• Author / Uploaded
• Rickard Gunnerfeldt

• Categories
• Naturaleza

Citation preview

conan theconvi ct pt. 1 thecatacom bsofephrai mka

bypaulw aggener

i ntroducti on Thei dea for “ Conan theConvi ct”was born from threethi ngs- one,a l i fel ong hatred ofbori ng cardi o/condi ti oni ng workouts,two,thebel i efthat a mentalconnecti on to thework i tsel fmademework harder,and three, therequest ofan i ncarcerated fri end to wri tea trai ni ng program for hi m to run wi th no equi pment i n hi s cel l . I deci ded,i nstead oftryi ng to entertai n my buddy i n hi s downti mewi th another l etter ofwhat I' d been up to that week,I' d usethetrai ni ng program to ful fi l lboth hi s need for entertai nment,and hi s need for a sol i d and demandi ng workout. I put thetwo thi ngs together,combi ned wi th theknowl edgeofboth my own and my fri end' sl oveofConan theBarbari an,to createthi s fi rst i nstal l ment ofConan theConvi ct- an obvi ous pl ay on the“ Convi ct Condi ti oni ng”phenomena- and dusted of fmy ol d copi es ofHoward' s Conan books ( thecoolwhi teones wi th theFrazetta covers)to wri tethi s out i n theform ofthoseol d“ ChooseY our Own Adventure”books weused to read as ki ds.Usi ng someofthestori es I found thereto i nform the“ pl ot”and wordi ng,I knocked thi s humbl eof feri ng out i n a day or two,and sent i t of fto my pal . Severalpeopl eexpressed an i nterest to check i t out,so I edi ted someof theexerci ses ( al lofwhi ch comes strai ght from ei ther theGym Jones basi c No Gear program- thanks to them for thei ri nspi rati on- or my own brai n.It' s pretty tough to do a whol el ot wi th bodywei ght work,but I' ve tri ed to mi xi t up a bi t)for thosewho arenot servi ng a mandatory vacati on wi th thegovernment ( i . e. ,box-jumps for “ bunk jumps”put i n runs i n di stancei nstead of“ run i n pl ace”or moreburpees),and sl apped i t together i n photoshop wi th somecoolart that I do not own any ofthe ri ghts to. Thi si s not for sal e,so i fanyonetri es to chargefor i t,makel i keConan and go crush them and hear thel amentati on ofthei r women.i ti si ntended as a begi nner/i ntermedi atebodywei ght workout program,whi ch wi l lbe conti nued and possi bl y haveexpansi ons i n whi ch wei ghts and other equi pment i s used. Pri nt i t out,sharewi th fri ends,send to your pal si n thejoi nt ( sharpi e out theti ts fi rst! ),whatever.It' s been a fun l i ttl eproject to work on.I hopeyou enjoy i t. -PaulWaggener,February 201 6.

In thi s fi l thy l i ttl etavern i n theunderbel l y ofShadi zar,obl i vi ous to the sounds ofcarousi ng,brawl i ng and womani zi ng around yoursel f,you si tstudyi ng themap you took of fthat Cori nthi an pi g.Hehad madethemi stakeofunderesti mati ng you. . . a mi stakethat no oneever makes morethan once.Thedealwas to go after thetreasuretrovetogether,but after he thought to makea run for i t hi msel f,and tri ed to ki l lyou i n your sl eep, you' d been forced to rel i vehi m ofboth hi s head,and themap. Thedetai l s on i ts surfacearehazy ,and i n thedi ml i ght ofthewi nesi nk, thebl uei nk on human l eather i s di f fi cul t to see.From Shadi zar the Wi cked,thepath l eads east,over theKevanki an mountai ns,then cuts south over themi ghty Y i uga i nto Turan,and from there,to thecoast ofthe Vi l ayet sea.Thei nked coursesnakes i ts way from thereto an unnamed i sl and,and a l arge“ X”i s set near a crudel y tattooed skul l . Hi phram-Koa,theStygi an wi zard who l egend says theski n oncebel onged to,had tattooed themap on hi msel fand marked i t wi th si gi l s,themeani ng ofwhi ch werecl ear onl y to hi m.Thestory went that hehad been murdered and ski nned by hi s own reti nueafter they al lwent mad somewhere on theedgeofthedesert on thesouthern border ofTuran.A ri tualgone wrong,or someother ef fect ofdabbl i ng i n theforbi dden bl ack arts.A chi l lruns down your spi neat thethought.

“ Crom!Thesewi zards and thei r ri tual s.Gi vemesteeland bl ood and wi ne and meat over i ncenseand devi l ry! ”As you fol d themap wi th scarred and weather roughened hands,thel ampl i ght di ms as a shadow casts i tsel f over your tabl e. “ Conan. . . ”thevoi cei s grati ng and carri es wi th i t a sul l en humor.Theman i t bel ongs to i s a hul ki ng beast,gol d tooth gl i nti ng behi nd hi s bl ack beard,facea mask offal sefri endl i ness.“ Thought you' d seen thel ast of Lasher Boaz,di d you?”Hi s massi vehand reaches for themap i n yours,the other hi dden behi nd hi s back,no doubt hol di ng thewi cked steelwi th whi ch hei s known to do hi s busi ness. “ Lasher,you Shemi tedog, ”you roar as you l eap to your feet and knock hi s hand asi de.“ I knew you' d fi nd your way out ofthat Hyrkani an dungeon to pl aguemeoncemore. ”“ T oni ght,I pl agueyou for thefi nalti me, Ci mmeri an, ”herasps.“ For thi s eveni ng,you spi l lyour l i fesbl ood on the di rt ofShadi zar! ”Wi th a grunt,hefl i ps thetabl etabl easi deas though i ti s a chi l d' s toy and charges you wi th hi s bl adeready . WORKOUT 1 :Lasher Boaz 3x20 Body Squat 3x1 0 Jump Squat 3x5 Tuck Jump then: 4x ( al lat 40 sec work/20 sec rest)pushups Rest 1mi n 4x Spl i t Jump Rest 1mi n 4x Burpee Rest 1mi n 2 rounds

