hindu ritual, with the payment funnelled back into the local community.”

What's in a mane?

Cut out any confusion. Here are the buzzwords to look out for SYNTHETIC

As in, not real. Yes, it’s loads cheaper, which is great… if you don’t mind Barbie-esque hair that can’t be heat-styled. DOUBLE D R AW N

The same thickness from root to tip, meaning no straggly ends.

T

LIT HE

REMY

All strands are facing the same way, with the cuticles pointing in the direction of natural hair growth. It stays looking glossy and is less likely to tangle. VIRGIN

Coming from one donor, not chemically treated or dyed.

TLE B LAC K BOO K

◆ VIP EXPERIENCE Vixen & Blush, London: The hair-extension specialists behind Josie’s makeover. Using 100% remy hair, the smallest micro rings, clever colour-blending techniques and expertly trained stylists, the price tag reflects the quality. From £335. ◆ N E W TA P E T E C H N O LO GY Great Lengths GL Tapes (available nationwide): 3cm-wide strips of 100% human hair, available in 58 base shades. We rate Hadley Yates at Hershesons Harvey Nichols, London. From

OF

£150 (prices may vary according to salon location). ◆ AFRO SPECIALIST Hair Lounge, London: Founded by award-winning hairstylist Charlotte Mensah, they offer sew-in and interlockingweave services, as well as deep-conditioning treatments for the downtime between weaves. ◆ ONE NIGHT O N LY American Dream Iconic Grade Silky Straight Loop Duo, £115: 100% remy human hair hanging from a near-invisible wire. Kinder than clip-ins. ◆

ADDITIONAL WORDS CASSIE POWNEY. PHOTOGRAPHS SARAH BROWN. HAIR EXTENSIONS DANIELLE PINK AT VIXEN & BLUSH. BEFORE MAKE-UP CASSIE STEWARD AT LHA REPRESENTS. AFTER HAIR AND MAKE-UP CHARLOTTE GASKELL AT LHA REPRESENTS. *THE COST TO HAVE AND MAINTAIN JOSIE’S EXTENSIONS FOR A YEAR, ROUNDED UP TO ALLOW FOR SPECIFIC HAIRCARE YOU NEED TO BUY

Extensions untangled

Downsides: The removal is messier and longer, with acetone applied to the keratin bond so it can be crushed into a powder and brushed out. This process also means the hair can’t be reused, so that’s brand-new hair every three-to-four months – pricey. You’ll love them because: This is the most discreet method by far, even in super-fine hair.

COSMOPOLITAN PROMOTION

HOW TO SERVE…

ICE, ICE baby It’s time to ditch your usual tipple and make way for a cool, crisp, refreshing revolution. ‘On the rocks’ just got a whole lot better… ongratulations, you’ve made it through the wind-induced hair blindness, the permanently blocked nose and the never-ending Sundays of ‘quality time’ with extended family. We’re finally getting there: summer is on its way. And what better to accompany the sunny barbecues,

C

after-work drinks and long evenings with friends, than Freixenet ICE? Refreshing, summery and extremely well-dressed (you’ll want to keep the bottle), Freixenet ICE and ICE Rosé are the perfect sparkling wines to pour over ice and sip blissfully – after Instagramming, of course. These elegant cavas are here to drag you out of your same-order-as-always slump, away from the almost-entirelyfruit-juice cocktails and into a new era of sunny summer thinking: not only is sparkling wine on ice acceptable now, it’s about to change your life. Oh, and a quick tip for when you get to the bar: it’s pronounced “fresh-eh-net”. Don’t worry, we had to Google it, too.