Themel eei s a red bl ur ofmovement,madness and mayhem.Lasher' s kni fe madea fi nel atti cework on your torso whi l eyou pl ayed thedefensi ve, beforeyou brokehi s wri st for hi s troubl e.Even cri ppl ed,hesl ammed you through a tabl e,cracki ng a ri b,and brokeyour nosewi th a ri ght hand that camewi th too much speed for a man hi s si ze.Fi nal l y ,seei ng your opportuni ty as hedrew hi s breaths i n ragged gasps,a fei nt to thehead brought hi s hands hi gh,as you shot l ow.Gatheri ng al lyour power,you l i fted hi m of ftheground,and sl ammed hi m to thefl oor wi th crushi ng mi ght,dri vi ng thewi nd from hi sl ungs.A ri ght to theface,a l eft,then another hook madea rui n ofhi s jaw,and wi th theguard bei ng summoned, you fl ed i nto theni ght cl utchi ng themap wi th onehand and your broken ri b wi th theother. Thetown guard i s on your tai l ,possi bl y cal l ed i n by theowner ofthe tavern you just destroyed,or perhaps someofyour earl i er expl oi ts were reported.TheCori nthi an you ki l l ed had fri ends i n hi gh pl aces,and putti ng hi s head on thedoorsteps ofthebarracks mi ght havebeen pushi ng your l uck.Tucki ng themap i nto your bel t pouch,you urgeyour muscl es to work harder,runni ng,jumpi ng,pul l i ng yoursel fover wal land onto rooftops.Ifyou arecaught,therewi l lbeno mercy for a forei gn barbari an.

WORKOUT 2:Evadi ng theWatch 5x 1 -6 pul l -up l adder 45 mi nuterun wi th no stops

After evadi ng theguard al leveni ng,runni ng theal l eys and tangl ed nei ghborhoods ofShadi zar,your body exhausted and i njured,you fal li nto a fi tfulsl umber i n a hovelofan i nn,moreofa pi ti fulshack wi th some rags on thefl oor. Thetoothl ess ol d woman who runs theestabl i shment asks no questi ons as you fl i ng a handfulofcopper at her wi zened form and col l apseon the fl ea-ri dden bl ankets i n onecorner oftheroom. Someti mei n thebl ackness beforedawn,you areroughl y woken from sl umber by a boot crashi ng i nto your damaged ri b,and thesound ofchai nmai l ji ngl i ng and many l oud voi ces.Y ou havejust enough ti meto regi ster that you arebei ng bound by theci ty guardsmen beforea sword handl estri kes you sharpl y behi nd theear,and unconsci ousness drowns you i ni ts envel opi ng dark. Y ou awaken to thefeel i ng ofdul lachi ng i n your head,and thebl ood poundi ng behi nd your eyes.It takes a moment to real i zethat you aresuspended upsi dedown,a l ength ofropewound ti ghtl y around your feet,cutti ng of ftheci rcul ati on.Therei s no feel i ng there,but therest ofyour body i s a raw mess ofpai n and fati gue. Y ou takea qui ck survey ofthesi tuati on.It appears that you arei n smal l stonecel l ,wi th rotti ng straw coveri ng thefl oor,as wel las human shi t and an overturned metalbucket,whi ch seems to bethesourceofthe stench.Theheavy ,scarred wooden door has a smal lsl ot for food at the base,and an i ron wi ndow-pi eceat head hei ght,currentl y cl osed,and no doubt bol ted. Y our i mmedi ateconcern i s your feet.Therei s no way ofknowi ng how l ong you havehung thi s way , or how l ong thebl ood has been cut of f.Reachi ng aboveyour head,you fi nd you areno morethan a foot or so abovethefl oor,and wi th a groan,you push away from i t,and hol d for as l ong as possi bl e,then re-bui l d your strength,and repeat. After what seems an eterni ty ,agony sets i n as the bl ood begi ns to fi nd i ts way i nto thel ower parts ofyour l egs oncemore. WORKOUT 3:Suspended Upsi deDown Onehandstand pushup every 30 seconds for 50 mi nutes.

Wi th a trul y barbari c ef fort ofwi l l ,born oftheCi mmeri an wi nter,you manageto bri ng thefeel i ng back to your l ower extremi ti es,i n ti meto hear thejangl i ng ofkeys and l aughter outsi dethecel ldoor.Theportal swi ngs open and two jai l ers wal ki n sti l lchuckl i ng from thei r shared joke,no doubt at your expense. “ Feel i ng up to a meal ,barbari an?”thefi rst onesneers,hi s rat-l i ke faceaccentuated by thethi n mustacheon hi s hatchet-face.Thesecond,as fat as thefi rst i s thi n,gl oats at you from thedoorway .Rat and toad, you thi nk to yoursel f,eyei ng thethi n onewi th naked vi ol encei n your eyes as heapproaches.Rat-facestands near enough that al lyou can see arehi s boots and shi ns.“ Eat up,scum, ”hesni ckers,and a thi n stream of watery gruelspl atters thefl oor i n front ofhi m.Thi s onehas underesti mated you,as wel l . Oneofyour thi ck arms shoots out,si news and l ean muscl es knotti ng up as your hand enci rcl es hi s sl i m cal fl i kea manacl e,thecrushi ng gri p el i ci ti ng a scream ofangui sh from hi m as you yank hard,bri ngi ng hi m crashi ng to thefl oor and towards you,both hands now pul l i ng hi m i nward l i kea rag dol l ,pummel i ng hi m wi th onefi st as hestruggl es i nef fectual l y agai nst your strength. As Rat' s head nears you,T oad begi ns ai mi ng bl ows at your head and torso wi th hi s wooden cudgel ,but you feelno pai n,overcomewi th a berserker rageat your captors.Both hands bri ng Rat-face' s heath towards your own,and wi th a savagesnap ofjaws,hi s throat tears open,cri mson bl ood sprayi ng your faceas hegurgl es. Y ou fl ex and strai n your massi vel egs agai nst therope,and i t snaps wi th a sati sfyi ng pop.Y ou rol l ,on your feet i n an i nstant as T oad pani cs,and spi ns to fl ee.Y our hand snatches themetalbucket and whi ps i t at theback ofhi s head,spl i tti ng a gash and fl i ngi ng human fi l th i n onemoti on.T ackl i ng hi mi nto thehal l way ,your fi sts beat hi s facei nto a gory rui n,and oneshatteri ng stomp ofyour foot fi ni shes thework that your hands began.Casti ng a gl anceabout you,and heari ng theal arm bei ng sounded,you tear down thehal l way ,abandoni ng your gear and once agai n on therun. WORKOUT 4:Out oftheDungeon 1 0 mi nuterun then: 5x1mi nuteal lout spri nt ( 4 mi nuterest between) then: Run 1 5 mi nutes

WORKOUT 5:Leavi ng thewi cked ci ty Run 60 mi nutes at an easy pace. Fol l ow wi th a REST DAY . It has been two days si nceyou fl ed theci ty ofShadi zar.After steal i ng a horseand provi si ons from themarketpl ace,you madeyour way out i nto theharsh sun and dry dunes surroundi ng theWi cked Ci ty ,maki ng for an oasi s you haveuti l i zed as a campsi tei n thepast.A day ofwatchfulrest and eati ng has madethewounded ri b tol erabl e,and al ready thekni fecuts from thehand ofLasher Boaz havebecomethi ck and scabbed over. Wi th no weapons,food runni ng l ow,and onl y your pouch ofessenti al s and themap to your desti nati on,you set out across thedesert for theKezanki an Moutai ns,hopi ng to reconnect wi th a pi eceofyour past and avoi d thebandi ts who frequent theregi on l i kevul tures,setti ng themsel ves on any who show a si gn ofweakness. T owards dusk,thesmel lofsmokeand thetel l -tal egl ow ofa not-so-di stant fi redraw your attenti on,and you di smount,not wanti ng to begi ve up theadvantageand al ert whoever i t mi ght beto your presence.Sl i nki ng through thedeepeni ng shadows,you run a reconnai ssancemi ssi on on the camp. WORKOUT 6:bandi t camp 3x20 Ai r Squat 3x1 0 Jump Squat 4x5 Tuck Jump then: 20x spl i t jump each si de 50m bear crawl Fi veRounds Rest 2 mi nutes 20x Frog Jump 40m Bear Crawl Four Rounds Rest 2 mi nutes 20x Burpee 30m Bear Crawl four rounds

Theencampment i s a group ofZamoran bandi ts,as you suspected.What you weren' t counti ng on i s who i sl eadi ng them.Unmi stakabl y si l houetted agai nst thedyi ng sun,hands on her wi desensuous hi ps,i s Moreana, your former confi dant and l over when you reaved thesel ands wi th your own band ofoutl aws,whi ch thi s crew seems to betheremnants of. Dueto theci rcumstances ofyour separati on, you cannot foolyoursel fi nto bel i evi ng shewi l lbehappy to seeyou. Summoni ng al lyour bravado and presence,you stri dei nto thefi rel i ght unarmed wi th an ai r ofcompl eteconfi dence. “ Up,you dogs!Up,Zamoran curs!I am hereto bri ng you al lto justi ce and seeyour necks i n a noose! ”Y ou roar,ki cki ng about yoursel fat l oungi ng forms as you do so.Men l eap to theready ,grabbi ng for weapons,crouchi ng i nto fi ghti ng stances,someshaki ng wi neaddl ed heads and bl i nki ng stupi dl y at thescenebeforethem.Moreana whi ps her head about at thesound ofyour voi ce,ampl echest heavi ng and strai ni ng agai nst theski n ti ght l eather bodi cethat does moreto accentuatethan conceal her curves,her eyes fl ashi ng wi th anger.“ Sei zethetrai torous barbari an! ”

WORKOUT 7:Zamoran Bandi t Camp Warm up wi th Squat,Si tup,Push-up,Deck Squat. Then: 1 00x Squat 90sec pl ank 90x Pushup 90sec pl ank 80x Pul l -up 90sec pl ank 70x Si t-up 90sec pl ank 60x Burpee 90sec pl ank

Thefi rst onehi ts you l i kea thundercl ap,then therearetwo,three,four Zamoran cutthroats al lout for bl ood.Y our fi rst punch stri kes thefi rst i n themouth harder than a hammer bl ow,knocki ng hi m cl ear of fhi s feet at a dead run,short sci mi tar fl yi ng from hi sl i mp fi ngers through theai r. Everythi ng sl ows,thebattl evi si on takes over- your outstretched hand meets therough shark-ski n wrap on thesci mi tar handl eas theZamoran hi ts theground pol e-axed.Y ou duck as thenext man' s keen bl adewhi stl es just overhead,your arm on conti nuous moti on from catchi ng thebl adeto openi ng hi s guts- at thesameti me,your l eg l ashes out and breaks a heavyset bandi t' sl eg just abovetheknee.Hescreams as hefal l s,but the thi rd i s al ready on you- you' veconti nued your forward moti on,droppi ng your l evell ow,and as heswi ngs hi s bl ade,your shoul der catches hi m squarei n thefl oati ng ri bs.They crack as hetumbl es over you,and your bl adesl ashes ri ght,severi ng another man' s hand at thewri st.Wi ne-dark bl ood fountai ns forth,and as you swi ng your bl adeagai n,you pul lshort, l ooki ng i nto thefi ery eyes ofMoreana. Thi s ti me,i ti s you who' vemadethemi stake.Sheshows no such mercy ,and her dagger cuts a red arc across your upper bel l y as you l eap back,howl i ng wi th pai n and rage.“ Damn you,Conan! ”Shespi ts theword l i kea curse.“ Y ou thi nk you can just wal k back i n hereafter what you di d?”Her attacks arecomi ng fast and feroci ous,steelri ngi ng of fsteelas you backpedal ,sweat spri ngi ng out on your brow and arms.Parry ,return, bl ock,duck,parry hard. Shei s merci l ess,but her bl ows arecomi ng sl ower as shepants.Crom!She i s beauti ful . . . perhaps even ai ded by her anger,her bl ack hai r wi l d and fl owi ng untamed down her naked back,short l eather breeches ti ght on wel l muscl ed thi ghs,sandalstraps l ashed hi gh abovetheknee.“ Enough ofthi s, ” you roar,as another Zamoran joi ns thefray . Qui ckl y ,you bul l -rush thesmal l er outl aw,deal i ng a short el bow just abovethemouth,fol l owed by a headbutt to thetempl e.Hecol l apses.Moreana steps i n to dri vea kni fehome,and i s caught i n your i ron embrace, theai r crushed out ofher i mmedi atel y ,feet of ftheground ki cki ng ever moreweakl y as shestruggl es for breath that wi l lnot come. Wi th onehand,you keep thesword i n front ofyou,and wi th theother wrapped around her sl i m wai st,you squeeze.Thekni ves drop from her hands as shefeebl y beats agai nst your chest.“ Damn you,woman,enough,I say! ”Y ou meet her eyes and thefi retherei s not al lfrom anger.TheZamorans stand at bay ,cowed by thedi spl ay ofbl oody death and vi ol enceyou haveshown i n meremoments.