It’s time to throw away that elaborate 10-step cocktail recipe and bin your overpriced juicer – the Freixenet ICE range is much easier, and here to make you feel like an accomplished mixologist with very little work. Simply pour Freixenet ICE into a wine glass over ice cubes and garnish with a sprig of mint to make it look as good as it tastes. If you’re looking for a rosier vibe, serve Freixenet ICE Rosé over ice with summer berries to decorate. Now sit back, sip and enjoy looking effortlessly glamorous. To find out more and discover where to buy Freixenet, visit Freixenet.co.uk

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Top, £355; shorts, £410, both Isabel Marant. Sunglasses, £160, Illesteva. Ring, £65, Pandora

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GET YOUR GLITTER ON Styled by us and worn by our favourite influencers, Hannah Crosskey, Lottie Murphy and Natascha Cox, the new festival range from Primark has well and truly arrived (hello, sequin cape, we see you) Hannah wears: dress, £12; jeans, £15

COSMOPOLITAN PROMOTION

Natascha wears: cape, £18; T-shirt, £2; shorts, £10; bumbag, £6, all Primark

SHINE BRIGHT ALL NIGHT

Lottie wears: jacket, £35; playsuit, £12; shoes, £7

Whether you prefer to shine in a soft metallic knit (we’re pairing ours with ripped jeans and tough ankle boots), or take it to the next level by rocking a stand-out sequin playsuit teamed with cool-girl trainers, our favourite picks for shimmering this season are from Primark. The new collection is perfect for upping your sparkle (and, let’s face it, Instagram game) everywhere, from a festival field to the dancefloor. Off on holiday? The range also stars metallic-foil bikinis – and we can’t get enough. Keep sparkling!

SINGLE? SETTLED? WE’VE GOT YOU COVERED

RIP

R

WORDS JENNIFER SAVIN. PHOTOGRAPHS PIXELEYES

98% effective against morons

RUBBER STAMP IT First it was driving, then came ironing… now the latest activity to join the outsourcing-app world is having potentially awkward conversations with your partner. New relationship apps Kindu and Undercovers suggest a range of sexual exploits for you and your partner to rate, and ‘matches’ the ones you’re both into. LegalFling, meanwhile, is a much-anticipated Dutch app planned for rollout, where instead of matching with new people, users are able to set up consent contracts (including whether you’re willing to use condoms or agree to photos or videos being taken) with the ‘close personal friends’ in their contacts. A technological step too far or the most exciting online survey you’ll ever complete? We’re undecided.

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THE POLYAMORY DIARIES

“There’s a big difference between polyamory & swınging...” It’s been four months since Jack’s* wife told him she wanted to be polyamorous. This month, he tries to get his head around ‘poly sex’ versus ‘casual sex’

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O

ne of the complicated things about polyamory is that it means different things to different people. Many ‘poly people’ are in the position where they have a primary partner – in my case, my wife, Lucy* – with whom they’ve reached an agreement to have a more open relationship. Whereas others have multiple relationships, which are all on an equal footing in terms of commitment and time spent. Something that is agreed upon is that polyamory is more than just sleeping around. Sex should be something that strengthens a relationship, rather than being some sort of end game. Otherwise, it’s not polyamory, it’s swinging. But it’s not easy. My wife’s first extra-marital relationship ended abruptly when her boyfriend began to take issue with her being married. Meanwhile, my only ongoing relationship is with Nell*, who is also polyamorous with a primary partner at home, which means we have yet to find a moment where we can share a bed. The truly complicated thing about polyamory? Simply finding the time. I like the idea of building meaningful relationships, but diarising with my family is hard enough, let alone trying to find time to date a string of other women, too. And yet, I’m determined to make as many new connections as I can. Lisa* is another poly girl I meet through dating app OKCupid. She lives nearby and we meet at her local pub. There is an instant spark and she tells me that her live-in boyfriend works nights, and her other boyfriends visit while he’s out. We arrange another date for a week later… at her place. On our second evening together, I learn a little more about her set-up. She’s into S&M, and her current boyfriends are categorised as either

‘dom’ or ‘sub’. Being a ‘switch’, she’s happy to accommodate both with props ranging from the ‘traditional’ (corsets) to the more surprising (strapons). Often she will film whatever she does to show to her main boyfriend when he gets home. It’s a huge turn-on, and we soon end up in her bedroom. Things are about to get heated when she tells me she has a rule: she never sleeps with anyone until she’s had more than two dates with them. It seems even polyamory has a traditional side. I lock in our third date for the next week. When we meet up again, we’re soon back on her bed, talking dirty. But rather than the amateur-porn scenario I’d been expecting, our tryst ends in nothing more exotic than a blow job, and I leave wondering if Lisa is really as adventurous as she says. Over the next few weeks, the fire and urgency disappears from our text exchanges, and those familiar time pressures intervene. We fail to arrange another meeting. Some might expect polyamory to mean a lot of sex with a lot of different people. But the fact that most people involved in this lifestyle, by definition, have so many other options on the table means the metaphorical ‘bar’ for real intimacy is set much higher than it might be on the singles dating scene. So the free availability of casual sex that I thought polyamory might lead to has not materialised. Both Lisa and I moved on without a second look back. Would it have been so easy if we’d both been single? Perhaps polyamory really is a more enlightened, less high-pressured way to meet people and create genuine connections. I’m still hopeful.

PHOTOGRAPH AGATA PEC. *NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED

“While her boyfriend works, the others visit”

The Polyamory Diaries chronicles one man’s reluctant journey into polyamory in order to save his marriage. Read the previous instalments at Cosmopolitan. com/uk/polyamory-diaries

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A D U LT N O N - F I C T I O N

MY BEST SEX EVERWAS… with another woman I’d always got on with Clare.* Whenever I was booked to work in her office as a freelancer, I’d sit diagonally opposite her and we’d catch each other’s eye every time we shared a joke. I thought she was absolutely beautiful. She had a real gothic beauty and was tall and curvy, with black shoulder-length hair and smoky eye make-up. I’d always considered myself straight, and had only ever been with men before, but there was just something about her. Often, and quite inexplicably, I’d find myself fantasising about kissing her. I knew she was casually dating a couple of guys, so figured it would stay at just that: a fantasy. One evening, however, the company threw a big ‘Aren’t we doing well?’ back-patting celebration party at a posh local venue. Clare and I went together, walking arm-in-arm, swigging gin out of the hip flask she carried in her clutch bag. We spent all night laughing, dancing and, yes, flirting. She constantly found excuses to touch me, whether it was rubbing away smudged lipstick or holding my hand when we moved from room to room. I found the attention

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intoxicating, and when she suggested sharing an Uber back to hers for a postparty drink, I said yes immediately. As soon as the engine started, her hands were in my hair, her lips on mine. She ran her tongue around the inside of my mouth, and my body responded instinctively. I hadn’t imagined it – the chemistry was real. Her skin was soft and smelled of coconut body lotion. Just the thought of what we were doing turned me on – the fact it was so illicit and surprising, yet also strangely inevitable. We tore each other’s clothes off as we stumbled into her flat – and then into her bedroom. She pulled my dress off over my head and unclipped my bra, pushing me backwards onto the bed. She straddled me, wearing just her knickers, and kissed my lips, earlobes and neck, moving softly and slowly to my breasts, cupping one gently while flicking the nipple with her tongue. My hands gripped her hair and I bucked my hips against hers. I was so wet I couldn’t bear the anticipation. She moved teasingly

down my body, kissing, biting and stroking my skin. When she reached my knickers, she tugged them off and threw them onto the floor, before running her hands up my thighs. When she finally touched my clitoris, gently, with her fingertips, I was so turned on I nearly screamed with the intensity of it. Then her tongue replaced her fingers, and she gave me the best head of my life, licking me so sensually that I came almost straight away. I then returned the favour, discovering I found it as much of a turn-on making her writhe and moan as it had been being on the receiving end. There was something so different about being with a woman – the softness of her body, the fact I knew instinctively how and where to stroke, lick and kiss her, as it’s where I like to be stroked, licked and kissed. The next morning, we said goodbye, agreeing to keep this just between ourselves. It wouldn’t happen again; it was best kept as a wonderful one-off. Whenever I worked with her after that, though, and we caught each other’s eye, we’d always share a secret smile.