Moreana stops stri ki ng your chest.“ Damn you,barbari an, ”shesays agai n,but her voi cei s thi ck wi th l ust that shows now strongl yi n her eyes.Her red l i ps part,and thi s ti metheembracei s passi onate,not vi ol ent. Outl aws forgotten,shel eads you urgentl y to her pavi l i on,banners fl yi ng aboveofa skel eton on a bl ack fi el d dri nki ng from a cup of bl ood.Shepushes you down on thevel vet cushi ons and ti ger furs.“ Now, barbari an,you must show methat you sti l lremember how to do more than just ki l l . ” Shestri ps of fher l eathers to reveala perfectl y tanned body beneath, muscl ed but soft wheresheshoul d be,ri ngs hangi ng from coralni ppl es set hi gh on round,fi rm breasts.“ Ifyou can sti l lfuck l i keyou fi ght,I wi l lhaveyou by my si deagai n, ”shebreathes,l ayi ng back on thepi l l ows. Y ou l augh roughl y ,cal l oused hands runni ng possessi vel y over her form. “ There' s onl y onethi ng I do as wel las dealdeath.Y ou' vebeen l yi ng too l ong wi th theseZamoran eunuchs.I' l lremi nd you ofhow i t feel s to be wi th a man. ” WORKOUT 8:Moreana' s Chal l enge 5 mi nuteburpeeAMRAP ( 1 00 burpees i s thegoal .Don' t bea Zamoran eunuch! )

Upon waki ng thefol l owi ng day ,you takea l ong swi mi n theoasi s,washi ng thedi rt and gri meofyour travel s of f.As you exi t thewaters,you seea wel lmuscl ed cutthroat eyei ng you from shoreas hefi l l s hi s waterski ns.Thehatred i n hi s eyes i s pl ai n. WORKOUT 9:Oasi s 60 mi nutejog or swi m Deci di ng to fami l i ari zeyoursel fwi th themen and establ i sh domi nance, you begi n to put them through a trai ni ng regi men.Somearesul l en,but after thecommand ofMoreana,they compl y ,and you makethem work hard under thebl azi ng sun,honi ng thei r swordsmanshi p,enduranceand strength.Theman from theoasi s,Al i sar,can beseen tal ki ng wi th fri ends duri ng theday .A younger bandi t tel l s you thi si s Al i sar, Moreana' sl over beforeyou returned,and that hewi l lno doubt try to ki l lyou as soon as possi bl e. WORKOUT 1 0:T rai ni ng Wi th theMen 8x ( 20sec work/1 0sec Rest)Squat 8x ( 20sec work/1 0sec Rest)Push-up 8x ( 20sec work/1 0sec Rest)Si t-up 8x ( 20sec work/1 0sec Rest)Deck Squat 8x ( 20sec work/1 0sec Rest)Burpee Rest 1mi n between each 4 mi nuteBl ock T akea REST DAY .

It i s not l ong beforeyou arerestl ess to moveonward,east towards Arenjun and theKevanki an range,wherethemap' s dotted bl uel i nethen turns south from Zaugi r pass. Most ofthemen areal ready as l oyalto you as they ever wi l lbe,ei ther i nti mi dated and fearfulor i n open admi rati on,and you tel lthem around thefi reyou wi l lmakethem ri ch rai di ng weal thy merchant' s wagon trai ns out ofArenjun. Thei dea entertai ns you,and Moreana' s company i s as i ntoxi cati ng as the wi nefrom Khi taithat you dri nk i n her bed every ni ght after maki ng her sweat and moan and beg.Y ou areal so i nterested to seei fyour ol d comrades sti l lhaunt thefoothi l l s oftherange,now l ed by a hi l l man named Bakhad,i fany ofthem aresti l lal i veor evaded theArenjun mi l i tary thi s l ong.Hard men,totalscum dri ven onl y by thel oveofdeath,conquest and gol d- your ki nd ofmen. Camp i s broken and you ri deout at thehead oftheband wi th Moreana ri di ng to your l eft.It i s perhaps a threedays ri deto thefoothi l l s of theKevanki an Mountai ns,and i ti s hot and uneventful .Y our gazenever strays l ong from Al i sar,nor hi s from you.Thethi rd day ,you deci deyou wi l ltakehi m and few others to scout theroads toward Arenjun. Leavi ng thehorses wi th therest,you set out on foot toward thehi l l s overl ooki ng theci ty . WORKOUT 1 1 :Scouti ng Arenjun 3 mi l es easy pace Onceoverl ooki ng theroads l eadi ng i nto theci ty ,you deci deto test Al i sar by scal i ng your way out al ong someofthecl i f ffaces to seehow hi s mettl ehol ds up. WORKOUT 1 2:Cl i f fCl i mbi ng Pul l -up Ladder 5x 1 -6 Jog 1 . 5 mi l es