“I knew exactly how and where to kiss her”

PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES. *NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED

Alex’s* work party ended up taking a very unexpected turn…

WORST DATES EVER Hey, we’ve all been there… We went for drinks, then dinner. At the restaurant, he realised he’d left his laptop bag in the pub and started freaking out. He cried, then called the bar repeatedly until they picked up and told him it was still there.

I DROVEUSTOARUGBY S MATCH, BUT MY DATEWAS SO HUNGOVER, I HAD TO STOP THE CAR SO HE COULD VOMIT. HE THEN ASKED TO BE DROPPED AT A FRIEND’S HOUSE SO HE COULD CARRY ON DRINKING. I WENT TO THE GAME WITH MY EX INSTEAD.

Pre-date, he texted asking if I was on birth control because “Daddy has an impregnation fetish”. EMILY, 23

APRIL, 25

MADISON, 22

My date declared that “Hitler wasn’t actually such a bad guy”, and “if he hadn’t lost the war, he’d be a national hero”.

HE RETURNED FROM THE TOILET, PUSHED MY HAIR BACK AND GRUNTED, “YOU SORT OF LOOK LIKE A MODEL… FROM FAR AWAY.” SOPHIE, 30

MAGGI, 22

The day after our date, I messaged to tell him we should just be friends. His reply? “We’ll see,” followed by three skull emojis.

AS TOLD TO JENNIFER SAVIN. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES

LIV, 29

He cancelled on me 10 minutes before our date because his granddad was sick. Weeks later, we finally met and were talking about past dates. He said that he’d never stood anyone up, but had made excuses not to go... such as his granddad being ill.

He cancelledour dinner, suggesting we go for drinks with his female friend instead. At the bar, he told me to buy her a drink, kissed her, then said, “We’re all going to have a good time tonight.” I left immediately.

GABRIELLA, 25

AISHA, 27

He pulled out my Tinder profile and started comparing my photos to my face, telling me how the lighting made my features look different. KATHERINE, 23 ✱ Got a dating nightmare to share? Email worstdatesever @cosmopolitan.co.uk

FERAL FACTOR HOLD YOUR HORSES

CRAZY FROG

TOTAL PIG

OTTER LOSER

C O S M O P O L I TA N ·

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d Zack Crystal an ar ago about a ye

“He was more into it than I was” Crystal Foster, 21, is a model from Doncaster I met Zack in a club just over two years ago. The first thing I remember about him was how talkative and well-dressed he was. I was on a night out with some friends when he came over. We got chatting and it didn’t take long before we were kissing. At the end of the night we swapped numbers and started dating almost immediately afterwards. At first we had a lot of fun. I’m quite a shy person, so I liked that he was confident and chatty, and my friends loved him: they thought he was really sweet. But things changed as time went on. He was so cute and polite when we first met, but the more I got to know him, it became clear he wasn’t that person. He was cocky and in-your-face, and he tried too hard to present a ‘cool’ image of himself when he was around his friends. Just before my 21st birthday, we broke it off by text. I didn’t want to do it in person. I wasn’t bothered when it ended – although when we’d met, I’d wondered if he could end up being my big first love, I know now that I never loved him. He was definitely more into it than I was. When we met up, we barely mentioned our relationship – there’s nothing more to say. I thought the date could be a good chance for us to start a friendship, but I was surprised by the kind of person he turned out to be; he was laddish and image-obsessed. I was also annoyed when I left, as he was constantly trying to flirt with me – on the drive Would you see him again? home I was stuck in traffic “No, definitely not. If I saw him in person I’d be civil, and he messaged me saying but I’d never go out of my that I should have just stayed way to see or speak to him. at his instead. I thought it was He’s no longer someone a sly thing to say, and I haven’t I’d want to be with.” spoken to him since then.

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Each month, we send two former lovers on a date to see what happens

“She’s become a worse version of herself ” When I first saw Crystal across the club, I thought she was stunning so I went over and we got chatting. We had a laugh all night, and she ended up coming back to mine. After that, she was always on my case, so we were texting every day and meeting up every weekend. About two weeks after we’d met, we made it official. We’re very different, but it worked. It was like a friendship and a romance in one. I liked that she was business-minded and ambitious, and obviously she’s beautiful, too. It was my first experience of love at first sight. After five weeks together, we went to London for the weekend. When we were cuddled up in bed, I told her I loved her and she said it back. Just being with her made me happy. She motivated me to be a better person, but things changed when she started modelling – she became a diva. Before that she was considerate and caring, but she became selfish and snobby. When I brought it up with her she was adamant that I was the one who’d changed, then she started saying the distance was too much, but that was only an excuse. She just didn’t want to be with me, so we broke up. However, this date was like starting again, and it was very flirty. She kept hinting about moving down South soon and tried to feed me nachos. After dinner, she was moaning about the long drive home and I got the feeling she wanted to stay at mine, but she isn’t my type any more. She’s become a worse version Would you see her again? of herself. We kissed, and I’d “I wouldn’t go on another date with her. She drove me sleep with her again, if she insane. I don’t mind if she wanted to, but nothing more. 4Want to be reunited with your first love? Email us at first. [email protected]

wants to stay friends but nothing romantic can happen between us.”

C O S M O P O L I TA N ·

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AS TOLD TO DANIELLA SCOTT. PHOTOGRAPHS ANTONIO PETRONZIO. HAIR & MAKE-UP EMILY-JANE WILLIAMS. STYLING CHLOE BEENEY. THANKS TO RIVERFORD AT THE DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE (DUKEORGANIC.CO.UK)

Zack Smith, 22, is an entrepreneur from Essex

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BECAUSE LIFE’S ALL ABOUT THE 5-9

JOIN THE FLASH PACK If the words ‘group trip’ make you think of shouty guides with megaphones followed by a trail of tennis-sock-clad pensioners, think again. Organised trips for solo travellers have undergone a major reinvention. Now companies such as Flash Pack*, For The Love Of Travel** and Dragoman† offer explorers like, well, you the chance to reap the benefits of group travel, while also nailing your bucket list. Bounce along canyons in Costa Rica on a giant rubber ring, tequila-taste in Mexico or glamp in a converted lorry trailer (trust us on this one). The downside? Your chances of becoming best friends with anyone named Gladys have just dipped hugely.

C O S M O P O L I TA N ·

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We’ve circled the globe to find THE best stretches of sand. It was a tough job, but, hey, someone had to do it… i

137

Beauty writer LUCY PARTINGTON found a secret beach so relaxing, even the resident sharks were laid-back

KIA ORA RESORT & SPA The most

Where on earth? Slap-bang in the middle of the South Pacific Ocean – 10,000 miles away, AKA one of the furthest places from the UK. To get there, you need to navigate your way to Paris, then make yourself comfy on the 22-hour flight to Tahiti (there’s a two-hour refuel in LA so you can stretch your legs and stock up on peanutbutter M&Ms). Jump on another plane and fly 200 miles north to Rangiroa, the second largest atoll

(basically a ring-shaped coral reef) in the world. Then, finally, sail an hour west until you arrive at the Blue Lagoon. Sounds like a mission. It is, but this beach is more than worth the epic pilgrimage: the sand is a perfect shade of gold, and the water so blue and so clear that you’ll have a hard time believing it’s real. Plus you can’t get wi-fi in the middle of the ocean, and you definitely won’t see another human being while you’re there. Kia Ora: no filter required

pressure you’ll organise Apart feel all trip your day from your trip to the personal, Blue Lagoon ukulelewith Oviri playing boat Excursions. captain and Stay in one of chief BBQ-er Kia Ora’s dreamy (and maybe one over-water bungalows. Even of his pals, if he comes the standard double rooms along for the ride). come with a not-so-standard Top spot: Right in the private pool. Instagram water itself. There are picture opportunities are sunloungers that you everywhere (#nofilter can move into the sea – necessary), and make sure it’s a lagoon so it’s shallow you grab a scoop (or 12) enough. You’ll probably of coconut ice-cream: the end up surrounded by version in French Polynesia (friendly) blacktip reef (the group of islands where sharks, but that’s part Tahiti is located) is like of the fun. Right? nowhere else in the world. Can I stay? Sort of. You can rest your weary head at Kia Ora Resort & Spa, one of only two hotels GET ME TO PARADISE A return fare with on Rangiroa, and they’ll