TheZamorans makea good showi ng ofthemsel ves,and oncei n posi ti on on thebl uf fs,you takea l i ght l unch,keepi ng an eyeon thetraf fi c out ofthe ci ty .It i s not l ong beforeyou mark a wagon trai n heavi l yl aden wi th goods and a reasonabl yl i ght guard maki ng i ts way sl owl y out oftheci ty , l i kel y bound for Shadi zar to thewest.Al lofyou sharea meani ngful gl ance,and begi n therun back to camp. WORKOUT 1 3:Run to Camp 3 mi l ePR run After returni ng to camp,you begi n barki ng commands,and readyi ng the men for an ambush on thewagon trai n.Al lgather thei r weapons,mount up on thei rl i ght desert steeds and fol l ow as you ri deout over theharsh terrai n to head thewagon of fat a pri mel ocati on.T wo hours l ater,you and twenty-odd Zamoran bri gands areastri deyour mounts at a stretch of theroad wi th steep rocks to both si des.Y ou havecomei n at a steep sl ope ofsandstoneshal e,out ofsi ght oftheapproachi ng merchant wagons due to a fortunatebend i n theroad.An outl aw' s dream for an ambush. As thefi rst wagon rol l s sl owl yi nto si ght,you gi vetheorder and the horses spri ng i nto acti on,chargi ng down thesl opeto cut of fthewagons progress.At thesameti me,an answeri ng shout ri ngs out from around the bend,si gnal i ng that your other men haveattacked from therear,and sounds ofchaos and battl eensuefrom that di recti on. Y our men engagewi th fury and frenzy ,hacki ng down guardsmen wi th savage joy .As you wadei nto thecarnageas wel l ,bl ood al ready up to your el bows,swi ngi ng wi th thepower offi vemen through chai nmai lhauberk and steelhel m,your gl ance i s taken by a si ght at therear ofthe caravan.El i teguardsmen comefrom out of nowherearechargi ng your men, outnumberi ng you now two to one. Someofthewagons must havebeen decoys,housi ng sol di ers i nsi dei nstead ofgoods. Crom!A trap!

WORKOUT 1 4:Caravan Ambush Warm up wi th Squat ,Si tup ,Push-up ,Deck Squat ,etc Then: 8x ( 20sec work/1 0sec Rest)Squat 8x ( 20sec work/1 0sec Rest)Push-up 8x ( 20sec work/1 0sec Rest)Si t-up 8x ( 20sec work/1 0sec Rest)Deck Squat 8x ( 20sec work/1 0sec Rest)Burpee Rest 1mi n between each 4 mi nuteBl ock Then: CoolDown Note: Do al ltheabove“ Hel lStyl e”( i . e.Rest i s not actual l y rest) Rest for Squat i n bottom ofSquat,thi ghs paral l elto fl oor Rest for Push-up i n Forward Leani ng Rest Rest for Si t-up wi th strai ght l egs el evated,feet about 6”of ffl oor Rest for Deck Squat i n Wrestl er’ s Bri dge Rest for Burpee,1 st 4 i nterval si n Forward Leani ng Rest,2nd 4 i nterval si n Squat

Somewhereduri ng thefi ght,your horsei s ki l l ed.Y ou arenearl yi nsane wi th thi rst,bl oodl ust and fati gueas your men di el i kefl i es around you i n thecanyon. Covered i n thegoreofmorethan a dozen,you havebeen wounded nearl y that many ti mes as wel l ,chai nmai lhangi ng i n rui n,boneexposed on knuckl eand cheekbone,bl ood runni ng freel y from severalother gashes. It di ml y regi sters that thefew men who havesurvi ved theonsl aught are fl eei ng thecanyon now,and you haveno choi cebut to do thesame. Buryi ng your sword i n a guardsman' s ri bcage,i t hol ds fast and your weari ed muscl es cannot tear i t free.T wo moreapproach gri ml y ,spattered i n thei chor ofyour men.Y ou can seeexhausti on but determi nati on i n thei r eyes as they comecl oser,and down thecanyon from them,another handfulhaveexecuted moreofyour troops and areheaded thi s way . “ Comeon then,you fucki ng swi ne, ”you growlthrough gri tted teeth,and wi th what strength remai ns,you hurlyoursel fat thetwo cl osest,hand snatchi ng a spear from theground as you do so and fl i ngi ng i t wi th power sel dom seen by thoserai sed i n thesoft southern l ands. A Ci mmeri an was bred to throw spears at thegreat cavebears who make thei r homei n thehi gh mountai ns ofthat unforgi vi ng l and!Thespear fl i es true,goi ng through jaw and faceofthefi rst sol di er,pi nni ng hi m to thesi deofa wagon,twi tchi ng.Y ou tackl ethesecond,who i s taken by surpri seofthesheer speed and feroci ty shown by a man hethought worn down and nearl y beaten.Oh,so wrong. Hehi ts theground beneath your consi derabl ewei ght,arms pi nned at hi s si deby your own.Theother sol di ers arefast approachi ng.“ A qui ck death for you,Zamoran, ”you l augh,as your ri ght hand snatches the dagger from hi s bel t and pl ungei t through hi s eye. Then up,l i ghtni ng qui ck,and you run for themouth ofthecanyon wi th thespeed and agi l i ty ofa mountai nl i on.

Moreana i s among thosewho escaped,as soon as shesaw from her rearai med attack that a rusewas made.A l ong gash on her head bound up wi th si l ken cl oth from her sheets.“ A fi nepl an,barbari an, ”shespi ts,al l fi reand rage.“ Onl y ei ght ofmy men remai n!Perhaps I shoul d havekept Al i sar for my paramour and tacti ci an- weweredoi ng wel lenough before you showed your faceagai n! ” Al i sar sat wi th theothers,hol di ng thewreckageofhi sl eft hand wi th hi s ri ght,fi ngers mi ssi ng at odd l engths from a sword that had sl i pped past theguard ofhi s own.Hewas pal e,and cl earl y fi l l ed wi th a col d anger.Thi nki ng qui ckl y beforethosewho werel eft can turn agai nst you, you l ay out a pl an to head strai ght i nto theKevanki an Mountai ns,where you haveol d comrades who can bol ster your numbers and gi veyou a pl aceto shel ter whi l etheArenjun sol di ers search thehi l l s for you. Theothers havel i ttl echoi cebut to agree,and battered,wi nded and wounded,you set out for themountai ns. WORKOUT 1 5:Escapeto theMountai ns Run,jog,wal k 6 mi l es REST DA

After reachi ng theKevanki ans i t soon becomes cl ear that al ltheol d hi deouts that you onceknew i n thearea havel ong been abandoned.Y ou set out for thel ast oneyou remember,wi th theeyes oftheothers on you i n mi strust and growi ng i nsubordi nati on. Moreana has not spoken to you much si ncethebattl ei n thecanyon,and her head wound has l eft her feveri sh and weak.Reachi ng theol d cave whereyou and Bakhad and your men used to shel ter beforerai di ng i nto thel owl ands,theZamorans mutter and makesi gns ofwardi ng on themsel ves. Casti ng your gl anceto thecavemouth,you can seel argesi gi l s pai nted on thestonewi th bl ack pi tch,cursed symbol s oftheforbi dden arts,spi deri ng thei r way menanci ngl y al ong thenaked rock.Y our spi neti ngl es at thesi ght ofthem,thei r evi land power apparent even to theuni ni ti ated. T wo pol es areset outsi dethecaveentrance,and on them arehuman skul l s wi th fi vepoi nted stars pai nted on them,thecasti ng thei r gapi ng eye sockets accusi ngl y at theheavens.Bi ts ofbl ackened rags ti ed to the posts fl utter i n thebreeze.Somefl esh and hai r sti l lcl i ng to theskul l s, and you recogni zethel ong beard wi th red ri bbon ti ed i ni t as bel ongi ng to Bakhad.