Tan goals, provided by the resort decking

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· C O S M O P O L I TA N

Air Tahiti Nui from Paris to Papeete, via LAX, from £1,450 including taxes, with connecting Virgin Atlantic flights from London available; Airtahitinui.co.uk. For internal Air Tahiti flights, visit Airtahiti.com. Standard double rooms at Kia Ora Resort & Spa from £400 per room; Rangiroalagoon.com/en

For once, falling out of your hammock really isn’t such a bad thing ANANTARA DHIGU MALDIVES RESORT

MALDIVES Senior fashion editor SAIREY STEMP fed her Instagram with photos of sea turtles, and her face with a slew of seafood Where on earth? Dhigufinolhu Island (mercifully just called Dhigu for short) is a circular white sandbank in the middle of a piercing blue lagoon that’s only a 35-minute speedboat ride from the airport in Malé, the Maldives’ capital. As you step onto the jetty, make sure you look down, as you’ll probably spot

seafood, dance beneath the a stingray casually gliding stars, then wade out to the past in the shallow waters. mid-water rope swing and Then be sure to look up at enjoy a 360° view of your the incredible expanse of very own tropical paradise. turquoise from sea to sky. Top spot: The tiny Heaven. Tell me more! uninhabited island First off, you’ll fall in of Gulhi Fushi. love with your Ah, the end of a hard It’s a coconut’s thatchedday of sunbathing… throw away roofed from Dhigu villa – you and reached can stroll via a straight off pontoon the deck – grab a onto white picnic and sand, and on spend a blissful into the ocean. day on your own On Tuesday evenings, Robinson Crusoe-style top chefs from Anantara fantasy isle. Even better, Dhigu Maldives Resort borrow a kayak and paddle cook up a delicious beach over, watched by the local buffet accompanied by a sea turtles as you pass by. DJ. Stuff your face on local

Can I stay? Yes! With 110 beach villas and over-water suites, Anantara Dhigu Maldives Resort is the only resort on the island. And if you want more than just a chance to relax in a hammock with a book, there’s plenty of stuff to do on this tiny sandbar in the Indian Ocean. Try surfing or open-water scuba diving with the help of the on-site professionals, Aquafanatics. Treat yourself to a massage at the spa (bliss). Eat lunch at Dhigu’s over-water restaurant, Sea. Fire. Salt, and dine in the evening at the five-star Thai restaurant Baan Huraa. You can even watch a movie beneath the stars on the beach. And, yes, popcorn is provided. i

GET ME TO PARADISE Anantara Dhigu Maldives Resort, from £615 per night per room for a Sunrise/Sunset Beach Villa, includes complimentary half-board for two people and transfers; Dhigu-maldives. anantara.com. Qatar Airways flies to the Maldives several times a week. Returns via Doha from £549; Qatarairways.com

139

ESSQUE ZALU ZANZIBAR

spot. There’s a 100m wooden jetty Lights on, no one home: perfect that stretches out to a cosy restaurant, all candles, sofas and fresh fish. There’s also an intriguingly named spa-fari where we had the Masai Ritual – two hours of obscene pampering that included five Masai warriors, three goats and a fire pit. Accommodation (Superior Garden Suite inset), meanwhile, is simple but elegant – a mix of whitewashed villas for groups and pretty bungalows for couples, surrounded by acres of manicured gardens. Essque Zalu is a word-ofmouth discovery – a truly low-key luxury experience, the memory of which will keep you going through sometimes the sea is the grimmest work day. nothing more than a pale As for the beach… let’s just blue meniscus on the keep it between us, eh? horizon, and it’s just you and a handful of cocklepickers roaming the shore. GET ME TO PARADISE Things you won’t find here: Essque Zalu Zanzibar, inflatable-banana rides, from £366 per suite drunk Brits with thirdper night; Essquehotels.com. degree sunburn and fullOman Air flies to Muscat, Oman, from London Heathrow twice a moon parties full of berks day, and daily from Manchester, singing DJ Otzi. Things you with onward flights to Zanzibar will find: complete solitude. available five days a week. Can I stay there? You Return economy fares from certainly can. Essque Zalu £499; Omanair.com is that rare thing: a five-star hotel with earthy service and bundles of character. In the middle of the quietest stretch of Nungwi, and with a crescent of private beach (so no need to worry about someone Think UK beach, think rain, hawking you a ‘Gucci’ windbreaks and Mr Whippy sunhat while you bask), rip-offs? Think again… Essque occupies the perfect

ZANZIBAR Editor-in-chief FARRAH STORR found peace and quiet on beautiful sands far from the madding crowds Where on earth? Zanzibar, that’s where: the teeny tear-shaped archipelago off the coast of Kenya. Here you will find beaches and coral reefs just as spectacular as those in the nearby Seychelles, but minus the fawning honeymooners and obnoxious drink prices. On the north-east coast, the Indian Ocean is as warm as

a freshly run bath and the sand so blindingly white that headaches come with every sunbathing session. So where is ‘the’ beach? Head to Nungwi, a sliver of coastline studded with outrageously photogenic stretches of sand – we’re talking real dazzlers of fine white powder broken only by the odd fisherman studiously repairing his dhow. In the morning, the tide pulls so far out that

140 Masai Ritual

Brilliant BRIT TRIPS

“Look lively, Nigel, the Beeb are here”

hung with sea lions, lizards and other rare wildlife. Watch out, Attenborough… Where on earth? Tortuga Bay, a remote beach (it’s a 25-minute walk from the nearest road via a wooden boardwalk) on Santa Cruz

The ‘Never-goinghome’ cruise? Count us very much in

Island in the super-remote Galápagos Islands. You know, the archipelago 1,000km off the coast of Ecuador where Charles Darwin came up with his theory of evolution, where David Attenborough’s always filming wildlife and your mates talked about visiting on Gap Yah but never quite made it? OK… but why this beach? The sand is so white it looks fake (but isn’t) and there are no beach bars or stalls selling holiday tat. But the real draw is the wildlife: you’ll see marine iguanas (the Galápagos is the only place in the world these lizards live – oh, and they have two penises, weird but true), the odd sea lion

Swap the Seychelles for the ISLES OF SCILLY This island chain off Cornwall is the UK’s best-kept secret: micro-climate, palm trees, white sand. Stay at the Karma Hotel on St Martin’s and dine with your feet in the sand; Karmagroup.com

and nesting blue-footed boobies (it’s a bird, stop sniggering). Top spot: The first crescent of sand at the end of the boardwalk is vast, wild and a fave spot for surfers (yep, despite the sharks). Head instead to the second crescent of sand, which is quieter with calmer sea – great for snorkelling with turtles. Can I stay? You can’t stay at the beach, but Hotel Albemarle is probably the best on the island (there aren’t many to choose from, so don’t get too excited). It overlooks a white-sand beach in Puerto Villamil, a small fishing village and

the island’s only proper settlement, and has ensuite rooms and a pool – what more do you need? Or, do an ‘18-to-35 Contiki Island Hopper’ trip, and sleep on the beautiful Isabela Island, a two-hour speedboat ride away. ◆

GET ME TO PARADISE The six-day Galápagos Island Hopper, from £1,845 per person with Contiki (also takes in Guayaquil, Isabela, Santa Cruz and San Cristóbal islands). Includes twin-share hotel rooms, internal flights and transport, meals and excursions including Tortuga Bay and Kicker Rock; Contiki.com