Di smounti ng,you approach thecavemouth as themen cast fearfulgl ances about themseves.Moreana sways on her steed,l ooki ng del i ri ous.“ Thi s i s thepl an,eh barbar?”Sneers Al i sar,hi s ri ght hand maki ng an obscene gesturetowards you.“ I am short threefi ngers and al lmy pati ence. ” Ignori ng hi m,you makeyour way toward thecave,drawi ng your sci mi tar,thesharkski n handl ea comforti ng presenceagai nst theunknown chaos ofsorcery . As you approach thecave,a l ow droneemanates from i t,a hol l ow sound ofpuredesol ati on.Al lthehai r on your body stands on end at theunhol y note,and i t reverberates through thecanyon for what seems l i keone endl ess moment. At thecaveentranceappears a form ofi mpossi bl esi ze,nearl y ei ght feet tal l ,ski n as bl ack as thejungl es ofZi mbabwe,cl ad onl yi n a whi tewrap around hi sl oi ns and a heavy i ron col l ar at hi s neck,themuscl es of whi ch stood out l i kei ron cords.Hi s massi veframei s covered everywhere i n thi ck scarri ng,branded si gi l s that seem to warp themi nd.Hi s mouth i s open,from whi ch thedroni ng sound comes,but no tonguecan beseen i nsi de,and hi s eyesockets aredeep pi ts,wi th no orbs therei n. Scrabbl i ng sounds can beheard from thesurroundi ng stones,l i kea draggi ng ofsti cks over dry l eaves,and fi gures begi n to emergefrom the cracks and crevi ces,emaci ated,whi teas chal k,marked wi th symbol sl i ke thegi ant,thedead bodi es ofyour former comrades gi ven a l i fethat i s not l i fe.No ti mefor terror.Onl y vi ol ence! WORKOUT 1 6:TheBl ack Gi ant 3x20 Squat 3x1 0 Pushup 3x5 Pul l -up Then: Pul l -up Burpee Squat Si t-up HSPU 1 0-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1reps ofeach

Theki l l i ng begi ns beforeyou can thi nk- thepal ecorpses begi n rendi ng thefew Zamorans that survi ve.Moreana sl umps usel essl yi n her saddl eas thewhi teshambl i ng bodi es tear i nto her men wi th thei r exposed,spl i ntered fi ngerbones.Thegi ant moves swi ftl y ,wi th purpose,bel yi ng hi s si ze and apparent l ack ofsi ght.Thehugemacei n hi s hand i s madeofbl ack i ron,spi ked precari ousl y and heswi ngs i tl i kea toy . Y ou areforced i mmedi atel y to thedefensi ve,rol l i ng and l eapi ng to avoi d thepowerfulbl ows that stri kes sparks and shards from thestones where i t connects. Hi s si l encei s perhaps themost unnervi ng thi ng ofal l .Not a grunt,or a curseescapes hi s thi ck,cracked l i ps.Hemerel y conti nues swi ngi ng,checki ng,bl ocki ng,advanci ng,reposi ti oni ng.Thesounds ofcombat arearound you sti l l ,meani ng someoftheZamorans at l east survi ve,and as you carel essl y ri sk a gl anceover your shoul der,themacecomes down hard,and you bri ng thesci mi tar up barel yi n ti meto bl ock thebl ock- i ts bl ade shatters near themi ddl e,onepi eceburyi ng i n your shoul der- themace scores a gl anci ng bl ow on your ri ght thi gh,whi ch i s enough to makethe l eg go numb and your step fal ters. Thegi ant snatches at you wi th hi s of fhand,and you recoi l ,fear gi vi ng your l i mbs strength.Y ou jump back,spi n,run at thestone,takea few rapi d steps up i t,and twi st as you l eap,turni ng back towards thegi ant and swi ngi ng thefragmented bl adewi th al lyour mi ght at thehead ofthe gi ant.Y our dari ng maneuver succeeds! Thebroken sword cuts a deep furrow from thetop oftheskul l ,down across thegi ant' s face,spl i tti ng l i ps and l eavi ng teeth exposed i na ghastl y channelofbl ood and bone.Thegi ant staggers and fal ters backward,and you press theattack furi ousl y ,swi ngi ng thesword l i kea man possessed,sl ashi ng bel l y ,hi p,chest and throat- a dozen gruesomewounds l ai d open wi de,reveal i ng fat and muscl eand ri vers ofbl ood! Thebl ack menacesl ows,sways,toppl es,and you areon hi m stabbi ng the neck and facesavagel y wi th theremai ns ofthebl ade.Even i n hi s dyi ng ti me,thegi ant enci rcl es you wi th two great arms and begi ns to crush the l i fefrom you as heconvul ses i n thedeath-dance.Hi s strength i si mmense. Y our back pops di sturbi ngl y ,bl ows sti l lrai ni ng down from your ri ght hand.No ai r.No breath.Y our vi si on fogs red,then bl ackness encroaches from theedges.A fi nalstab through thethroat,upward,i nto thebrai n. Y ou know no more.

Awakeni ng,you aresti l li n thedeath embraceofthedead gi ant.There i s no si gn ofany oftheZamorans,and Moreana i s goneas wel l .Y ou separateyoursel ffrom your foe' s carcass and l ook gri ml y for any si gn you can fol l ow.Y ou who tracked mammoth across thesteppes ofV anahei m wi l lfi nd your prey at any cost!Thetrai ll eads upward,deeper i nto the Kevanki ans i n thegatheri ng dusk. WORKOUT 1 7:T racki ng theDead Mi l eand a hal frun then: 20 wal ki ng l unges 20 bear crawlpushups 20 squats 5 rounds From hereon,thereareno moreREST DAYS.Theremai nder ofthi sl eg ofthestory i s gruel i ng and Conan i s on no sl eep wi th onl y hi s broken sword and no food or water.Thel east you can do i s gi vetheworkouts your al l - Moreana may sti l lbeal i ve!