Swap the Caribbean for CORNWALL

Swap the Maldives for the HEBRIDES

Carbis Bay boasts miles of soft golden beach and turquoise water. Pretend you’re living in the tropics at The Carbis Bay Hotel, with its cool beachside restaurant and luxury yacht; Carbisbayhotel.co.uk

Try the Isle of Barra. White-sand: tick. Your plane lands on a beach: tick. Great seafood: tick. OK, it lacks over-water villas, but the rooms in the Isle of Barra Beach Hotel do have sea views; Isleofbarrahotel.co.uk

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OPENING PHOTOGRAPH CARLA GULER. FASHION DIRECTOR CHEE SMITH. HAIR ADAM GARLAND. MAKE-UP ALENA MOISEEVA, ALL AT MMG ARTISTS. MODEL DARIA M AT MMG MODELS. ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, SHUTTERSTOCK

Travel editor AMANDA STATHAM

Tortuga Bay’s a natural beauty. Just like us…

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GIFTS

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TH PPOLII N N RACTT

C

contrac This is an agreement made by A Person Trying To Save A B Bit Of Cash This Month, _______________________________ (hereafter referred to as The Thrifty) y RT

The Thrifty will begin by making a budget dh spreadsheet. She will input her essential outgoings for the month – food, bills, rent, Netflix, beauty subscription box – and spend two hours fiddling with Excel to decide which is the most frugal-looking font. Eventually she will add up the columns and discover that she spends more in Topshop than she does on council tax and heating. She will hide her credit card in the freezer.

2

TIGHTENING THE BELT

In an effort to stop giving half her wages to M&S Food, The Thrifty will buy a big bag of lunch supplies. She will make a stuffed pitta with hummus and salad for lunch in the office kitchen, telling everyone it only costs 75p when you break down the cost of ingredients! Which she has. When a collection envelope comes round for Janet’s leaving present, she will put in an IOU for a hug.

3

THE BIG STRETCH

To save money on transport and justify cancelling her gym membership, The Thrifty will decide to start walking everywhere. In order to motivate herself, she will buy a new fitness tracker (only an extra £35 for rose gold!), a new pair of trainers and two extra cans of deodorant for her desk drawer. But you have to spend money to save money, everyone knows that.

4

THE PERSONAL TOUCH

Instead of o buying a birthday present for her best ffriend, The Thrifty will decide to econo omise by making something. She will lose several evenings (and some blood) to hand-sewing a… a thing. Iss it a blanket? A wall hanging?

A tea towel? To make it look more special, The Thrifty will end up buying a gift bag that inexplicably costs £5.50. “I’ve always wanted a dreamcatcher!” the friend will say.

5 

TRIMMING THE FAT

To avoid going out for dinner, The Thrifty will invite everyone round for a night in. “I’ll just cook a big, cheap stew!” she will say, choosing an easy Nigella recipe which will turn out to involve pine nuts, saffron and a special type of oil that costs £4.79. The Thrifty won’t buy any wine, hoping everyone will bring some. They won’t. She will end up serving some limoncello she won in a raffle.

6

CUTTING BACK

7 

TREAT YO’SELF

The Thrifty will volunteer as a model for trainee hairdressers, which will end in tears when they confuse Zooey Deschanel with Zoë Wanamaker. After her eco-friendly reusable cup dribbles coffee all over the inside of her bag, The Thrifty will switch to her back-up strategy: being aggressively smiley to Pret baristas, in the hope of blagging a free flat white. Eventually one will ask, kindly, if she is in pain.

The Thrifty will find herself composing a furious allcompany email to ask who took her last pitta from the fridge, typing, “Whoever did it OWES ME 37p!!!” She will go to Janet’s leaving drinks to rinse the company bar t By 9pm, she will have bought a round (of extortionate overpriced craft spirits). By midnight she h will ill be in an Uber with a KFC family bucket and a Euromillions ticket, doing an ASOS haul on her phone. In the morning, she will w wake to find her Visa card in the sink, surrounded by defrosted peas…

Signed: (The Thrifty)

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WORDS LAUREN BRAVO. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES

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