Thetrai ll eads you for two days up i nto themountai ns.Thetrai li s treacherous,but thebl ood dropl ets and newl y turned rocks assureyou that you areon theri ght track.On thesecond day i tl eads to an omi nous yawni ng openi ng i n therock on a hi gh outcroppi ng wherethewi nd whi ps savagel y at your ski n. Morethan l i kel y ,al laredead,i ncl udi ng Moreana.But your barbari an codeofhonor,moreri gi d than themen ofthesun drenched south woul d ever understand,requi res that you seethi s through to theend.Y ou have not sl ept i n days,and thefati guei s setti ng i nto your bones. Pushi ng thoughts ofweakness asi de,you fashi on a makeshi ft torch from a boneand somerags outsi dethecavemouth and venturei nsi de,hol di ng therui ned sword i n front ofyou.Thepassage-way soon becomes l ess rough,fashi oned by human hands,wi th skul l s set i nto thestoneat regul ar i nterval s. Therei s wri ti ng carved i nto therock,and scenes ofpri mi ti veburi al ri tes.At second gl ancethey appear to benot ofburi al s,but ofthedead bei ng brought back to l i feby a fi gurewho features i n each ofthecarvi ngs.Abovehi s head i n many l anguages i s wri tten a name,and i n newer l etteri ng reads i n a form ofZamoran “ EPHRAIM-KA. ” Y ou utter a curseon al lwi zards,and conti nueas thepassagesl opes downward,i ts wal l sl i t by a fai nt l umi nescenceal l owi ng you to abandon your torch as i t burns l ow.Thecorri dor opens abruptl yi nto a room carved i n an octagonalshape,wi th threesarcophagistandi ng upri ght at thesi des and center. They areel aboratel y carved wi th an unfami l i ar l anguage,and as you enter theroom,thei rl i ds open.Insi dearethreewi thered bodi es,cl othed i n a fashi on thi s worl d has not seen for mi l l eni a,armored wi th ceremoni albreastpl ates and hol di ng curved bronzen khopesh i n thei r hands, gi l ded crowns on thei r anci ent brows. As thel i ds open,a feel i ng ofdread descends upon theroom,an undescri beabl esensati on ofutter doom.Thefi gures i n thecof fi ns crack and rustl eas they freethemsel ves from thei r sl umber,and movetoward you wi th speed and purpose. WORKOUT 1 8:TheSol di ers ofEphrai m-Ka. Al lexerci ses done40 seconds on,20 seconds of f, run through theenti rethi ng 6 ti mes. Jumpi ng Jacks Mountai n Cl i mbers Jump Squats Burpees Handstand Pushups

Y ou react i mmedi atel y ,chargi ng headl ong i nto theroom,ki cki ng the fi rst sarcophagus cl osed on i ts occupant and toppl i ng i t over,l i d down,ef fecti vel y trappi ng therevenant i nsi de.Faci ng theother two, and fi ghti ng back therevul si on at thi s dark sorcery ,you attack! Thefi gures arequi ck,thei rl eather ski rts and l acquered armor sti l l bri ght and col orful ,a sharp contrast to thei r brown,dessi cated fl esh. A storm ofbl ades ensues,theonl y sound your l abored breathi ng and steelri ngi ng on steelas you answer thei r bl ows wi th your own. As you defl ect a stri keand ai m a si del ong chop at oneofthem,thebl ow stri kes an angl eon thebreastpl ateand gl ances upward,severi ng the thi n chai n oftheghoul ' s crown. As i t fal l s to thefl oor,therei s a si ghi ng sound,and theundead sol di er col l apses,hi s armor and body decayi ng beforeyour eyes.The sword i s sti l lsound,however,and you rol lfrom a swi ft strokefrom theother,snatchi ng up theanti quebronzesword as you do so,and set i nto theother i n earnest.Now on even footi ng,thi s wretch i s no match for your Ci mmeri an mi ght and ski l l . An arm fal l s,severed at theel bow,and thehead soon fol l ows,thedessi cated corpsecol l apsi ng i nto dust on thefl oor. “ Even thedead may di e, ”you growlas you survey your handi work bri efl y ,beforetaki ng thenext passageway .

Y ou wal k through corri dors marked wi th hi deous symbol s,cross bri dges that span underground ri vers,and enter i nto a vast cavethat i s carved i nto a courtroom,feel i ng for al ltheworl dl i kea subterranean pal acegri m and si l ent,not havi ng heard thevoi ces ofl i vi ng courti ers for aeons. As you wal k up thesteps that l ead to themassi vedai s,you hear a di stant cry reverberatefrom somewherepast thethrone,and seea doorway i n therear wal lofthecavern,thefaceofwhi ch must span somehundred feet hi gh,worked wi th col umns and scrol l work by cunni ng hands.Stri di ng up thestai rs,a gong sounds l oudl y ,thenoi seseemi ng bl asphemous to thi s qui et throneroom.From beneath themassi vethrone,forms crawl l i kepal ejackal s,thei r ski n draggi ng across thestone. Y ou gazei n horror at what wereoncechi l dren,recentl y ki l l ed by whatever dread servants ofEphrai m-Ka servehi s wi shes- ghastl y wounds coveri ng thei r bodi es,thei r eyes torn from thei r heads l i ketheZi mbabwean gi ant you ki l l ed i n thepass.Somedrag thei r shattered bodi es toward you, mi ssi ng thel ower hal ves ofthei r bodi es,entrai l s sweepi ng theground behi nd them;others arequi cker,swarmi ng as deathl yl ocusts hungry for your l i vi ng fl esh.Y ou begi n thegri sl y work wi th speed and horror dri vi ng your bl ows,and l ay wasteto them l i kereapi ng a fi el d ofwheat. WORKOUT 1 9:TheDamned Chi l dren 35 Burpees 2 mi nutepl ank 25 box jumps 20 pushups 1 0 pul l ups 5 rounds

Thenow-sti l lbodi es ofsmal lboys and gi rl sl ay strewn about you,yours covered i n thei r bl ood and i chor.Seei ng thechi l dren mangl ed and torn fi l l s you wi th a burni ng rageto send whatever devi li s responsi bl edown to thedeepest pi t oftheseven hel l s wherehebel ongs.

Y ou chargefor thedoorway and makeyour way down a hal ldraped wi th bl ack cl oth tapestri es,upon whi ch arescenes ofdi abl eri eand depravi ty , al lpresi ded over by thefi gureofEphrai m-Ka,crowned and robed,scepter i n hand. A stonedoor,parti al l y ajar bl ocks your progress,and you set yoursel fagai nst i t and strai n your taxed muscl es to wherethey feelthey wi l lburst.Thevei ns and si new on your neck stands out l i kea bul l ' s,sandal ed feet pawi ng at thestonefl oor for purchase,every fi ber ofyour body thrown i nto thetask at hand.Sl owl y ,al most i mpercepti bl y ,thedoor groans, and begi ns to gi vei nward on whatever hi dden hi nges i t hangs from. Thesceneon theother si dei s somethi ng out ofa ni ghtmare.A l arge, squareroom,ornatel y decorated,brazi ers burni ng wi th an eeri el i ght and fouli ncense,pl aces about thechamber. Thecenter oftheroom i s a rai sed ,on whi ch stands theel ongated,emaci ated form ofEphrai m-Ka,crowned wi th an el aborateheadpi eceon whi ch two serpents fi ght for domi nanceas they wrap around a skel etalform.Hi s arms arerai sed toward thecei l i ng,i n onehand a scepter madeofhuman femur boneand i nl ai d wi th jade,and i n theother,a l ong sl ender dagger, wi th a bl adeofjet bl ack obsi di an.It gl ows wi th an unhol y green l i ght, whi ch i s cast over thenudeform wri thi ng on theal tar i tsel f,sl i ck wi th sweat,but sti l lbeauti fuland l i the- Moreana! Her bl ack hai r spi l l s from theal tar,and shecri es out i n a mi xtureofecstasy and pai n- a sound you know wel l .Nothi ng seems to bi nd her to the al tar but whatever i nfl uencei s bei ng exerted upon her by thenecromancer l ord hi msel f.As you approach wi th fury ,a form you took to bea statue breaks freefrom thewal land i ntercepts your path. A creatureofpurehorror,al lbl ack tattered cl oth and ri bcage,atop whi ch sets a head whi ch seems to betheskul lofsomeforgotten beast,goat-l i ke wi th great spi ral i ng horns.In i ts bony hands,a reapi ng scythe,swi ngi ng at you wi th theswi ftness ofa sudden wi nd.

WORKOUT 20:Chamber Guardi an Deck Squats 1mi nute Tuck Jumps 1mi nute rest 30 seconds Burpees 1mi nute Squat Jumps 1mi nute rest 30 seconds Pushups 1mi nute Pul l ups 1mi nute rest 30 seconds 2 rounds, then: 5 mi nuteBurpeeAMRAP

Y our battl ewi th thi s abomi nati on i s oneofl egend.Y ou war across the chamber,scatteri ng brazi ers,coal s fl yi ng across thefl oor,catchi ng tapestri es afl ame.Stri keafter stri kel ands on thebeast,to defl ect or gl anceof fboneas hard as rock,whi l eyou useevery ounceofski l land agi l i ty to avoi d that ti rel ess reapi ng tool . Theroom i s ful l y afl ame,smokefrom both noxi ous i ncenseand burni ng tapestry obscuri ng thevi si on and maki ng your eyes tear.Over al lthe noi seofcombat,thesorceror' s voi cerol l s,a conti nuous chanti ng i na hi gh pi tched tonguethat seems to i nfect themi nd. Moreana' s wai l s havebecomescreams,and as you conti nueyour battl e,the smokebegi ns to takeon forms out ofa madman' s fever dream.T entacl es ofgreen-hued smokeembracetheroom and undul ate,spi ral i ng maws of purechaos swal l ow you whol eand l eaveyour sweat col d on your body . Sheer pani ci s gri ppi ng you,your heart beats l i kea hammer i n a forge, faster,faster,faster.Thebeast seems to grow i n si zeand strength the l onger you battl ehi m.Thesmokei s teari ng at your l ungs l i kea cl awed hand. Thesmoke. . . thesmoke! Suddenl y ,you remember heari ng a story i n some wi ne-si nk i n Cori nth ofa bl end ofl eaves and powders used by sorcerors ofol d to warp themi nd,to createmadness i n thewaki ng man,vi si ons of aweand fear.Y our anger consumes you.How darethi s cur attempt to take your very mentalfacul ti es away from you wi th hi s hated wi thceri es?! Y our rageburns- your focus i s supreme.Thevi si ons sear away l i kea pi eceofparchment caught i n candl efl ame.A strai ght ki ck to theri bcage oftheni ghtmarecreaturecrushes bone.A swi ng ofthebl adesevers the reapi ng tooli n hal f.A spi n,a sweepi ng ki ck to thel egs fl oors thebeast, crashi ng to thestonei n a pi l eofrags.A stomp to theskul l . Another.Another.Thebones comeapart,a sati sfyi ng crunch beneath your foot,and you gri nd therui n ofthi s thi ng that shoul d not bei nto the fl oor beneath your vi ctori ous heel .“ EPHRAIM KA! ”Y ou roar at thetop of your l ungs,and when thenecromancer turns,you seethat even onewho deal s wi th devi l s knows fear when confronted wi th purebarbari sm.Savagery makes no bargai ns! Y our sword spl i ts hi s head cl eanl yi n hal f.Si x cross cuts l ay hi s wi thered body to rui n,and a stomp oftheheelsnaps hi s scepter i n two.TheKi ngdom ofDeath cannot rul eover onewho i s untamed by any god,beast,woman,devi lor man!Graspi ng Moreana' s prone form and throwi ng her over oneshoul der,you stri defrom thi s rui ned hol ei n theearth,and out i nto thebri ght sun oftheKevanki an Mountai ns.Conan,theUnconquered!

TO BECONTI NUED! ! !